“Not a Fan of Feminism”

Reblogged post from one of my favorite blogs, Five Hundred Pound Peep: Aspie in a Narcissist Jungle.
I couldn’t agree more with this post.

“Not a Fan of Feminism”

One thing I have noticed is most fat activist announce they are feminists. They call themselves that on the Fattitude trailer. I am not a feminist as defined today. Yes I know the definitions have a wide range. Call it traditional Christian values interfering or whatnot contradicting with feminism. I won’t get into the personal religious reasons as to why I find modern feminism distasteful but will share with you my other reasons.

Here is a caveat, I do not think men should lord over women. I do not agree with patriarchy movements. I do think fair pay, abuse shelters, property rights, voting and items like that are good things. The fact the Duggars keep their daughters at home for life unless they marry horrifies me. Maybe some would consider me a first wave feminist, or a 19th century one, but even extreme radical Andrea Dworkin if she came back from the dead would scream upon seeing some of the nonsense advocated by feminists today such as the legalization of prostitution or “sex work”.

I used to read books about the 1960s, and how even though free sex reigned, the men still expected the women to cook and clean in the commune. Now women get to do double-shifts of cooking, taking care of the children, cleaning AND bringing home the bacon. When do they get a break? The business world benefitted as both Mom and Dad had to work which meant lower wages and less family and personal time. Replacing Dad with the state just gave the state more power too. I believe feminism helped lower the quality of life for us all.

However when I think of feminism, I think to myself “Ah that’s why my family was socially sanctioned in tossing a sick Aspie into the sink or swim streets!” “Ah this is why my father treated me more like a man because I was not traditionally pretty!” I was told to become a nun by my family. I was told I never would marry. My mother’s best friend who was a lawyer nun, who later scaled up the career ladder to great heights, was held up as someone for me to emulate. She advocated for female priests and was an extreme feminist. Liberalism in the classic sense didn’t rule my household, but whatever politics served their interests and their interests were in treating me like a proto-man, problem was I wasn’t a man. I was a girl and needed some protection and love and didn’t get it.

Years ago you could have called me a feminist. I read Ms. magazine for years. I thought about women’s rights. I was on the outlook for sexists. I had the women studies class and did the Take Back the Night marches. However I was less protected as a result of feminism. I got sexually harassed at a job. I got jumped on the streets. I got out into the ever-gloried career world and realized the promises of empowerment were a joke. I was cleaning toilets in other people’s houses. I was cooking meals at the group home and dusting it’s beat up furniture. I spent my 20s taking care of OTHER people’s children instead of my own.

Feminism screwed me.

Girls in my mid-sized town in high school were raised to get married young and now everyone I went to school with is a grandmother, and have big families of their own. This includes a friend from high school who now has two daughters, a son and several grandchildren. She got pregnant at 17 while I was a freshman in college and I remember she was devastated but who ended up with a better path?

Careers don’t hug you at night, and if you are not a big whig especially in this economy, jobs don’t build a life. The personal side of life was ignored for false carrot-stick chasing dreams of “you need to have a great career!”. The Baby Boomers especially for Generation X, advertised this path as being the happier one. For many it was not. Women need relationships, and connection. This is ignored in our society.

All feminism means to me is that women got to trade husbands for bosses. One traded the admitted tedium of housework, and childcare for the tedium of the workplace. Sure some richer or upper middle class women may see jobs as “empowering” but for most it means they are beholden to bosses who may be less kind then husband or less personally invested in you. There is a reason that Gloria Steinem and pals seem to live in a fantasy world of flex time and jobs that make 6 plus figures while advocating this as a lifestyle for all women. Why should women for so many years been made to feel ashamed of staying home and being housewives?

I have had these discussions with very close friends in my 40s, and one even managed to achieve some career success and we have talked among ourselves that the promises of feminism were a total bag of hot-air. What does women’s lib mean if you are sitting and staring at a wall alone on a Saturday night? I got married kind of late, and only barely escaped Selma and Thelma spinisterhood. Being disabled in the feminist world where you are unable to be defined by your “career” too is another loss.

What gets me about feminists is they seem to just want to load on all the work and responsibility of men onto women. I don’t think women should fight in combat, and that we are not emotionally or otherwise set up for that. It sickens me that now we will have women on the battlefield who will be expected to be hard like men. What is wrong with women being protected by men? I think men should protect their women. I wasn’t protected or even treated like a girl in my FOO. Why did I have to prove myself to be manly? Seriously I did. Why wasn’t I allowed to cry or be vulnerable or ask for any help? How many young girls are being treated this way and told they are not allowed to have any “softness” to be acceptable? How is this changing the men or their treatment of women?

