My daughter’s latest drug crisis

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There’s no way I’m getting back to sleep tonight.
I don’t even care if this post looks good and I know it will be badly written too because I’m tired and so confused and upset I can’t think straight. I’m not even going to bother looking for a picture for this post. What the hell for?

What I’m about to describe is just one more incident in a long line of incidents in which my drug-addicted, emotionally disturbed daughter keeps trying to sabotage anything good that happens to her, and I place the blame squarely on the shoulders of her evil malignant psychopathic father for destroying her. Right now I feel like there is very little hope for her and there’s not a goddamned thing I can do to save her from herself.

I received a phone call at about 4 AM from her boyfriend, Paul. He said she was in some kind of drug induced state all nightand freaking out and then a van stopped by and picked her up and all her belongings. He thinks it was driven by one of her meth head friends. He also told me she had refused to clean up her Facebook account and remove the druggies from it. Some guy had sent her a picture of his penis and of course he was angry, but she wouldn’t delete him from her account.

I didn’t mention this, but earlier today I went out to Paul’s house again to bring some cake I’d forgotten to bring on Christmas and also because my daughter had called crying saying she needed to talk to me. She told me she was afraid of Paul and thought he was smoking crack. Now I can tell pretty well when someone is on drugs, and I saw absolutely no indication either today or when I was there over Christmas or any other time that he is on anything at all. But my daughter’s behavior has been extremely erratic since she got out of jail and he told me she hasn’t slept in 3 days. I have seen her like this before, and it always means she is either doing pain pills or some other heavy duty drug.

She said he was “attacking” her and she said she had it recorded on her phone. What I heard was a guy begging her to come out of the locked bathroom and telling her he loves her and to please come out so they could talk. All I heard from her were profanities and screaming. He explained (and I believed him) that she had locked herself in the bathroom to take pills and he was about to call 911 but finally she came out, but she was so out of control, throwing things and screaming that he had to restrain her. That was the “abuse.” I told her I didn’t think he was “attacking” her but doing what I myself have had to do when she gets in one of those drug induced out of control states. Then she blamed me for taking his side. I told her I loved her but I couldn’t believe anything she said anymore.

Also, when I was over there, she kept flicking a knife open and closed on her lap. I told her to put it away. It was very disturbing watching that. Her eyes looked wild.

I had given Paul some money from the rest of her settlement from the car accident she had in October and told him to hold onto it for her. He said he would put it into his account. At this point, I trust him more than my own daughter. He actually really cares for her and is scared for her. Unfortunately he wasn’t able to keep her from it and when she went off with these losers tonight she took all the money with her (it was about $1,000). No doubt she has spent it all.

He told me there was nothing more he could do for her and she couldn’t come back to his house in the state she is in. He thought their relationship would have to end. Today he was going to take her shopping (she never had a chance to go Christmas shopping because she was in jail) and then on Monday he was going to take her to a therapist. But of course none of that will happen now. He said he loves her but her problem is too far gone and he can’t be with her anymore.

My daughter has squandered her entire trust fund from my father that was meant for her to get an education, sabotaged any trust I ever had for her, and has now has sabotaged a relationship that actually looked promising with a man who truly cared for her, unlike the drug addled selfish assholes she has dated in the past. She has too many charges now to find or keep a job. It’s almost impossible to get a job at all if you even have one charge. Paul thinks he thinks she may be doing meth. If so, this beautiful, brilliant girl who once had so much potential will look like an old woman with no teeth in about a year.

I am done. I love my daughter dearly but I’m not going to enable her anymore. She called shortly after I spoke to Paul, crying but sounding high. She told me she needed to come home. I have a roommate now I need for financial reasons so I can make the rent and I am not going to kick out my roommate, who has been reliable with payments and helpful around the house. I absolutely will not go through what I went through with her a few months ago, when she was having her meth-head and pillhead friends over to the house when I wasn’t home, being picked up and dropped off at all hours of the night, and where every day I lived in mortal fear I was going to come home to find her dead of a drug overdose or the police were going to raid the house looking for drugs. I told her she could not come back until she got some help. She started crying saying I didn’t love her because I believed Paul over her. I told her she could believe whatever she liked but I can’t be part of this anymore. She needs tough love.

