An interview with Everyone’s Favorite Narcissist and his wife

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invertednarcissist
Gotta love the adoring look on Lidija’s face (but why is she sitting so far away from him?). Click for closer view.

Let’s face it. In reviewing my stats and my WordPress “annual report,” it’s obvious my Sam Vaknin articles get the most views and are the most popular and the most shared (“My Son is Furry-Got a Problem with That?” is still in the second place spot though, oddly enough–I wrote that back in September and it still is one of my most popular and shared articles).

So here’s another Sam Vaknin article for all you Sam Vaknin buffs out there (and to feed Sam’s narcissistic supply, of course–the strong possibility of him pimping anything I write about him on social media helps this blog too).

Being that I find Sam a rather endlessly fascinating character (as many people seem to), I don’t have a problem with posting something else about Everyone’s Favorite Narcissist. Especially when it’s an interview with The Narcissist Himself and His Wife.

This one was on DrPsychMom’s (Samantha Rodman) website. In it, she questions Sam (and Lidija) about their marriage and things such as what Sam expects from his wife and what she’s willing to give (seemingly everything), and whether or not he engages in narcissistic games like gaslighting and projection. It seems her unconditional kindness and patience (I swear, this woman is a saint) serves as a sort of monitoring device for him, keeping him from derailing into narcissistic fury, and I suppose she finds him and the life he leads exciting and his mind fascinating (even though it’s hinted that they don’t have sex). As for love, well, what Sam feels for Lidija is probably as close to love as a narcissist can ever feel, and she is clearly smitten with him. He admits the fact they were both abused by their mothers created a bond between them. Though having similar backgrounds, Lidija is anything but a narcissist, or she is what some psychologists now call an “inverted narcissist,” which is a codependent, nurturing type of person who is most attracted to narcissists who use them as a constant source of supply.

The bits posted in red are DrPsychMom’s wry and frequently funny observations and comments.

During this interview, the irascible, easily irritated Sam frequently becomes annoyed, which you might expect when a famous narcissist is questioned about his private behavior at home and how his wife reacts to it.

So here it is! It’s a fun read. Enjoy. 😀

http://www.drpsychmom.com/2014/09/08/interview-narcissist-dr-sam-vaknin-deigns-interviewed/

9 thoughts on “An interview with Everyone’s Favorite Narcissist and his wife”

  1. That was interesting to read, thanks.

    I think perhaps narcissism can be cured, but there isn’t any research to show that. I don’t want to even say that, because part of what keeps so many people bound to narcissists is this idea that they can change them. You can’t, but perhaps they can change themselves. I suppose from a religious perspective, that’s true, anything, anyone, can be healed even when all the evidence suggests it isn’t possible.

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    • I think healing is possible though very unlikely. I’ve written a lot about whether narcissists can be healed and most people are less optimistic about that possibility than I am. I guess I’m of the idea that humans are not inherently bad and there is some goodness even in the most evil people, Of course it’s unrealistic to think someone like Ted Bundy or Hitler could ever be cured, but they were psychopaths, not merely narcissists. But they would have to want to be healed of it. Someone like Sam, well he says he can’t, and maybe that’s true, but his insight probably makes healing more likely if it’s ever likely at all. I know that doesn’t make a lot of sense. But think about this: why would Sam want to be cured, when narcissism has become his claim to fame and gives him a sort of house-of-mirrors coolness because he’s a narcissist who warns people about narcissists? If I were him, it would be much cooler to stay a narcissist than have to tell all your readers you’ve been cured.

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      • I think my other comment went through, but I’ll note here again that if you look at the literature of therapists who have actually treated NPD, there is much more positive stuff out there than you would think. Yes, there are difficult cases who will not seek help. However, narcissism’s severity and reachability varies greatly along a continuum or spectrum, and you can’t really make a meaningful generalized statement about “narcissists” since they vary greatly. Again, I recommend you check out some books on successful therapy of narcissists, such as Humanizing the Narcissistic Style (Johnson), The Emerging Self (Masterson), or The Analysis of the Self (Kohut).
        Vaknin ignores these books because it doesn’t fit the hopeless picture he wants to present about himself and by proxy most narcissists. However, I would suggest that he is at the very severe end of narcissist, and is really more of a sociopath than a (non-sociopathic) narcissistic personality. That would certainly fit with him having a criminal record (admitted on his website) and trumpeting his fake degree!

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        • I’ll definitely check out your suggestions. I disagree that Vaknin is a malignant narcissist/sociopath (although its certainly possible) but he definitely is NPD and has a very dismal view of it’s curability. I do agree he likes to present his disorder as hopeless and doesn’t seem to think it can be cured but I am not sure of why he’s so pessimistic. I do think that’s the picture he wants to present, but God only knows why.

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  2. I remember a bible scripture about Nebuchenezzar (sp). Well the guy was a king that went completely insane to the point of eating dirt, not able to talk or anything. Then a small, very small piece of his soul called out to God and God delivered him. That very little piece of authenticity was all it took and God took care of everything.
    If a narc could come to God with just a small piece of authenticity, just a piece he will be delivered. But apparently it won’t happen. It happened in the bible cause it is so rare. If Sam wanted to he could call out to God now and this plague he lives with will be gone. Is narcissism too nice to live with?

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    • It seems like Lidija brings out that small part in him. I do believe it’s possible (though rare) that God could step in and heal a narcissist when they are being their authentic true self or momentarily have their masks off. Sam thinks this can only happen if anarcissist has lost all their supply and has fallen into depression, but for him (because he has insight) maybe he would just have to be in hte presence of his wife, someone he can show a little authenticity to. She certainly does seem to love him unconditionally and seems happy enough so theirs is one of the rare marriages to a narcissist that seems to work for both of them.

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  3. Obviously my favorite narcissist was here today helping out again. 😉 I love the way he does this silently and rarely comments–I just come home and find a bunch of shares and my stats peaking. 😀

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    • It’s like a simbiotic relationship, like his marriage, that you’re both getting something of what you want. Maybe that’s the cure—knowing and knowing how what you want and doing it is helping someone else too.

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      • Interesting. I never thought of it quite that way. I’ve never met the man or spoken to him in person, but I can see why you say that or why it appears that way. I feel like we are helping each other somehow beyond just sharing each other’s material but I can’t explain it. It’s cool for as long as it lasts. I have to keep reminding myself he is not really my friend because he’s a narc, and narcs can’t be my friends.

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