Realities are denied by feminists. The whole you can earn the bacon and fry it up in the pan, thing denies that time for human beings is a limited thing. I have read more women are staying at home who can afford to. I am glad. They know quality of life and time with their children counts. I wish many weren’t forced to work tedious too low paid jobs. Now working class and poor women have always had to work but when they ripped the stability of family life away, they gave the bosses and corporations more power to direct their lives. There was less of a safety net for all. It made life more of a solitary venture with less back-up.

I remember when early feminists used to protest objectification of women, now that is worse then ever. Whatever happened to that?

Also feminism denies differences between men and women. Weren’t some of the differences why men and women were attracted to one another? I tired of women always being presented as strong and independent. What if I don’t feel strong? Why does every heroine in every novel have to be capable of flying airplanes or building houses from scratch? In the Victorian era, women could cry and faint, now we have to all act like studs without a tear in our eye to earn our feminist street cred of being an empowered, strong, independent woman!

Feminism was supposed to make things better for women, but from what I have seen since the days of the bra-burners in the 1960s is life has gotten far more oppressive and hard for women. Elderly friends of mine who raised their families in the 60s and 70s, told me life was far far simpler for women. They told me their daughters [all at work] while disabled me was at our book and writing clubs, all had far harder lives with no time for anything including fun.

Pitting the sexes against each other is just making everyone more miserable. I too wonder why feminism and fat activism go hand in hand. What is floating that boat? Aren’t 50% of the fat male? Why are they being cut out to serve liberal agendas?

Where did all that promised freedom come in?

9 thoughts on ““Not a Fan of Feminism”

  1. I, a feminist, am really sorry that you feel that the movement has messed things up for you. I implore you to look at the new wave of feminism and rediscover your believe in equality as that is the sole aim on feminism. Check out my blog for examples of how the movement is no longer the dark force you describe.

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    • I didn’t write the article, but I like the case this blogger presents. Of course, I’m not up on the new feminism so I won’t automatically dismiss it. This blogger makes some interesting points though. Thanks for commenting and keep on reading my blog!

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  2. That really is an awesome piece, She nailed it all so well. Thanks for the reblog, I never would have seen it, if you hadn’t brought it my attention. I had a chuckle over, “Andrea Dworkin if she came back from the dead would scream.” Yes indeed, I suspect many of our radical feminist fore mothers are having an absolute fit about the direction feminism has taken.

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    • I don’t think most of them are like that though. This blogger isn’t saying they all hate men, but that women have not really gained too many advantages from being expected to be everything to everyone, and most jobs women hold are more soul sucking than being a stay at home housewife. But now women are expected to work, as well as take care of the house, the kids, etc.

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  3. I too was a “bra burner” in the late 60’s and early 70’s. (I never really needed a bra back then anyway!)

    To see the evolution of the feminist movement since then has been interesting.

    Treatment in the work force has definitely evolved for the better. In the 70’s, I lost a few jobs because I refused the amorous affections of a boss. I also remember interviewing for bar-tending jobs (my second job for weekends) and I literally had to turn around to show my potential boss what I looked like from my back!

    I could go on, but you get my drift. So feminism has helped in the workforce, particularly for the younger more vulnerable women. Things still go on now, I understand, it is just not as blatant.

    All that aside, I could not disagree with any of the points made in this post.

    I also believe that it has hindered more that it has helped.

    Going through a divorce, I have observed how much more the X wife can be burdened. And, it can be such a nightmare for the children growing up. No longer are they entitled to one stable home to grow up in. That used to be a priority.

    I agree that Feminism works much better for those that can afford it, like the ones that get one of those great jobs that offers all of those benefits so they can afford great child care, good schools, tutors, housekeepers, etc. The irony of it all, it that those “feminists” are never inclined to offer a similar generous benefits package with the wages that they pay for those services rendered.
    So the women that work for THEM never have the opportunity to reap those benefits.

    Good post on the unintended consequences of the so called “progressive” movement for women.

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    • Good points. I also think there’s a generational component. The feminism movement worked much better for Baby Boomers who are reaping the benefits of women entering an economy that was still healthy and when higher education was still affordable. Retiring baby boomers and those still working are doing well overall–although there are poor among them too. I think Gen X and Millennials are really suffering the most in this economy–Gen Xers (and Gen-Jonesers like myself–I never considered myself a Boomer) are struggling to survive and can’t get any farther than they are because Boomers aren’t retiring; Millennials have it the worst because so many have college degrees, huge student loans to pay back, and can’t get jobs that pay decently. People think they act entitled, having to live with their parents well into their 20s and early 30s–but it’s not that they’re lazy or entitled, it’s that there are no decent jobs! Not everyone can be a tycoon like the guy who started Facebook, and most are floundering, even with college degrees.

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      • I wonder if my parents still would have made me leave the house at 18 if I had been a Millennial, knowing full well the problems this economy was having. Yeah, they probably would have. Being narcissists, they’re not like other parents. However, my father did pay for my son to go to college. (I had to pay for my own college ed).

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