Tag Archives: Blogging

It’s just one of those nights.

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A young woman lying on her couch

I’m having one of those nights where I have no ideas for new posts at all–no original ideas, no photos to show you, no funny memes or cartoons to share, nada, zip, zero. I’m too lazy to even reblog someone else’s article.

But it’s okay. I can still write a little post about having nothing to say. Happens to all of us bloggers now and then, doesn’t it?

Actually, it’s been a rough week and I’m just extremely exhausted. I’m slooooooowwwlly overcoming a really bad upper respiratory/sinus infection (this was what the cold I had two weeks ago morphed into). I’m taking antibiotics but they make me a little nauseated and my body still feels weak (although the achiness has finally gone away). My appetite is finally coming back a little, but only a little.

My son flew today and of course the idea of my firstborn strapped in a sardine can above the clouds puts the fear of God in me, but of course he landed safely in Atlanta, where he’s going to be in another dance competition this weekend. Then on Monday, he’s renting a car (time for heart attack #2) and driving here for a few days. He’s spending the nights here with me. I can’t wait, because I haven’t seen him in person in two years.   Him being 900 miles away and neither of us exactly rolling in the cash tends to keep us apart for way too long.

y_u_move

Blogging – There Be Haters

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Don’t let the haters and negative, unsupportive people in your life belittle you for blogging.

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How I decide what to post on my blogs.

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Most of you probably know I have two blogs.  This is my primary one, and the first one I started.  It’s now a year and half old.    It’s been through a lot of changes.  It started as a blog for journaling my feelings after going No Contact with my NPD/ASPD ex, and although I still post a lot about  narcissism and narcissistic abuse, I’ve expanded the scope quite a bit to include my own disorders (Borderline Personality Disorder, Avoidant Personality Disorder, Seasonal Affective Disorder, Complex PTSD) as well as the issues of mental illness stigma and mental illness in general.   After mental illness I probably write the most about blogging.  But these days I post about pretty much  anything that interests me, and that includes reblogged posts of others.  On this blog, I post primarily about the following subjects, in roughly this order:

  • Narcissism and narcissistic abuse — both informative and experiential
  • Borderline Personality Disorder / complex PTSD — informative and experiential
  • Personality Disorders in general
  • Mental illness and mental health (including the Sunday guest posts)
  • Mental illness stigma
  • Blogging and writing
  • Inspiration/spirituality
  • Social and cultural issues
  • Photography
  • Music
  • Humor
  • Anecdotal essays and general musings
  • Book and movie reviews (related to narcissism and narcissistic abuse)
  • Everything else

 

My other blog, Down The Rabbit Hole, is now 7 months old.     The articles on LOH and DTRH overlap quite a bit, and I do a lot of double posting.   Down The Rabbit Hole has a much narrower focus (and a much smaller audience), and has now become primarily a blog to document and journal about my journey in therapy, which seems less appropriate on a blog with as wide a focus as LOH (even though I do cross-post to both blogs).

Unlike LOH, on which I generally add new content at least once a day if not more, I may only add new content to DTRH once a week or so, though lately it’s been more often than that.   While anyone is welcome to read its content (please follow if you want!), DTRH is more personal and I write it primarily for myself.     For that reason it’s written more like a journal or diary.  Some articles which are too personal or which I feel are too controversial for this blog get posted on DTRH instead.     Like LOH, DTRH has also shifted its focus since I started it, moving from my experience with various types of self-healing following some upsetting self-discoveries to actual psychodynamic therapy.

These are the topics DTRH posts about in roughly this order:

  • Experiential and personal essays about my therapy sessions
  • Articles about treatments and therapy techniques for Complex PTSD and Cluster B disorders, mainly BPD and NPD
  • Subjective observations and essays about BPD and other cluster B disorders
  • Mental illness stigma, especially BPD stigma
  • New research about BPD, NPD, and personality disorders in general
  • Mindfulness and inspiration
  • Poetry about the therapy experience/living with BPD

 

 

 

 

 

 

I don’t know how they do it.

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awe

There are so many great blogs I want to read and keep up with more than I do, but I spend so much time working on my own blog, and it’s so  hard to find enough time.    Bloggers who are far more popular than this one still manage to find time to read and Like their followers’ posts and even comment on them.    I probably have one tenth the activity they do, but it’s a real challenge keeping up.  I’m in awe of them.  How do they do it?

