Comment from a narcissist who wants help

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smashingmirror

I found this comment under this post today from a commenter called KWWL who says he/she has NPD. I think it speaks for itself.

KWWL says:
December 15, 2014 at 11:33 pm (Edit)
This is really a great article. And gives me hope for myself. See, I am a narcissist. For years, I was in denial that it was a disease, I almost thought it was good trait to have, to brag about. I never realized how much damage this illness has done to me as a person or to those I love or have loved. As the article foretells, I hit rock bottom this year and for months sat around blaming everyone else for everything–the end to a great relationship, the loss of a great job, not continuing my education. Typical narcissistic behavior. But for some reason, I came to a conclusion that in order for my life to get better and stay better, I had to look back on life without hurt, without bias or anger or anything else other than calm emotion. When I did, I saw the problem–the common denominator–me. Even still, I wasn’t sure why I did some of the things I did. So I read, researched analyzed, analyzed some more. I did a lot of soul searching. Being a narcissist (and having a few other mental issues) has led me to behave in ways that have been severely destructive in life. To me and to others. Most narcissists are in denial they even have an illness but like many other narcissists who are no longer in denial that they have an illness, I found that I used my illness as a “license to kill”. As I said earlier, it was almost something I was “proud of” except for narcissists, myself included, we don’t have pride; we have validations that boost the low self esteem and ego of our true self. When I realized some of the damage I have caused, I was no longer “proud” of it, I was ashamed of it. I knew then I had to seek the root of it and in my case, the narcissism is a mask for a low self esteem that I developed in childhood–a torturous hell at the hands of a tyrant for a father. These are issues I know I have to work on as well. I can’t just say, “I’m a strong person and I’m over it and it doesn’t affect me anymore” as clearly it does for one and for two, I’m not a strong person–I’m weak. I need a lot of work on myself and it’s something I have to stick to; I can’t allow myself to ever get to a point where I believe “I’m cured” as there is no cure for this. There is only treatment and bettering. It’s a long road ahead but I’m in it for the long haul. I ask no pity from anyone though. As an adult, it’s my responsibility to seek help.

My reply:

KWWL–thank you so much for having the courage to speak up here. I don’t know how old you are but you sound quite young but yet your writing is very mature and insightful. much like Sam Vaknin’s (who I am sure you know about). Regardless of your age, it’s incredible to have so much insight if you have NPD. I think insight could be a key to overcoming this disorder. You already have suffered narcissistic crisis and it does sound like you are still in that “vulnerable” depressed, anxious state that follows it. I will say prayers for you (I do not know what your spiritual beliefs are) that God finds a way to get rid of your “demons” and show you your true self.

You also seem to have a lot of shame about having this, which is one step away from having a conscience. You COULD just be bluffing here and this could all be BS (after all, you are a narcissist) , but I have a strong feeling you are being absolutely honest here. Please keep posting–it’s always great to read well written, civil posts from people from”the other side.” 😉
To understand something is to know it, and to know it is to not be stupid about it (I made up that quote lol)

I am also taking the liberty to repost this comment in my next post. Sure, this might feed your narcissistic supply so maybe I shouldn’t do that, but I think it’s interesting enough and well written and stands out because it’s coming from the “enemy” so to speak.

19 thoughts on “Comment from a narcissist who wants help”

  1. Reblogged this on galesmind and commented:
    What an insightful article. You really could hear the pain in his post. I don’t think that it is BS as I don’t think a narcissist can admit the pain their own actions have caused them. I hope he can get some help maybe a good therapist could help him decipher exactly what his problem is. Narcissism must be a very lonely, miserable existence. From what I have seen of some narcissist I have been unfortunate enough to know they are really unhappy people and make others unhappy to justify their feelings. Another excellent post. Thank you.

    Like

  3. I hope he/she can find the help they need. The next step should be some form of CBT (cognitive behavioral training) along with lots of prayers. It sounds like he/she is halfway there being this desperate to be rid of it. I definitely don’t think they are bluffing for attention.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I really think you perform a wonderful forum for the topic and you are so well informed about the subject. I have learned a lot from your blog. I don’t think that most people know there are so many out there and their affect on others. I think this soul was lucky to find you and your kindness.

