“Like poking a snake with a stick”

Posted on by

'Frankly, I didn't want to bite him, but he kept poking at me with a stick...'

That’s exactly what director Ian Walker said about Sam Vaknin when he was making the film “I, Psychopath.”
I do not think Sam is a psychopath but I have no doubt he is a narcissist somewhere on the top half of the spectrum, and may be malignant too.

After Sam’s over the top attack on me a couple of nights ago which had me reeling, I can see why Walker would say this. He must have experienced similar behavior from him during filming. You have to be very careful around people like Sam, or they will strike without warning, like a viper.

That being said, I received an apology from him just now. He has been reading everything posted here since this happened. I expected he would. I accept his apology but will be much more wary in the future around him. You cannot make jokes at his expense. I don’t want to get bitten again!

I will still allow him to comment here (if he wants to), because his writings are insightful and valuable to us ACONS, even if he himself is someone we should avoid. I can’t even imagine how tormented he must be and yet can still write about his disorder with so much eloquence. It’s like there’s two of him!

I’m actually shocked I received an apology from him. Does that mean he has some semblance of a conscience? I just don’t know.

16 thoughts on ““Like poking a snake with a stick””

  2. You keep mentioning “ACONS.” What does that mean? If he has apologized I would accept it as is and not read into it any further. That doesn’t mean he won’t attack again (he probably will). I believe no is beyond hope, but people can’t truly change without a willing surrender to God.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I agree 100% with your last sentence. I pray for people like him all the time. It’s the only real hope they have.
      ACONS = Adult Children of Narcissists. Some ACONS are narcissists themselves, like Sam, but most of us who post on sites like this are just…victims trying to find our way in a world that hasn’t been very kind to us.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m glad. Yeah, I need to learn more. I feel he is doing the best that he can to help, cope etc. Maybe I’m crazy, but I’m going to talk to my N daughter and see if she’ll read his book.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think he is too. I don’t think it’s crazy to let your MN daughter read his book. Because he’s got the same illness, she might be able to relate to his writing better than a book written by a psychologist or MD or something. I hope she doesn’t mind long books though, because it’s 670 pages long–with very small print!

      Like

      • I know, well I’ll be honest with her about that. Thanks. I’m a little worried her reading the part of Sam’s abusive childhood. This is narcissistic supply for her, she is sadistic that way.
        It’s weird that this episode (his attack) caused me to get happy after I first felt sad. He’s the real deal. Don’t get me wrong, if my daughter wasn’t this way, I couldn’t care less about this man, he would mean nothing to me, The very fact that he has this disorder and writing about it from his perspective is very valuable. He could write about anything, so really why would he choose a topic that probably has a small audience.
        I don’t have any help regarding this. I blogged about it for probably about a month and no comments really, just a few, but no one with any help regarding this. It felt like I was pushing people away but I kept it up anyway. Is it too unnatural to believe that an ACON can actually raise a narcissist?
        I don’t need to believe that Sam Vaknin is a good man or he is trying very hard or he is two people in one. He wrote about narcissism, he is a narcissist, he was completely himself and authentic with emotions right here online with an emotional outburst. For that I believe he has high value, I don’t need to believe anything else. I hope this makes sense.
        I now believe his intent is to not teach. Or to help anyone really. He wrote for himself, cause there is no information to help him either. He wrote a book entirely about himself and as truthful as he can be. We can read it and take the value from it from that perspective.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Get her Sam’s book. I agree it doesn’t make a bit of difference that he is an N, in fact it gives him credibility and makes his writing about it very authentic.

          He doesn’t write about his abusive childhood in the book (I don’t think anyway–I haven’t finished it)– he writes about that in his journals on his website.

          It’s entirely possible for an ACON to have a narcissist child. In fact an ACON can also be a narcissist. It runs in families and is contagious. I think there’s a genetic factor too. And it’s easy for a narcissist to “infect” a child with their own narcissism. I’m on the fence about my own daughter. I’m hoping it’s BPD. It may not be. But her disorde, whatever it is, makes it even more important for me to find out as much as I can about cluster B disorders and especially narcissism, since I’ve somehow survived a jungle full of them my entire life and they still seem to keep finding and haunting me.

          Like

  6. It’s so hard. Narcissism tends to get lumped up with other mental disorders and apparently it is not a mental disorder. No one knows anything really. Narcissists are growing in number and are taking over society, and that’s getting very scary. They can take over society before we can solve this puzzle of narcissism.
    I hope you can find a way to help your daughter too. We are pioneering this whole darn thing in 2014.
    I know what you mean by being surrounded by narcs and they keep finding you. My husband asked my why his brother is an asshole only when I’m around, but otherwise good. Yeah, I know why. And no your brother is not good. He is a narcissist. His brother has been trying to call here and hubby is not taking his calls, he is mad at him over me. I did nothing to cause this I swear.
    I bring out the worst in people just by my very being. It sucks this target thing. I’m a target. Yay, thank you mommie dearest.
    Ok, sorry, lol this is the last of my blog highjacking, promise.

    Liked by 1 person

    • They train us to be victims. They train us to attract narcissists and bullies who exploit us. Yes, we are pioneers and are actually courageous and brave to be writing about it and educating people through our own experiences.

      Did you know that NPD is close to not being recognized as a mental disorder and may be removed from the DSM? If that happens, that really proves that narcissism is glorified in our society and is being promoted as a virtue and key to success in life rather than the pathological and destructive disorder it really is. That is scary as hell.

      Like

      • That is scary. In lots of ways it is glorified in society. They make it to the highest rungs just by being narcs.
        I know I am trained to be a victim. I’ve actually practiced some of the ways we can combat this (I do with other people, its that effective) but its hard cause it’s his brother. But now the gloves are off. The trick is to keep them on their toes not to mess with you. Keep changing the subject, reverse order of what you talk about. Be kind and nice, then turn it all around and growl at them when no one is looking. lol, not very Christian, I think, but very effective.

        Liked by 1 person

        • I just cut them off. Either NC (no contact) or if that’s not possible, cut them off when they start getting into dangerous territory.

          Like with my ex, I am mainly NC, but because we have a daughter living with me, there are times I’m required to see him or speak with him. But I no longer allow him to manipulate me. If I start seeing the danger signs or he starts acting abusive, I change the subject or just interrupt him rather rudely and tell him I will not allow him to manipulate me. He’s weak, so that usually makes him STFU. If I had to deal with that on a daily basis though, it wouldn’t work because I’d be so angry all the time (which I was before I went near-NC with him)

          Like

Comments are closed.