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*****

Lauren Bennett

84 thoughts on “Contact Me”

  1. So glad I found your blog. BTW, professional counselors are way over-rated, but worse than that, they are NO help whatsoever, simply because most professionals (and non pros as well) do not acknowledge Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. Can’t wait to get home and read your blog.

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    • I’m glad you found your way here too (how did you find it btw ?) . Welcome! 🙂

      Professional therapists are great, but I think when dealing with narcissists or any evil people, there must be a spiritual component there too. M. Scott Peck’s “People of the Lie” is a book you should read if you haven’t. Heis a psychiatrist but does not dismiss God in his books, and in fact when dealing with MN’s and psychopaths, you are dealing with evil itself and must have some kind of spiritual armor. Even if you’re just studying their psyche the way I am (trying to understand it) I think having God on your side is important because it’s easy to be sucked into their evil or at least find yourself in some dark places.

      I believe God came into my life just at the right time–just as I was about to delve deeply into my study of psychopathy and malignant narcissism. Without God, exploring this could be dangerous spiritually and every other way.

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      • Hello,
        I’m a 66 year old male , divorced eight years now. I was married to a covert narcissist for thirty years but only realized who she was two years ago. I have two grown daughters, thirty four and thirty one. Ironically it was my younger daughter that pointed out to me that my ex-wife had zero empathy towards people.
        This is when I started my journey to try and figure out what exactly was going on in my wife’s head and why she could be so mean to so many people.
        Thanks to YouTube, I was able to start with ,” lack of empathy “, and work from there. It rather quickly brought me to narcissism and then more precisely, covert narcissism. It was not only shocking, but overwhelming!
        Trying to absorb the fact that I was married to someone for thirty years that not only never loved me but is incapable of love. It’s been a very difficult two years after facing these facts, but I know now that I’m slowly coming out of the fog and depression with the help of my two loving daughters who now know the truth as well. Another huge plus is that I’m very fortunate to have a beautiful 2.5 year old granddaughter that I’ve been taking care of since she was born.
        I could write a book at this point but I fear it would be far too depressing. Rather, I prefer to let my fellow empaths know that there’s a far better life once you’ve totally rid yourself of their evil!

        And yes, I must agree, the mental health folks are not being trained enough about the issues of narcissism.

        Thank you all….

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  2. I stumbled upon your blog looking up covert narcissism. I’ve looked through almost all of it……I’m so happy I found it. Extremely informative. And I love that it’s coming from someone who has actually been a victim and lived through it. Not sure you can truly (100%) help or guide someone unless you’ve experienced it and lived it yourself. In my case….it’s my mother in law and brother in law. It’s been 22 years of dealing with it. It’s been five years since my husband and I have had contact with the brother (in law) and his wife (also have to believe there is a narcissism disorder there too……there has to be) and have very limited contact with the mother and father. It has continued to dwindle more and more over the last years (praise God). But even the limited contact we have can cause me great anguish and pain. They are so unwholesome….and pathological liars. It has been a long road of forgiving and continuing to try over and over until we realized its impossible and it’ll never change. Now it’s all about self preservation. Thanks for all your insight. Would love to talk more. And have been interested myself in starting a blog of sorts of collaborating ideas and helping people in many areas.

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    • Dawn, thank you for sharing your story here. That’s good you have no or very limited contact with your mother and bro in law. People will try to put you on a guilt trip (oh, but they’re your FAMILY!) Don’t listen to them. People like this don’t deserve to have the word “family” attached to them.
      You definitely should start your own blog! Starting mine helped me start to find my way out of the darkness!

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  4. Lookie here! WHY did it take me so long to just google ‘crazy people blogs’? You came up third, but it was for the ‘piggyback’ article (which came up 5th…el oh el–lesson for marketers).

    So if I told you that I’d hacked the manic state, I wonder what you’d think. I think you’d believe me, but is it a marketable ‘thing’? In pill form, it would be worth ALL the money. i wonder if it has value as an ongoing blog? You have 1500 followers here–are they all among the afflicted?

    Before, whenever I would go into the manic state, I would try like the devil to get things ‘set up’ and have some kind of automated income flow so I could get off the gubmint dole. Failed each time

    I feel like this is the wrong place to dump 1500 words, but LSS I was declared disabled back 8 years and have been bipolar for all 55 years. Or at least from 7 when I went to my first psychiatrist. SEVEN! That ain’t normal.

    I have been up to some funny, funny stuff. Anyway, I am now manic almost always and so am extremely productive but can’t get anything done. And I’m about to start blogging at BloggingBipolar.com. I went to PsychToday to pitch…something…and I noticed that none of the scores of experts there actually could have ANY idea of what they were writing about. Lots of letters behind those names, though, ThinkDreamCreate@yahoo.com

    You are doing great and significant work here, I think.

    Regards, Peter

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    • Well…that post actually sounds like narcissism itself, doesn’t it? That is your least favorite thing. But just because I don’t think I’ll kill myself today doesn’t make me narcissistic. My lifelong seething hatred of myself should disqualify me from ‘narcissism’, I think.