Half-baked ideas; keeping a schedule.

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I still feel ill, but my head is swimming with ideas for new posts.  The trouble is, I have so many half-formed ideas and simply don’t have the energy right now to develop one of those ideas  into something that wouldn’t sound half-baked.  All the cold medication is making me groggy and all I really want to do is sleep off this bug.

As this blog has grown, I’ve noticed that adhering to a kind of schedule does help keep me organized.  So far, I have Monday Melodies and the Sunday guest posts.  I’m thinking of having blog parties every other Saturday (too much work to do one every week).  I don’t want to become too regimented because then blogging would lose its spontaneity which is part of why it’s so fun, but I think I will have certain days where I’ll have specific topics.

That scary moment when you think your blog got hacked.

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Terrified Woman Screaming --- Image by © Images.com/CORBIS
Image by © Images.com/CORBIS

I had a huge scare last night. After I posted my Monday Melody, I scrolled down the page and noticed my sidebar was gone! Also, the font had changed to a tiny, ugly font, and was scrolled all the way over to the right, where the sidebar should have been. “Older Posts,” which should be at the bottom of the page, was in the center, in the middle of another post! I finally found my sidebar–at the very bottom of the page, under all the posts. The blog was a mess. Of course my initial reaction was panic, and I was about to head over to Forums to ask what to do, or if someone there could fix it.

But I remembered that while posting my Monday Melody, I had to switch to “visual” to add links, and it had put some weird code in there when I went back to HTML (has anyone else had this problem with the new editor?) I went back into Edit mode and saw a strange little code at the end (I don’t dare type it here to show you). I took that out and republished the post. I guess that one little code was messing up my blog, because after that everything was back to normal. Whew!

Why I blog.

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blog_thinker1

I read a very interesting article today called Pimping for Likes (thanks again to Opinionated Man, I found another great new blog to follow).  The post addresses the all too common frustrations we bloggers experience when our Likes, views or followers aren’t growing as fast as we’d all like them to and asks the question, would you give up blogging if no one read your blog?  

If you’re only blogging to be popular or attain a web presence, I think people can tell.  Your heart won’t be in it.  It won’t be honest and it won’t be engaging.   People are smart.  They will pick up on your lack of passion for your chosen topics and go elsewhere if all you care about is gaining a web presence without actually caring about what you blog about.

There are lots of wonderful bloggers who don’t have many followers or views.   That’s not because their blogs are bad.  It’s because either they haven’t been blogging long enough to attain a web presence, or because the blogger is mostly writing for themselves and isn’t actively trying to promote their blog.  Some people don’t care about popularity.   And there’s nothing wrong with that.  They’re blogging for the best of reasons–because they love to write and blogging gives them a voice and a way to express themselves. .

It’s the reason I blog.   I really can’t think of anything I love doing more.   It’s also been very healing for me.  I’d keep writing and blogging even if I was the only person in the world reading my posts.  But I’m only human and it can be very discouraging when you feel like your online voice is falling on deaf ears.  At first, it was frustrating when I’d spend a couple of hours perfecting a post, choosing the perfect picture for it, editing it and re-editing it, and then post it, only to get no likes and only a few views.

Here is a post I wrote when this blog was less than two weeks old, when I had a whopping 12 followers and hardly any views. It makes me laugh to read this now, but I’m sure most new bloggers can relate to these feelings of frustation:

I’m frustrated.

It was the first time Opinionated Man reblogged a post of mine.  With his 50K plus followers (at the time; now he has nearly 60K), he seemed like a blogging God to me. Because of his generous nature and willingness to help new bloggers succeed, this post (which sounds very whiny to me now) wound up getting a ton of views, Likes, and comments, and I got my first sizeable batch of new followers.  What a great way to start your blogging career!