    Liked by 1 person

    • LOL I’m blushing! If they could be helped that would help us too–then there would be fewer victims.
      I don’t know nearly as much about the technical and psychological aspects of NPD as as professionals who specialize in this, but I have LIVED it (as a victim) so I suppose that gives me some sort of expertise–as it does all of us who write about it and have lived it.
      Whether or not this person posts here again, I hope they find the help they need.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Healing and Curing Narcissism

    http://vaksam.tripod.com/faq63.html

    http://vaksam.tripod.com/faq77.html

    http://vaksam.tripod.com/faq70.html

    http://vaksam.tripod.com/faq12.html

    http://vaksam.tripod.com/10.html

    http://vaksam.tripod.com/case03.html

    http://vaksam.tripod.com/faq31.html

    http://vaksam.tripod.com/abusefamily8.html

    http://vaksam.tripod.com/personalitydisorders37.html

    http://vaksam.tripod.com/personalitydisorders45.html

    Links to Therapist Directories, Psychological Tests, NPD Resources, Support Groups for narcissists and their victims, and Tutorials:

    https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/5458

    Support groups for victims of narcissists and psychopaths (and one or two groups for narcissists)

    http://dmoz.org/Health/Mental_Health/Disorders/Personality/Narcissistic/Support_Groups/

    Important to remember that only a qualified mental health diagnostician can determine whether someone suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and this, following lengthy tests and personal interviews.

    These may be of help – click on the links:

    http://vaksam.tripod.com/1.html

    http://vaksam.tripod.com/npdglance.html

    http://vaksam.tripod.com/faq82.html

    http://vaksam.tripod.com/faqpd.html

    Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and yours!!

    I wish you and yours the Merriest of Christmases and a New Year to match.

    Sam

    http://www.youtube.com/samvaknin (Narcissists, Psychopaths, Abuse)

    http://www.youtube.com/vakninmusings (World in Conflict and Transition)

    http://www.youtube.com/vakninsays (Sayings of Wisdom and Inanity)

    http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com (Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited)

    Like

    • Hi Sam,
      This was in my spam file! LOL 😀
      Maybe these links will be helpful to the commenter, if he/she ever shows back up. Thanks for posting them.
      Happy holidays to you too!

      Like

    • Sam Vaknin you couldn’t be more pessimist. At least you could write in first person. These are YOUR experiences. You were unable to heal. Don’t project it.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Sam V’s writings are more geared toward victims of narcissists than narcissists themselves (ironically because he is a narcissist–the pessimism in my opinion is because of his self hatred). I agree he is pessimistic about the possibility of a cure. I don’t recommend him as good reading for someone like you. You can learn a lot about NPD from him, but if you have NPD you already know what the symptoms are.

        Try reading James F. Masterson’s books. “The Search for the Real Self” is a good one to start with. He has several books about healing narcissistic and borderline personality disorder (which I think you could actually be but I could be wrong). You should look into getting an official diagnosis (if you haven’t done so already).
        I also recommend following BPD Transformation’s blog. He knows a LOT about how Cluster B disorders can be treated and cured. Even though he writes from the perspective of someone with BPD, most of the treatments used for BPD have also been used for NPD.

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        • Uhhh…such good, forgiving people on here:) Light & love. And, it’s in our best interests to FORGIVE. It is not a good idea to forget. We want to believe they can change, get better, love…not lie anymore. We need it, don’t we;)? To hope, for those we loved (& still seek love from). ‘Maybe if this kid can change my mother/father/lover can’-we still want what we can’t get, right?
          But, I’m a pretty strong Empath & my gut tells me this is bullshit. I could be wrong, but did you see we (most likely) just did? We fed a narc enough blood to fill a pool. Again, I could be wrong. Just my take.
          Peace to all,
          Jordan
          “Won’t Get Fooled Again” -The Who

          Liked by 1 person

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