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  5. I don’t know–I re-read the post after reading a little bit more about you. I honestly don’t know the first thing about M.N. and was scared shitless that it was me! I’ve tried to define what “good person’ entails over a lifetime, and I think I’m on the right side of it. These days, I’ve learned that I
    am a good person with good work yet to do. Overthinking everything, perhaps. How unusual of me

    I’m kind of blown away by how much you’ve done with all of this, and I am in agreement with your assessment of God (yep) and evil (you betcha) two things that people don’t cop to much. It seems you are saying that the M.N. IS the afflicted–by definition– and this diagnosis would be all we’d ever need to know about them. So they’re not damaged, in need of repair: they’re broken, in need of eradication.

    I’m not doubting you–just wanted to clarify. Hey, you want some eradicatin’ done, I’m your huckleberry

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  6. I think the value of a person can be assessed by how they regard other humans in the general sense. There are people who simply prefer to see others fail or fare poorly. I can’t explain it–it just is. They would rather laugh at people than laugh with them, and I think the sheer volume of their combined resentment or whatever it is can actually influence events.

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  7. Dear Lauren; I found your blog while Googleing Scapegoating, and I’m so glad I did!! Reading what you said and what the the other readers said has made me feel not so alone. I’m am 63 – years-old, and went almost totally no contact with my siblings after my brother kicked in my door and physically assaulted so me badly the State of Florida levied charges against him. I am the youngest of 7 children. I think I was my mother’s favorite, and have an acute sense of justice..I was the truth teller and whistle blower, ergo, the scapegoat. Such a long story. During the assault trial, my “family” either didn’t want to” get involved” or sided with my psychotic brother. They wanted to know what I had said to “make my brother so mad”. My sister testified against me. I’m going through a bad time now. Against my better judgment, I recently spoke with another brother, who screamed at me and hung up on me. I texted him back and related I had no interest in having a relationship with him; however, I’m still shaken by this recent conversation. My panic attacks have returned. I’m depressed, crying, and don’t leave my house much, for fear of being criticized. I’m feeling hopeless about ever getting my confidence back. I’ve been in therapy, which was a God send! Recently, my husband of 43 years suffered a catastrophic illness (he’s fine now!) and I can’t afford therapy. I’m 63 and just need a little support to know this will get better. I should never have picked up the phone when caller ID his name…I think him screaming at me has brought back the years of my siblings humiliating me, excluding me, ostrasizing me, and physically and verbally abusing me. Is there hope for me? God, I’m 63! I will not be their victim…I still have fight in me, but am lonely and afraid of people. I recently made a friend, or what I thought was a friend. She was hypercritical and seemed to like to make fun of me. I have since severed our friendship. It really bothers me that I might be attracting abusive people!! Thank you for listening to my rant. Again, I am so glad I ran into your website. It’s fantastic and really enjoyed everyone’s journey. All of the best to you…you are an angel!

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    • Thank you for your kind comments and for sharing a little of your story. It’s good you still have the fight in you and are determined to not be a victim anymore! You are on the right path, and I hope you keep reading! 🙂

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        • Possibly. I also have C-PTSD. Borderlines have more trouble than most people regulating emotions so as a child I wore all my emotions on my sleeve and that made me an instant target for narcs. And their abuse of me, I probably reacted to more strongly than the average person, which egged them on to abuse me more because an emotional reaction is what they crave. They feed off of it. That’s why narcs are so bloody attracted to borderlines I think. It’s a positive feedback loop for them.

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  12. Wow Wow, Reading that blows me away, share it with others in court because I can’t speak for myself anymore? You have insight!! I beg u, can you please be my best friend I love you you’re awesome!!
    Hey, my name is Camille, I googled two words next thing I know I’m reading your site, in tears because everything you say is exactly what I have lived, can’t wait to read the rest of your site, have to get to work I’ll be in touch, GBU!! XO!!
    love your new best friend, HuGe HuGS, Camille
    PS.. Not a weirdo or anything, I was arrested for prostitution twice guilty with explanation. Former slave hard physical labor 15 yrs as a family, I was the one who took up for everyone, my nickname was the C-word, disinherited, i’ve been through hell, I had to, after never calling in sick all my life, survive and take care of pets and myself, what I thought I had to do. Other than that I’m a saint, LOL i’m celebrating my strength & progress now!!! and I’m not about shame, I did good I’m alive, and I don’t have headaches anymore, Greatful!!, I’m so happy.
    U Really write very well!!

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  13. I was trying to comment on you blog of #11-20 songs for a narcissist. I am currently going through the discard.. A song that I instantly thought of was Between the Sheets by Isley Brothers. It’s hard to explain but the sexual part of the relationship can play many mind games.

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    • I’m sorry you’re going through the Discard. Awful, isn’t it?
      I never heard that one but I’ll keep it in mind for a future post. Unfortunately I have this blog set up where you can only comment for 4 months and then comments are closed. I do this to save space.