Although being popular isn’t my primary reason for blogging, I have to admit I’ve come to care about this blog’s growth too.    There’s nothing wrong with that, as long as it doesn’t become your main reason for blogging.  I’ve been blogging for a year and a half now.    During that time, my stats have grown steadily, to the point where I’m averaging 50K views a month.  A year ago I never would have believed it.

http://luckyottershaven.com.webstatsdomain.org/

Source: http://luckyottershaven.com.webstatsdomain.org/

I’ve been fortunate enough to have had a little help along the way,  thanks to other, more popular and established bloggers reblogging or linking to my posts.   I learned about sharing to social media (something I was reluctant to do at first) and linking to other blogs.   I’ve made a lot of friends among other bloggers and we’re like a big community who help each other get seen.  Yes, of course there is envy among bloggers, but fortunately I haven’t seen too much of it and for the most part, there’s more of a desire to see your fellow bloggers do well than to see them fail.

There are blogs far more popular and successful than mine.   This blog is really pretty small potatoes, but watching it grow is still incredibly encouraging and exciting, like watching your baby grow up.    It’s a heady feeling when you type a few words into Google and see your own blog come up at or near the top.    Although I would still blog even if I only had 10 views a month, these incremental rewards have a way of motivating you to keep writing even more.  It’s also very cool being in a position now where I can begin to help other bloggers the way I was helped when I was new.   It’s wonderful to be able to pay it forward and help others get more of a web presence.

I’ve been accused of caring too much about my stats.    Maybe it’s true.  Watching my stats has become one of my favorite hobbies, but maybe that’s because I’ve always been a numbers junkie.   The growth of this blog didn’t just happen on its own though. I had to work hard at it, and the hardest part for me was getting over my fear of sharing posts to social media.  I don’t have enough of a Google presence to just sit back and let things take off on their own.   I have to keep working at it, keep sharing, keep connecting.   It’s almost a full time job.   Even so, while watching my views  and web presence increase is a nice side benefit of blogging, it’s not the reason I blog.

If you only blog to see your stats grow, and care nothing about what you write, not only will people be able to tell your heart isn’t in it, but chances are you’ll get discouraged and give up the minute your stats take a downturn.  I’ve had slow months and a few with no growth at all. It hasn’t all been a smooth ride uphill.    Some of my posts that are personal favorites just don’t seem to resonate with others that well, while other posts that I could care less about, seem to take on a life of their own. It’s always a surprise seeing what others like and what they don’t.  You can certainly try to concentrate on writing more of the types of posts that seem to resonate more with others, if being popular is your thing.

My other blog, which documents my journey in therapy, is nowhere near as popular as this one. It hasn’t really grown at all since I started it in August, and that’s okay.     I don’t share most of the posts on that blog to my social media and I don’t promote it at all.  I only write about 1 – 2 posts a week for it, while I write every day on this blog.    It also has a much narrower topic focus, while this one covers a much wider range of topics.  I figure, if people want to read the posts on my other blog, they will find them, but I don’t worry about it too much or try to call attention to it.   I mostly write it for myself.

In summary, I blog for four reasons, in the following order.

  1.  Enjoyment, love of writing/blogging
  2.  Self-therapy and healing; giving myself a voice.
  3.  Community with my readers and other bloggers; helping others
  4.  The thrill of increasing web presence.

So.  Why do you blog?

Blogging, WordPress, Goals & Doubters

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This sounds so much like the feelings I have toward blogging and being an emotionally honest writer that I simply won’t be able to sleep tonight if I don’t reblog it.

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How to deal with haters and critics.

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haterade

I want to reblog this excellent article about how to deal with haters and critics.  Every blogger has them, especially if they write anything besides recipes or decorating ideas (and those bloggers probably have haters too).

I’m a people pleaser.  I hate being hated.   When I’m criticized, I clam up and shrink into the walls.  As a person who writes about sensitive topics,  I’ve occasionally had run ins with people who did not like what I had to say.   At one point I nearly stopped blogging because of my hurt feelings.  But why should I do that?  Why should I let one or two judgmental people intimidate me and silence me?  I’ve been silenced and intimidated all my life.  Writing about my feelings and making them public has been one of the most healing things I’ve ever done for myself.   How insane would I have to be to allow a few malcontents I’ve never met and know nothing about to silence me?  Pretty insane.  The only person who can silence me is me.

This quote in particular really stood out to me and from now on I’m going to think about this whenever I hesitate to post something I really want to post, just because someone out there might not like it:

Criticism and negativity from other people is like a wall. And if you focus on it, then you’ll run right into it. You’ll get blocked by negative emotions, anger, and self-doubt. Your mind will go where your attention is focused. Criticism and negativity don’t prevent you from reaching the finish line, but they can certainly distract you from it.