For awhile back in the summer, when she went through her last serious drug binge that had her gone for 5 days (and no idea where she was), and at one point out in MY car which she snuck out in the middle of the night (because she forgot where she left hers), I attended Al-Anon meetings, which is a 12-step program based on AA principles for the friends and families of alcoholics and drug addicts. I hade her committed to the hospital for rehab and she seemed better for awhile so I stopped going. But I think I’ll have to go back. I need strength right now not to give into her manipulations and guilt-tripping.

I don’t know if she’s a narcissist, or just a drug addict, or both, but I can’t have that behavior around me anymore. I love her but if she doesn’t get the help she needs, she will have to find somewhere else to stay, and if that means she has to live in a shelter, then so be it. It’s hard for me to do this as a codependent type of person with high empathy, but it’s all I can do. That and pray a lot.

I’m going to church early since I won’t be going back to sleep and try to spend some private time in prayer. I have very little hope for my daughter at this point and am trying to prepare myself for the worst. There is nothing I can do to save her.

Now I just got a text from her evil psychopath father who spends his entire disability check on weed that I’m at fault for believing Paul and not her and that if she winds up dead it’s all my fault. He wants her to keep her druggie friends because he can get his weed from them. (He told her not to delete them from Facebook). He doesn’t care about her at all and what’s more, she told me something on Christmas that makes me believe he raped her when she was 12 or 13. She thinks she blocked it out but I believe it.

I texted him back: Get off my back, I said. The next text I just ignored. Obviously she called him from wherever she is. He doesn’t even deserve to be alive. I wish he would just kill himself already like he always threatens to do. That’s how much I hate him.

Her goddamned malignant narcissist father was the one who destroyed her soul and will ultimately kill her. If that happens I don’t know how I can survive the grief.

I am done. I need to somehow disconnect myself. I might have to get a restraining order against my own daughter now. She needs all the prayers she can get right now.

20 thoughts on “My daughter’s latest drug crisis”

  2. That is the toughest spot you will ever find yourself in. It doesn’t get any harder then having to let go of one of your children. That really is the ultimate act of love however, and the best thing you can do for her. Hang in there and I’ll keep her in my prayers.

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  3. Reblogged this on galesmind and commented:
    Didn’t want to like this but you wrote it so well I had to. My neighbors had a son that was addicted. It has to be the worst, saddest disease a person can have. There may be other psychological issues that she has been self medicating for. They did everything they possibly could until he took one drug too many. I felt sad for them but at least he has been released from a life of hell and they have too. I am hoping for a miracle but you cannot help her any more if she cannot help herself. My prayers are with you and her. What hell she must be in. I am so very sorry.

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  4. You are doing right, focusing all that anger on that father who is no good. This is all his fault, believe that. Right now there is not much more to do than pray. And remember, Christian mothers do have God’s promises for their children. I can’t seem to find that scripture, if I do, I’ll send it.

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  7. Oh my goodness my dear friend. This is awful for you. I know how you feel. I have had some experience with drug addicts and i know how low they will go to make you feel sorry for them. I think you will be best trying to stay away from them both at this present time. Change your phone number so its not easy to contact you, do not answer any emails from them.

    I know its hard, but we are here for you always. Please do not hestitate to email me if you need just somebody to speak to or a shoulder to cry on.

    Otter, you are a wonderful person, who is unfortunate to have had the husband that you had. Do not blame yourself, you are not to blame.

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  9. I’m so sorry to hear this. You are doing the right thing by pushing her away. Although you may feel guilty at times, it is the best thing for her. Keep telling yourself that and you’ll get through. People do not understand that enabling is actually killing a person. Hopefully one day she’ll receive the help she needs and will be back to being your loving, sweet daughter. This has to be one of THE hardest things a parent goes through next to actually watching your child die. I could never imagine this for my children. I don’t know what I would do. You are strong – stay strong and keep praying. I’ll be praying for you and your daughter as well.