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  14. Hi, I hope I am commenting on the correct area of your blog as I couldn’t find actual posts to comment on . I’m used to HG’s blog I guess. I’m really trying to understand if my boyfriend of the last 2 years now broken up and the relationship was very on and off. Is NPD or BPD. It would help a lot with my healing if I could understand . I see many traits of narcissism but not all. Your self diagnosis of BPD and avoidant could be him can you help at
    all with this ? It’s very confusing ? Thank you

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    • I don’t know how much I can be of help really since I haven’t met him. I’m also not a licensed profesional but I can try to direct you in the right direction but I’d need some more info. Are you asking if you or him is BPD or NPD? I would need a little more information about the things he does, the ways he behaves and treats you, and why the relationship was on and off. I still won’t be able to give him a dx. since I’m not qualified to do that, but maybe I can help you with some friendly advice at least or some resources. 🙂

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  15. Hi, yes it would be him not me . I appreciate it’s difficult to randomly diagnose people and maybe unfairly sometimes , however I just thought maybe you could give me your opinion as you have mentioned your own disorders . I don’t want to offend anyone however by saying things that may sound harsh . I would however like to understand if I were to list some behaviours if you could give an opinion ?

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    • I could try. Go ahead and send me a list and I’ll give him a *provisional* diagnosis if I can, but remember I’m not a professional and it could be wrong. But maybe it will encourage him to go get himself formally diagnosed.

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  16. Thank you and don’t worry I’m not holding you to any formal diagnosis just some advice from someone who understands BPD. Ok here’s a list
    Presents as a commitment phobic , claims to be terrified of relationships due to past hurts .
    All exes were nuts according to him
    He is very much a victim
    Claims to feel emotionless apart from negative emotions
    Feeling of emptiness and irratible ness
    (This is goes back to childhood)
    Avoidant
    OCD but I would actually go further and say OCPD
    Has mention manic depression and that his father suffered from this , however when he describes his father he is describing narc traits but doesn’t realise that
    He wants to be with me but it’s all on his terms keeping me at a distance and always talking about fear of relationships
    Some devaluation and then with drawal , when he with draws , I question and get the same cycle of I’m terrified of relationships , so I end it , I think he does this to push me away so I leave if I didn’t it may lead to disgard
    Narcissistic comments
    When I’m with him overly sensitive and jealous
    When not with him apart from some texting it’s like I don’t exist
    Talks about wanting alone time or over whelming feelings of wanting to be alone
    Has been to the doctor over the years and has been on anti depressants for short periods of time
    Talks about feeling thinks to extremes , he hasn’t said this but I interpret that as black and white thinking or one minute like you next minute complete indifference
    Wants to be with me then doesn’t
    Rapid thinking , changing his mind about things constantly , even within the same day
    Ups and downs but not hyper ups
    Dependent on alcohol to socialise with out it , can be quiet and with drawn
    Blame shifting
    Lying and cheating
    History of chaotic relationships going back to teenage years
    He’s now 49 never married no children
    He’s never acted clingy to me but did chase once when I ended it and claimed suddenly that he did love me and got very depressed
    Talks about not realising what someone means to him until they’ve gone
    Talks about everyone he cares about leaving him
    Talks about half wanting to be with me and half not wanting to risk being hurt or made a fool of (while throwing in some narc comments)
    It wasn’t until this break up when he withdrew again I started to read about personality disorders and stumbled across narcissists , he could be , but I’m not sure . Some things don’t fit. This time I’ve gone no contact and it’s been over 3 months and he’s just messaged me , which for the first time I’ve ignored him and he hasn’t chased or followed up. The message was one week ago. This has been very traumatic and I had no idea what I was dealing with other than possibly a commitment phobic . I kept trying to see the best in him but he was killing me and now I think I have some kind of trauma.
    I don’t know if I’ve been dealing with a narcissist or not . He seems more erratic than NPD. He also has ADD. But that could just be the feeling of emptiness , I don’t know. He says he can’t sustain feelings .
    When we break up he always takes full blame and says its him and that he is the one with the problem . There’s never been a nasty disgard but some narc behaviour when he’s pushing me to end it.
    All of the above could be gaslighting from him
    Finding out about all of this stuff like NPD and BPD has been a shock to me and I don’t know how to get over it.
    He may never contact again but he just has after 3 months and it’s not the first time he’s come back. I get sucked back in every time
    I feel like I have been used and abused and gas lighted, there have been lies and cheating .
    Now that I see all of this , there’s part of me that wants to talk to him about it and part of me that just thinks he will never take responsibility and say I’m nuts . He’s has said this to me before , when I’ve questioned his behaviour.
    If he’s BPD I have feelings of sadness that he is suffering from this .
    God knows what your thoughts will be about all of that .

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  17. Thank you for this blog. There should be more blogs like this out there, because most people hardly know anything about BPD and NPD until it’s too late and they’re almost destroyed by it.