However, if you focus on the road in front of you and on moving forward, then you can safely speed past the walls and barriers that are nearby.

Haters and Critics: How to Deal with People Judging You and Your Work

By James Clear

It doesn’t matter how you choose to live your life — whether you build a business or work a corporate job; have children or choose not to have children; travel the world or live in the same town all of your life; go to the gym 5 times a week or sit on the couch every night — whatever you do, someone will judge you for it.

For one reason or another, someone will find a reason to project their insecurities, their negativity, and their fears onto you and your life, and you’ll have to deal with it.

With that in mind, let’s talk about being judged and criticized. And just for fun, I’ll share some of the most hateful comments I’ve received on my articles. And more importantly, the strategies I use to deal with them.

Here’s what I’ve learned about dealing with the people who judge you, your work, and your goals.

The Biggest Critic in Your Life

It’s easier to complain about the outside critics, but the biggest critic in your life usually lives between your own two ears. Working up the courage to move past your own vulnerability and uncertainty is often the greatest challenge you’ll face on the way to achieving your goals.

When I started my first business, it wasn’t the criticism from outsiders that held me back. It was my own mind worrying that people would think I was a loser because I skipped getting a “real job” to “start some website.” I didn’t tell most of my friends about what I was doing for almost a year because I was so worried about what they would think about it.

When I started writing, it wasn’t the hurtful comments from readers that prevented me from getting started. It was my own fears about what they would think if I wrote about the things I cared about. I wrote my ideas in a private document for a year before I worked up the courage to start sharing them publicly.

Those are just two examples of the types of internal fears and criticism that so often prevent us from getting started on our goals. It can take a lifetime to learn that just because people criticize you doesn’t mean they really care about your choice to do something different. Usually, the haters simply criticize and move on. And that means that you can safely ignore them and continue doing your thing.

But that is easier said than done because we all like to be validated. Some people like it more than others, but everyone wants to be respected and appreciated to some degree. I certainly do. I know that whenever I choose to take a risk and share my work with the world, I wonder about what my friends will think, what my family will think, and how the people around me will see me because of that choice. Will this help my reputation? Will this hurt my reputation? Should I even be worrying about my reputation?

Especially with writing, these questions created an internal struggle for me.

On one hand, I believed in myself and I knew that I wanted to contribute something to the world around me. But on the other hand, I was scared that people wouldn’t approve of my work and would criticize me when I started sharing the things I cared about or believed.

I’ve written previously about the challenge of putting yourself out there by saying, “You can either be judged because you created something or ignored because you left your greatness inside of you.”

Eventually, I decided that it was more important to contribute something to the world than it was to protect myself from criticism.

Read the rest of this article here.

Being firm with spammers.

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Yesterday I had a new commenter who I must have hit a nerve with one of my posts. Some of you probably know what I’m talking about. He or she comments IN ALL CAPS, says their keyboard is stuck but I don’t believe it. This person proceeded to comment all day, saying pretty much the same thing over and over. The comments were poorly written and made little sense. He or she implied that I was stupid because I didn’t understand what they were saying. I doubt anyone else did, though.

Now I’m a pretty tolerant person, and usually allow comments that don’t agree with my posts, even to the point where the comments become trollish. I find it hard to say “NO” and not approve or delete comments that constitute as troll posts or spam. Setting good boundaries has always been a problem for me. But at this point, I feel like this site is being violated, and these continuous unreadable comments are flooding my inbox and this blog.

For awhile I stopped replying or “Liking” these nonstop comments but continued to approve them (“don’t feed the trolls”), but that didn’t stop them from coming. Whoever this is seems to be on some sort of crusade–for what, I’m not sure. It doesn’t matter. I had about eight more of these comments waiting for me this morning. Finally I replied saying that if they continued I was going to have to delete them, because they are distracting to the main content of this board and could run off my regular readers.

I apologize to the rest of my visitors who may have been put off by this spammer or afraid to comment themselves. I need to work on setting firmer boundaries, and I’m starting right here, right now. NO MORE OF THESE ALL CAPS SPAM COMMENTS will be approved. To you, SPAMMER, go spew your badly written vitriol somewhere else.