About Me

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“Hear No Evil Speak No Evil” by Shadowmarim on Deviantart

For a long time I thought I suffered from The Trifecta of Victimhood (largely brought on by my lifetime of living as prey in a jungle of predatory narcissism): Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD) and Aspergers Syndrome. Try living with that combination. Never a dull moment, but I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. It’s still better than being a Narc. [my thoughts on that last remark after my dive down the rabbit hole: HAHAHAHAHA! LMAO!]

Why the laughter?
Because for awhile, from about August 2015 through December I was absolutely convinced I was really a Covert Narcissist.

It’s very confusing, but thank God I’m not one. My therapist doesn’t think I do, but Complex PTSD, BPD and Avoidant PD together can look an awful lot like Covert Narcissism.

I also suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (fall/winter type) and was recently given a new diagnosis of C-PTSD (replacing the BPD).

23 thoughts on “About Me”

  3. Hi. I just stumbled across your blog while looking for reviews of “Knowing the Narcissist”. I was recently diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome and suspected C-PTSD. Until a few years ago I was in a relationship with a partner who became narcissistically abusive. Ever since I was discarded I have been trying to make sense of how it all went from heaven to hell so quickly. Once I’d had time to get my head together I suspected that my ex had BPD with narcissistic traits and sure enough a few months later she was diagnosed with BPD.

    After a long wait I have finally found a counsellor who has clinical nursing experience with clients who have ASD and clients who have PDs. I finally feel like I’m understanding how much of our conflict was driven by my needs as an Aspie clashing with her needs as somebody who has BPD. The only thing is that this has led to me seeing ASD and BPD as opposite to each other in many ways, which makes it difficult for me to understand how somebody could have both, but I’m keen to find out. I’m also keen to understand how people with BPD experience the world so that I can learn from my mistakes and better empathise with people who have BPD. My ex wasn’t the first person in my life who has BPD and she won’t be the last. Thank you for sharing your experiences and I look forward to reading more.

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  4. Hey luckyotter. I am a 2nd year student in college and I am doing an Extended project on narcissist/psychopaths and their children. So I wanted to ask whether you can help me in my project by answering a questionnaire that I have prepared (which I will send you if you agree) since you have been through this. Can you e-mail me if you want to participate, i’ll really appreciate it.

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  5. Hello!
    I enjoyed reading your blog. I took socioIogy and psychology classes in college. At one point in my life , I thought I had NPD, but I actually am on the autism spectrum. Some of our traits can be similar. That being said, I don’t like your political rhetoric , to be frank! My reaction was, why does she have to ruin such a good blog with more negativity? Donald Trump is a man of good character. God showed me a dream about his true nature. People (His dissenters) misread him constantly. He is not what he seems. I really like Trump and I believe he will be one of our greatest presidents! These anti Trump people are bringing our country down with such negativity and its very discouraging to me. Such a waste. He is our president. We had to deal with 8 years of Obama. I don’t see why people can’t negotiate and work together on this. I am an INFP, btw. God Bless!

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    • Just curious — what is it about him that makes you think he is of good character? Not being a smartass — I’m genuinely curious. All I see is malignant narcissism with a good helping of sociopathy/psychopathy.

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  7. Hi! I really enjoyed your “dream description” describing c-ptsd! It was beautifully written and bursting with symbolism. I think you were carrying your wounded inner child, and the collapse of the staircase could be your defenses breaking down (eg self-reliance). I have c-ptsd, and avoid repressed trauma by chasing goals and thinking analytically. When I stated therapy, I had a dream, that I was in an orphanage, as an infant, and potential parents would come and adopt all the other babies. I could talk and tell them, about my work ethic, and felt helpless.

    I can really relate to the exhaustion; my boyfriend is highly energetic, and tries to keep me active, so I won’t be depressed. I spend a lot of time writing, about my trauma, but worry because, I love writing and would prefer to be reclusive. Do you ever feel that way?

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  8. Pingback: The 5 Child Roles In Dysfunctional Families - Health Experts

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  10. Hello Lucky Otter! I was recently divorced, and sorting through all the flying debris of my emotions from that relationship. I feel that my ex-husband absolutely gaslighted me when we went to marriage counseling. It was terrible and horrible. Therapists should be aware of this tactic. I was really glad to read your blog about this very tactic. I felt very alone in this, until I read your blog. Thank you for writing about your experiences! I want to learn how to become stronger and less of a people pleaser.

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  11. Glad I discovered your site. Your story sounds much like my own. NM, codependent dad, flying monkey sister. Abuse that you never knew was coming, tantrums, doors cupboards and drawers slamming, bitching, back-stabbing, petty jealousies, harsh criticisms, low moral and emotional support, physical abuse, sexual abuse from older brother and psychological sex abuse from my mother via her foul accusations and predictions that I’d become a prostitute one day. (I never did. Go figure.) With all our men gone (father, both brothers that is), it’s only me and NM and NSis now. Christmas 2008 was the last one I ever spent with them. It took me almost a whole lifetime to get up the guts to leave them behind. It was a painful, sorrowful journey to get there but now I have peace of mind and no more roller-coaster emotions and 2-week meltdowns after I’ve spent an evening with them. I have literally saved my sanity and physical and mental well being with them out of my life. Thanks to you and everyone here for being here and sharing.

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    • I’m glad you found my blog! I hope you find it both helpful and entertaining.

      You did the right thing, going No Contact. It’s so hard to do, but sometimes it can literally save our lives.

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  12. Hi. I have been going through my blog, My Soapbox, and I ran across your name, Lucky Otter. I’m thinking, “Who is this Lucky Otter,” so I clicked on the link and it was you. Amazing! So drop me a line sometime. Same email address. Fran

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  13. Hi, Lucky Otter, I am autistic and I have a friend who is, also, and one of whose favorite things is Otters. I got here by clicking on your Aspies Rule The Internet post from 2015 which was a result when I searched for something else, the combination of Otters/my friend/Autism bought me here. I don’t want to take your time but I was wondering whether you could point at posts or other things where you have elucidated why you no longer believe that you are on the spectrum, and what the characteristics, features, or, if applicable, diagnoses are that describe how you understand yourself at the moment. Thank you for your clear and beautiful and from what I can tell after this little bit of reading inclusive and non-judgmental writings.

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