    I found your blog while googling “can someone turn into narcissist”. I have an older sister with a narcissistic borderline personality disorder and I suspect that her husband, after decades of being exposed to her emotional and verbal abuse, has developed a NPD (if that’s even possible). While she’s viciously insulting our mother or even their own children, he’s cheering her on, putting the blame for her violent outburst on them. And he does it in such a calm and reasonable way, you would even convince yourself that he’s right and there must be something wrong with you. He has no remorse, no sense of guilt, empathy or common decency anymore, not even for his own children. I remember he didn’t used to be like that. It’s like he is still physically there, but whenever he says anything, it’s like my sister has taken over his body. Sounds weird, I know, but it’s difficult to explain.

    They cut us out or their lives a couple of months ago and now I’m starting a blog about everything that has happened, because that’s the only thing left that I can do now. I skimmed through your blog and it’s really helpful and comforting to know that there are others out there who went through the same thing. And although I understand more or less when you say that not all who suffer from BPD or even NPD are evil, that’s not how I experienced it. My sister and brother-in-law are so malignant and manipulative you can hardly consider them human anymore.

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  18. I have autism as well and from what you described you went through is unacceptable!

    Since your family is discriminating against you by leaving you out of their inheritance, it is your right to get the money, especially after what they put you through and continue to put you through.

    I am very happy that you are writing about your very abusive experiences and if I was a family member I would be totally embarrassed by what I am reading for how I treated you.

    I’ve dealt with many abusive people in my life and since I have autism I knew they were discriminated against me do to my autism since they were ableist and likely narcissists.

    When I was in public school, I was frequently bullied but I have also gotten in trouble for becoming very violent with the bullies as one day I brought in a brick to school to threaten the bullies.

    What got me so desperate and so fed up was that after I got beaten up by bullies I got punished instead of the bullying for being involved in the fight while they’re bullies always got away with it and everytime I talk back to the ableist or narcissistic teacher who was the inclusion director of the disability program in the school punish me more for insubordination by giving me more detentions.

    I was literally punished for being bullied and that’s why I decided to retaliate against the bullies and the teacher by cursing out the teacher and getting violent with the bullies as I just got tired of always being the scapegoat and decided to stand-up to my oppressors.

    At home things were not much better as my anger directed at my physically and verbally abusive narssisric stepfather became so bad that after I threatened to stab him during a fight I had to move to my grandparents house where even there I was not free from constant verbal abuse from my uncle.

    My desire to be equal and not let people walk all over me made people think I was a sociopath due to my anger issues which ironically only flared when I was being physically abused.

    Today my family is split in how they treat me with only my mother and grandfather being the kind people with almost everyone else think I am some kind of mental defect.

    Even my own sisters have been very abusive to me and I am considered a bully or disrespectcul, if I try to stand my ground and not permit abuse.

    But even though my mom is not a narcissist, she does have some abeslist tendencies as she believes I need constant supervision due to my aspergers as because of her I live in a 24/hour supervised apartment.

    The more I demand independence and equal treatment the more my family argues I need more supervision and control as “I am letting my independence get to my head”.

    When my family members attempt to compare me to other more successful people my age in the family, I would report back to them by saying “maybe, you should not have sent me to that special needs school that had a set me back five years if anyone’s to blame for my failures it is all of you and not me.”

    I get very angry when they compare me to other people because they are the ones who set me up for failure and then are making you look bad by comparing me to other people and even though I have Aspergers I do not see it as a disability while the rest of my family does, while using Ferry ableist language like Aspergers is not a disability and that I am doing it on purpose by having certain mannerisms.

    My family members have threatened me that if I Do Anything by myself or without their Authority that I will be disowned from the family.

    I’m planning on writing fictional books about autism and ableism and how the experience in the book will be sort of related to mine.

    Did you how I was treated and both home and school I have developed severe social anxiety disorder and I’m always afraid of how people would judge me but, if I feel like I’m being mistreated I will stand up for myself and sometimes angrily as I believe that no one should be treated poorly especially for being “different”.

    I have read your blogs and I love it especially the narcissistic fash scum we have as president

