It does get better.
Many people who have been in a close relationship with a person with psychopathy or malignant narcissism have been brainwashed by their abusers. They’ve come to believe love is something that requires they always sacrifice and do what their abuser wants and put their needs first. In the process you lose your soul. That’s not love. That’s codependency. Love always has to work both ways, with each person showing respect for the other person’s individuality (this doesn’t mean we always have to agree).
Abuse isn’t just physical. Most abusers are emotional vampires. The effects are so insidious we may not even notice what’s happening. If you always find yourself second guessing yourself around a particular person, feeling like you’re walking on eggshells, or hesitate to be honest with them about your true desires and feelings, be very careful.
I’m not a religious person (though I am spiritual) but here are a few prayers and other goodies that will help you get through the dark times. The first two show us what love is really all about.
Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi (Peace Prayer)
Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is error, the truth;
Where there is doubt, the faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
And where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
Grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled, as to console;
To be understood, as to understand;
To be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
Proverbs 3, 5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will direct your paths.
One of my favorite Bible passages is Ecclesiastes Chapter 3 (KJV):
1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
9 What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth?
10 I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it.
11 He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.
12 I know that there is no good in them, but for a man to rejoice, and to do good in his life.
13 And also that every man should eat and drink, and enjoy the good of all his labour, it is the gift of God.
14 I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever: nothing can be put to it, nor any thing taken from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before him.
15 That which hath been is now; and that which is to be hath already been; and God requireth that which is past.
16 And moreover I saw under the sun the place of judgment, that wickedness was there; and the place of righteousness, that iniquity was there.
17 I said in mine heart, God shall judge the righteous and the wicked: for there is a time there for every purpose and for every work.
18 I said in mine heart concerning the estate of the sons of men, that God might manifest them, and that they might see that they themselves are beasts.
19 For that which befalleth the sons of men befalleth beasts; even one thing befalleth them: as the one dieth, so dieth the other; yea, they have all one breath; so that a man hath no preeminence above a beast: for all is vanity.
20 All go unto one place; all are of the dust, and all turn to dust again.
21 Who knoweth the spirit of man that goeth upward, and the spirit of the beast that goeth downward to the earth?
22 Wherefore I perceive that there is nothing better, than that a man should rejoice in his own works; for that is his portion: for who shall bring him to see what shall be after him?
Psalm 16:11
You will show me the path of life
In Your Presence is fullness of joy
At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
The AA Prayer
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Footprints
One night I dreamed a dream.
As I was walking along the beach with my Lord.
Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,
One belonging to me and one to my Lord.
After the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that at many times along the path of my life,
especially at the very lowest and saddest times,
there was only one set of footprints.
This really troubled me, so I asked the Lord about it.
“Lord, you said once I decided to follow you,
You’d walk with me all the way.
But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I don’t understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me.”
He whispered, “My precious child, I love you and will never leave you
Never, ever, during your trials and testings.
When you saw only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you.”
This isn’t exactly a prayer, but still inspirational and filled with great advice.
Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.
© Max Ehrmann 1927
A Celtic Morning Prayer
I arise to day
Through God’s strength to pilot me :
God’s might to uphold me,
God’s wisdom to guide me,
God’s eye to look before me,
God’s ear to hear me,
God’s word to speak for me,
God’s hand to guard me,
God’s way to lie before me,
God’s shield to protect me,
God’s host to save me
From snares of devils.
From temptations of vices,
From every one who shall wish me ill,
Afar and anear.
Alone and in a multitude.
(from Selections from Ancient Irish Poetry, Meyer, Kuno)
Thanks to A Pastor’s Thoughts for this.