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  10. I’m too tired (no sleep at all) and depressed to reply individually to everyone. Thank you for your prayers and support, know it means a lot to me. I have no idea what will happen, I had so much hope for her but once again she chose to be with the methhead assholes who treat her like shit. Yesterday she told me she’s worthless even though Paul and I kept telling her she wasn’t. Then she said she thinks her goddamn father raped her when she was 12. That was when she started to change. I also think he turned her into an MN just like him, everything she says it a lie. I think I have to go NC with her too. I just hope she doesn’t wind up dead in a gutter.
    I’m sorry everyone for being so negative right now. I’m very depressed, just gonna go to sleep for awhile.

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    • Praying for you Lucky Otter. It looks like her MN father destroyed her relationship faster then you could have even guessed. I wonder if he got her back on drugs when she got out of jail? Don’t enable her. I am glad you are drawing boundaries. I am in shock how she spit on Paul and dissed someone who cared about her. I find myself thinking Paul deserves someone who will love him back. I wonder if she is an MN too, maybe it is her present drug addiction because how could she treat Paul that way? I know drugs make people do crazy things just watch any episode of Intervention. I am praying for you and her and hope she get clean and get into recovery and GET AWAY FROM HER FATHER TOO. {I think it is possible she is telling the truth about the rape, but that is so horrible if true}.

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      • In a minute I am posting the text “conversation” I just had with her. I am having to face the fact that I do believe he turned her into a malignant narcissist just like himself. I also believe without a doubt he raped her around the time she started to change into what she is now. I also noticed a hard light in her eyes in the christmas pictures I took. She doesn’t look the same anymore. I am afraid for her and afraid OF her.

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        • I believe the only thing she has been honest about was the rape. It destroyed her along with his using her as his junior flying monkey and making friends with her drug buddies and not letting her cut contact with them when she had wanted to in the past. Yes, I believe his games and lies destroyed her relationship with Paul and now she’s on hardcore drugs too… but she’s lying to me and saying it’s Paul who is a drug addict not her. I saw them both, I am not an idiot. Apparently she thinks I am one. She is just like her father.

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  11. It really does mean a lot. I went to church and the whole time sat there bawling. I felt like I needed that (it’s not easy to cry but for some reason being in church does it for me) but it was also very embarrassing because my nose wouldn’t stop running and everyone kept looking. I didn’t get to talk to anyone. I am so tired.

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    • Lucky means something for you. Somehow you made it to church. Keep going even if no mass. You will eventually find peace and hope. I remember sitting in church for two hours crying all alone just kept repeating please God help over and over . Something went through me I think the Holy Spirit. That was the gift I received that got me through. It works don’t give up xoxo

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  13. Upon reading this, I have some distinct – and *horrible* impressions.

    1) I’m not sure about most drug addicts (nor am I entirely certain abot her – merely 70-80% compared to a much lower figure) – the reason she’s doing a lot of this *bogus stuff* is because she’s getting something out of it that she wants. While her cost-benefit analysis may be ‘completely off base’ (as in she’s minimizing the costs) the gains are very real to her.

    Note that this balance-sheet puts the effects of the drugs, etc, as *trivial*. The real profit related to *winning* the great game of Power. (which is not worth the trouble…)

    2) she thinks herself able to not merely *game* every person she encounters (and win every such game she deigns to play) – she also thinks she can game every rule in existence.

    “None of your stupid rules apply to me,” she says, all the while thinking herself to be ‘the God’. “I make the rules here, and things will go MY way if they go *at all*.”

    Riding hard for a big fall is a massive understatement here, and the chief trouble is the only type of person she will listen to (while in the grip of this collection of strong delusions) is someone who crushes her under his heel in a totally ***Dominating*** fashion.

    Yep, hard-core nastiness. This isn’t ‘tough love’ – this is something that says, “I will have your obedience, or I WILL have your life – and I’m feeling ***real*** sadistic right now.” (grabs by the hair and starts slapping until teeth fly and the blood sprays)

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    • Dennis, if you real the followup posts, her drug problems were bogus. Yes, she drinks and smokes weed and pops pain pills occasionally (which is bad enough) but at the time she had a psychopathic bf who was gaslighting her and telling me lies about her being a heroin and meth addict, yada yada yada. Long story, I’ll try to find the post about when I found out what was really going on. To make a long story short, it was this gaslighting asswipe from hell who was the real drug addict, he bilked her out of $1600 of her own money and used me as a flying monkey AND he was a crack-head.

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