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  20. Please please don’t take this the wrong way but I’m a lil on the fence of which person you are almost seeking a dense in your questions for these evil sick demented subhumans. That being said …..Hell no..They have zero empathy they are not capable in the slightest of feeling that emotion let alone love happiness trust etc..They have an agenda already..They hand picked BC even if you were being cautious getting to know them before meeting they picked up on it already..You are viewed as a victim that they are going victimize. The tears it’s crocodile tears seen those as well ..They actually learn to imitate life and others feelings they will never feel..Like I want to thank the academy..Geezus you did mention one thing I’ve never never read in any of the hundreds of blogs or articles I’ve come across and the fact that you acknowledged it sent chills over me ..The black eyes..Oh goodness my first date I literally had texted him a cancellation..He then laid it on hard to just meet him and I had my son in my ear come on mom got to give someone a shot…Ugh anyways I’m beyond intuitive I always look thru the eyes generally I see alot..This trash his eyes normally light blue were black as night like 2 saucers …Satan the devil himself so powerful I could even feel him blocking me from trying to probe further..I’m not rude but I didn’t want to stay I had no interest whatsoever but he asked me to play pool and I know we both drank quite a bit I had too that’s all I know..I’ve been abused my entire life ..This was something beyond evil I knew I had encountered ..I listened to his crap the past girls that screwed him over blah blah im smarter than that must have been the alcohol..Regarding all of those questions maybe I shouldnt have been so quick to say something BC all of those questions don’t really make sense in hindsight it only would make sense once they have revealed who really are several months later at that point your dust you know just like me we are to blame for all these relationship issues that have popped up and further we are convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt we are absolutely bat shit crazy….It’s us the crazy ones who really became a victim that believe them and spend countless hours and nights up researching from desperation what we have possibly done wrong to cause all this terrible goings on. ….For some reason and I’ll never understand this I must have missed psych 101 that one day they explained what a narc is BC im pretty smart and I had no idea a narcissist to me was just a vain person ohhhhhhhh wow was I ever way the hell off base it took me several nights I came across an article somehow caught my attention and was completely dumbfounded I was literally reading a textbook version of my life…If your familiar with the wheel of abuse for domestic violence it’s separated into many pieces of a pie …I got every Fing one of them. I was verbally emotionally sexually physically financially abused and more ..My new name became whore or ingrate list my job BC of him that’s when it got severely worse I mean horribly bad ..I’ll pause at that to say if for some reason somebody is unaware of this ..They have an extreme power have an ability to take a human being down completely ..To break a person to get at your very being your psyche that’s not easy to day these malignant narcissist sociopaths are like complete experts though it’s bizarre they are beyond dumb as dirt about anything else. Nobody will ever tell me there is anything worse than this situation ..No way ..I kicked him out..To say everything I endured would be a novel and was a period of months we are talking about but even though kicked out he showed up one night still had a key was on the lease I was stuck I had no job to reclaim it ..And mind you my apartment far b4 he ever came along..So I said leave now..Nah he didn’t want to I had my back to the balcony ..I knew nothing good was about to happen he spit in my face as he walked by to the balcony to smoke his weed I sat there frozen not even couple months he had come up right behind me and basically scalped me yes I wear wigs now and will til I die..I was actually in medical state of shock at this point ..He grabs his butcher knife conveniently right there in kitchen drawer and pressed it up against my neck very very hard and said to me you Fing c*** I’m going to kill you I will only get 7 yrs ..( still don’t get the 7 yrs) but I’m shaking like a leaf I already had familial tremors since my youth from my alcoholic father screaming 1/2 ” from my face every night..My head is bleeding alot I just kept my eyes closed ..And he released me stepped aside threw a huge tantrum and started carving in his arm I’m just beyond shock but I knew I had to call the police and this was my lil window of opportunity right then I ran as hard as I could towards the bathroom so I could lock it and call ..Of course he caught me pushed me I fell on the floor he proceeded to bash my phone into tiny pieces over and over I just lost it my phone was beyond destroyed I just lost yrs and yrs of very precious things photos and such I was so pissed BC my kids were there and I had several recordings of him as well for court..I just picked up the pieces and sort of glided back to my chair of course he’s right there he proceeds to smash it even more..Like wtf sick fucker ..Oh and btw I’m very peaceful I never once fought back ..He’s screaming at me .. Something just washed over me I looked him dead in the eye and said if you don’t get the fuck out this instance..I’ll walk to the police station and I will put his sorry ass in prison for a very long time..So he threatens me again siting Romeo and Juliet he will just take me out with himself ..Again I said get the fuck out don’t ever darken my doorway even ..It worked I figured if he was going to kill me he had the chance he didn’t they are such cowards all talk such a big man….Oh and to reference the parent questions you had posted the first time he flipped to the dark side I felt so stunned BC at that very moment I thought I heard my dad..So yes solves that mystery…Now the aftermath is the worst ..Don’t give a rats ass bout the gutter trash I was fragile before but functional Ed quite well only to end up suicidal…He had brought out some past illnesses if mine and a bunch of new like I didn’t realize I became an isolated hoarder..My ADHD very very bad..My manic depressive disorder well yes I did not want to live I was trying to die ASAP..My sex addiction my eating disorders oh and my severe anxiety and panic attacks and what I’ve come to figure out over this past year PTSD..I’ll stop at this point doesn’t really matter but please do not question if they emathy please do not question anything…I also found out he had already been to prison several times for domestic violence felony counts to include assault with a deadly weapon.. ty if you took the time I want to make sure I discredit any notion the original post may have planted peace out

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  21. I just wanted to thank you for your blog! It has become a ‘haven’ for me. I was raised by a BPD mother who is fairly high on the narcissism spectrum. Love the Narcissistic Mother’s Dictionary! Lol. I also have a BPD sister who is in a cult and lives with her guru. No one in the family can know his last name. He’s a one-name wonder. Lately, my sister has been focusing her rage on me. Apparently, for things I did to her when we were kids, though I have apologized over the years, every time she has confronted me about it, on numerous confusing occasions. My apologies are heartfelt, but they do no good. I am having to consider going No Contact with her, but of course, that will raise my mother’s hackles. Anyway, I’m so grateful to be able to come here and either laugh, or cry, but either way, enjoy a sense of support and understanding.

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  22. If you have just realized how deeply narcissistic your partner and their family are, and have recently become a victim of their narcissism do you recommend leaving and never looking back?

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      • Okay thank you for your honest answer. I’m dating the scapegoat, is there still no hope & is getting away the only way out? The family has only recently followed him to where we are because of his success yet they constantly imply how much he is not doing good even though it’s in their face and his success is the reason they live near us now .

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  23. Good afternoon, Luckyotter
    My name is Lisa and I wanted to say I am so excited your read your post about could narcissism be a possession I am a believer an intercessor and also trained and inner healing and deliverance and I want to tell you my story but it’s kind of a long one . I completely agree with you on this is I also have a page and which I do some Outreach for help for people that have experienced abuse with the spectrum of personality disorders it’s called dating a sociopath / narcissist ain’t nobody got time for that. Now I feel that God has shown me and confirmed to me by Personal experience that we looking at a demonic element in some personality disorders. I’m trying to gather people of like mind to get together on this issue I have experienced narcissism and sociopath and possibly malignant narc and psychopath and the worst one being the last I was engaged to a gentleman that was a covert malignant narcissist possibly even bleeding into psychopathy I don’t tell many people my story but I want to come out with it but of course oh no I’ll be stoned it is a No-No to even mention that people (thank you for your blog) it has a spiritual element to it especially a demonic one but I want to tell you you are right on the money please feel free to contact me if you so feel led and again I already gave you the information for my Community page please check it out I did post your writings this morning or yesterday on my Community page I’m trying to little by little add spiritual things people are not open to this I I believe the cure for this is inner healing and deliverance that’s the cure for these kind of personality disorders do I think all mental illness or personality disorders are demonic no.I do not but there is no question in my mind . People tell me that they can’t be healed I disagree I’m ready to go with this and With God all things are possible that’s what I’m standing on…Sincerely,Lisa

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  24. i have been looking for a way to post. I read a few posts about the Betty Broderick case. I also read the Twelfth of Never book..I also saw an ad of Reealz TV. They are airing the Broderick story starting this Saturday.

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  25. Hey luckyotter, I read your post about your son, ya know, um, being a furry. And, I just wanna say that he is the bravest person I have ever read about. Ever. I am 15 years old, I am also a furry, the only difference is, that I am Genderfluid. It’s different right? I wanted to talk to you, is there a way I can contact you through perhaps an email? Call or text me at 1 (775) 621-8849

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    • If you mean this blog, there is no sign in required. If you mean WordPress, you don’t need to log in unless you are starting a blog yourself. Go to WordPress.com/login and start there. You set up the picture on Gravatar.com.

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  27. Thank you so much for all the narcissist playlists. I’ve been adding to my Spotify this morning :-/
    Can’t seem to comment on the relevant posts, but if you do any in the future:
    Tricky to love by White lies
    No you don’t by nine inch nails
    Caught a lite sneeze, Tori Amos

    Thank you for this site x

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      • There are some that didn’t work because I’m the the UK but that can’t be helped 🙂 thank you. Also, Broken Promise by placebo featuring Michael Stipe. It’s about a gay relationship, so yay diversity, but the victim’s response is quite… violent. So you may or may not want to include it if you do another list. Also, all the lyrics I can find online seem to be wrong compared to the album 🙂

        Oh and thanks for explaining why I couldn’t post, wasn’t sure if I was doing something Wrong 🙂

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  28. Hola Lauren,

    My name is Sergio and I want to express you my gratitude. I just message who I thought (maybe I am rather right?) was you or [name deleted] through messenger, after reading a comment I found at
    https://lonerwolf.com/are-you-an-empathic-narcissist/

    In case you didn’t received it..
    I read few thousand words related to PTSD and Narcissism on the last year. I made up (or so I thought) some sort of a concept that I refer to as “Narcissistic Empath” and very recently found out that such idea was already out there, yet in what seems to be very limited -and not easy to find- published articles. Your words, both in the comment I first read and then at your blog, made my day, my month and most likely my year. (I’m still working on my English skills but I hope the idea went through)

    THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart and my soul, for sharing your thoughts and your personal experience. Not only I feel huge respect for the way you express yourself in your blog but I truly admire what you are doing through it as well.

    I’m most likely, a few thousand miles away, and one o two hours behind, however please know that my very best vibes are going your way as I type.

    If you have some time and are willing to talk to a Costa Rican guy who has a story to share, I would love to chat with you.
    Some of your insights and observations HAVE ALREADY made the difference to others.

    Regards from Central America,

    Serg

    FaceTime/ Whatsapp: Sergio Amador M.
    T. (Country Code 506) 6054-2426.
    E. sersideral@icloud.com

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    • Hi Serg,
      Sorry I didn’t get back to you earlier. I am glad my posts have hit a nerve and been helpful to you! Comments like these make me happy. However, please do not refer to me by my real name here (which I have deleted). I use a pseudonym here for privacy reasons. But thanks again for your kind comments! I hope you keep reading.

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  29. I appreciate your blog. If you’re dealing with a real narcissistic, you need humor. In order to get thru hell. Those of us suffering from NPD, need help badly.

    Don’t worry about offending actual narcissists, if they are true narcissists, they don’t acknowledge it. So can’t hurt what doesn’t exist…..

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  30. Hi, do you believe a person suffering with BPD can suddenly get shocked into changing their behaviours ? Such as someone leaving them and this giving them a wake up call ? Thank you

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      • Luckyotter do you believe it’s possible , I follow HG’s blog and have never been quite sure whether I’m dealing with a lower mid range narc or a borderline , do you believe in your experience a Borderline can change ? Thank you

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        • Yes, I do. But self awareness of the problem is a pre-requisite to change. DBT is very helpful for people with BPD, but it isn’t a cure, it just changes behaviors. It’s being used for self aware people with NPD too.
          If you actually want a cure for BPD, psychodynamic therapy with a focus on trauma or schema therapy has proven very helpful to many people.

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          • Thank you luckyotter, he is going to see a psychiatrist and has been referred by his GP he’s waiting for the letter for the first appointment . He went to the doctors when I went no contact with him for 4 months . He’s had some conversations on the phone with therapists but I just hope he gets someone that actually understands this . After an 8 minute appointment with his GP when he told him he thinks he has NPD the doctor said no of course not you seem like a very nice person. Such a lack of understanding of this even amongst professionals , we are in England UK

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  31. My name is Caroline & I’m 31 Years old.
    And this might sound strange.
    But I think I might be a narcissist.
    At least that’s what my ex tells me, and I believe him to also be, a narcissist.
    Wether Iv just been gaslighted or not, I don’t know. But I feel like I need to talk to someone fast. Someone who knows a narcissist when they see or hear one. Iv been doing a lot of reading, and I recognize myself to some extents. Although, I don’t believe I completely lack empathy. Would you be willing to talk to me? Maybe help me understand?
    If possible, and if a narcissist is what I am, I’m willing to share stories. Two sides of the spectrum. Perhaps I’m just crazy. But there’s enough “I” in this comment to make anyone wonder I would guess. Hoping to hear from you soon.

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    • Thanks for sharing your story, but this blog is no longer active, and I no longer reply personally (that’s a whole other story in itself). Hope you understand.

      Sometimes it’s hard to know if you’re the narcissist or just a victim of narcissistic abuse. C-PTSD can manifest as narcissism sometimes (fleas). I highly recommend Pete Walker’s wonderful book about C-PTSD. His chapter about the 4 F’s explains how C-PTSD can sometimes manifest as narcissism.

      We are bound to pick up narcissistic traits if in constant contact with narcissists, but that doesn’t mean we have to keep those traits or that we are really narcissists . Mindfulness therapies, such as CBT or DBT (which works for narcissists as well as borderlines) may be helpful to you. Wishing you luck in your recovery and in sorting out the confusion. Gaslighting can really be a mindfuck and convince us we are narcissists when in fact we are not. Best of luck in your journey of self discovery. Self awareness is the first step to positive change. Hope that helps, sorry I can’t offer more.

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  33. Hey Luckyotter,

    I noticed a cool thing in your sidebar—a badge stating that your blog is “award-free.” I was wondering if that’s a badge I could display on my blog, too, or if it’s copyright or something. I really like the idea—I’ve actually un-published all my award acceptance posts from back in the day, and your badge’s sentiment on loving comments fits with my blog as well.

    Thanks!

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  35. I am so glad to have found this blog. It’s awesome!!

    Your Betty Broderick post is thought-provoking. I wanted to add commentary but did not see the “Share your thoughts” section at the end. Is that post closed to new comments?

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  38. Is there a cure for “soul loss”? I am not sure what I’m experiencing anymore. My soul was wounded from a traumatic experience and I developed PTSD. Under the influence of a pain killer my narcissism was magnified and I attacked a family member verbally and yelled viciously at them for 2 weeks, feeling like my abuser took over(I had it under control my whole life and was in contact with my inner child. I was never really in contact with my emotions because that was never safe but I never harmed anyone before PTSD) Now I feel dead inside like my soul died. Is it possible to retrieve the soul at this point or is my life over now? Maybe you know more about that. I don’t want to become a villain. I want to reclaim my soul but I cannot feel it’s presence anymore and it was present with PTSD as well as before that my whole life. I am so desperate for an answer because you don’t find anything online.

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    • I honestly have no answer for you. But the first step to recovery is recognition and self awareness, and you have that. That’s good. I would recommend a good trauma therapist at this point, one who deals with PTSD and people suffering from other trauma based conditions, including personality disorders.

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  39. I just read your post on AA and narcissism and it really struck a chord. Thank you so much for writing this – you have helped another human being today and I appreciate it.

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  40. Hi Lauren, I have a testimony of sorts to post here.
    I was actually involved in a cluster B fb group with you a few years back (I recognized you from here, idk if you’ll remember).

    I strongly believe I am a covert narcissist. The fruits of my life will testify to that as well as many others who have known me. After becoming self-aware through other people, I researched into NPD and searched for cures or tips to overcome.
    Early last year, when abusing cough syrup for over a week straight, started feeling really scared and sick, like I was going to OD. I started feeling sorrow over the life I had lived, the people I had hurt and abused, the fact my parents would come find me in my room dead the next morning. For the first time in my life, I felt remorse and a sense of responsibility hit me like a truck. Remorse brought upon repentance, and with repentance, faith. I kid you not, a miracle occurred that night.
    I remember crying, no screaming out to God in my heart, over how sorry I was, how wrong I was in everything, how I couldn’t do it without Him any longer and ending it with the words, “SAVE ME”.
    All of a sudden, I felt a warm light flood throughout my body and like things were being lifted and I remember sobering up and feeling, empathy. For the first time in my life!!! There was a peace, love and a complete shift of mind. It was the most beautiful thing ever, like finding the elusive unicorn. That stuff just doesn’t happen, it was supernatural. I remember not only feeling empathy but being made into an empath. There was a deep connection to others, I was given an actual conscious, placed into objective reality. When others cried, I cried, when others were hurt I’d feel their pain and worry for them. (I tested it out on movies, the first movie I watched was Toy Story 3 because I wanted a good cry but also the stories of redemption in Star Wars made me leak tears). I knew in my heart then that God was real and could do anything. I felt convicted to never go back to the life I had lived. I made the decision to get baptized.

    Having said that, this experience only last maybe about a week. I went completely cold turkey on heavy anti-psychotic medication and was going through mad withdrawals (hot and cold shakes, not sleeping, closing my eyes and hallucinating when attempting to sleep, anxiety, ect). I felt a conviction not to take medication, as I rightly believed I didn’t need it but my family begged me as they saw how my body was reacting. I eventually caved, and to my own folly, lost that miracle healing. The next day when I woke up, I felt strangled again by self obssession and ego, like it was clawing it’s way back in. I didn’t really understand what was happening, was really angry at God and didn’t believe in him anymore (“if God doesn’t want anything to do with me, then I don’t want anything to do with him”, I thought to myself). If you lived in darkness your whole life and were exposed to the light, you’d be furious to be back in darkness again.

    Anyways, months pass away from God, I’m pretty much back to normal, still unsure of what to think. I’ll cut it short, after much resisting and pleas from friends to come back to church and Christ, God granted me that. I was on a spiritual born again high for a long time, bore good fruits, had some questionable ones still (like lacking empathy, yet having compassion). Anyways, fast forward to now, more than a year on, and my faith is shipwrecked. After that incredible high, didn’t maintain those spiritual disciplines and the further away from God I got, the more of me there seemed to be and I despair. I’m back to being a narcissist. It sucks….
    There’s so much self loathing, self pitying and victim mentality going on. I know the things I think and do are wrong, yet no longer feel conviction or sorrow over my sins. I regret them and that’s about it. I haven’t felt His presence in months, can’t reach him in prayers, realize I manipulate God’s people and make things all about serving my interests so have pulled back from fellowship with others. I’m unrepentant yet again and am super legalistic. I’ve lost the relationship I had with God altogether, yet know in my heart he is real.

    I’m currently seeing a counselor, a pastor and been reading a ton of books but nothing seems to penetrate the heart, no information seems to stick. I know I am incapable of changing and want to take my life to be with the Lord now over it. But I’m afraid of hell (“Depart from me, I never knew you”). Christianity has become a means to fuel my ego, God has become a tool to get what I want, religion and faith are something that make me into a Pharisee now. I hate to admit that but it’s the truth. I’ve modified my behaviour a lot but that inner heart transformation is missing. I’m trying to give it all to God but that would mean complete surrender, and the thought of that is knowing its good for me but also terrifying because that’s akin to psychological death and holding on is all I know.

    I don’t know what to do. I’m reading through Scott Peck’s “People of the Lie” and it brought upon all that shame and condemnation knowing I’m evil but too evil to admit that and repent. It’s been insightful yet triggering.

    Hope this can shed some light on NPD’s ever getting better. I did, but it was not a permanent change. Trust me, no bullshit, it happened and I believe it’s possible. Seeking out healing/re-deliverance but have my doubts hence the suicidal ideations :/
    What are the chances of something that miraculous happening again? God seems to be punishing that decision to take the medication. What do you make of all this?

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  41. i read the post “A new insight on being the only child of a narcissistic mother” and was curious if there was a current link to the article you reference? or a way to find it. i am an only child of a narc mother. in doing extensive research, i’m trying to find out why i don’t fit into any of the boxes of survivors of narc abuse. so thank you so much for the post.

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