Lucky Otters Haven 
Rollins Band – Liar Lyrics
you think you’re gonna to live your life alone
in darkness
and seclusion
yeah I know
you’ve been out there
tried to mix with those animals
and it just left you full of humiliated confusion
so you stagger back home
and wait for nothing
but the solitary refinement of your room spits you back out onto the street
and now you’re desperate
and in need of human contact
and then
you meet me
and you whole world changes
because everything I say is everything you’ve ever wanted to hear
so you drop all your defenses and you drop all your fears
and you trust me completely
I’m perfect
in every way
cause I make you feel so strong and so powerful inside
you feel so lucky
but your ego obscures reality
and you never bother to wonder why
things are going so well
you want to know why?
cause I’m a liar
yeah I’m a liar
I’ll tear your mind out
I’ll burn your soul
I’ll turn you into me
I’ll turn you into me
cause I’m a liar, a liar
a liar, a liar
I’ll hide behind a smile
and understanding eyes
and I’ll tell you things that you already know
so you can say
I really identify with you, so much
and all the time that you’re needing me
is just the time that I’m bleeding you
don’t you get it yet?
I’ll come to you like an affliction
and I’ll leave you like an addiction
you’ll never forget me
you want to know why?
cause I’m a liar
yeah I’m a liar
I’ll rip your mind out
I’ll burn your soul
I’ll turn you into me
I’ll turn you into me
cause I’m a liar, a liar
liar, liar, liar, liar
I don’t know why I feel the need to lie
and cause you so much pain
maybe it’s something inside
maybe it’s something I can’t explain
cause all I do
is mess you up and lie to you
I’m a liar
oh, I am a liar
if you’ll give me one more chance
I swear that I will never lie to you again
because now I see the destructive power of a lie
they’re stronger than truth
I can’t believe I ever hurt you
I swear
I will never to you lie again, please
just give me one more chance
I will never lie to you again
I swear
that I will never tell a lie
I will never tell a lie
no, no
ha ha ha ha ha hah haa haa haa haaa
sucker
sucker!
oh, sucker
I am a liar
yeah, I am a liar
yeah I like it
I feel good
ohh I am a liar
yeah
I lie
I lie
I lie
oh, I lie
oh I lie
I lie
yeah
ohhh I’m a liar
I lie
yeah
I like it
I feel good
I’ll lie again
and again
I’ll lie again and again
and I’ll keep lying
I promise
Songwriters: O’RIORDAN, DOLORES MARY / HOGAN, NOEL
Liar lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group
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That’s a great song. I put it in one of my songs about narcissists posts.
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keep doing it,,, and stop calling emotionAL predtaors natrcissists,,SOCXIOPATHY PSYCHOPATHY BULLIES, PRDATORS GROOMERS COERCERS DECEIVERS CLUSTER B. there are two types of narcissist,,,
disabled brain narcissims is immortal, inpenetarable ego independant THATS THE TH NARC YUR ON ABOUT ..
THE OTHER TYPE IS JUST INDIFFERENT ARSEHOLES OR VERY DAMAGED PEOPLE..
YU ARE VICTIM BLAMING IN CALLING “NARCISSISM ” OUT ,,THERE IS HEALTHY NARCISSIM,, SELF CONFIDENCE AND EGO WHCIH CAN BE TURNED INTO SOMETHING RESEMBLING PSYCHOPATHY BUT THE PERSON SUFFERS FROM IT THEMSLEVES…
NOT OTHER PEOPLE.
THEN THERE ARE PATHOLOGICAL EMOTIONAL DECEIVERS…
PDA AUTISM AND PSYCHOPATHY,,,NO CONSCIENCE,,,THE TRUE ASPD FOLK,,,THE BEAHVIOUR DOIESNT CHANGE JUST ADAPTS..
IF YOU COULD EVER GET A PSYCHOPATH TO FULLY CONFESS THEIR INNE SELF?
ASPD I WHAT YOU WILL FIND..
MALIGNANT NARCISSISM.
YU HAVE FALLEN INTO SAM VAKNINS TRAP OF LABEL HIMSELKF THEN OBFUSCATE THE LABEL TO HIS OWN AGANEDA..
NARCISSISM IS UNHEALTHY BEHAVIUOUR,,,
PSYCHOPATHS AND PDA AUTISTS AND SOME ASPERGERS HAVE PATHOLOGICAL NARCISSIM , WHOLLY SELF CENTED , ANY EMOTION IS A SHOW OR A MISDIRECT,
THEY LITERALLY CANT HELP EMSLEVES,,,
AND AT THE MOMENT?
THEY ARE BLAMING SELF CONFIDENT PEOPLE AS PSYCHOPATHS AND GETTING AWAY WITH IT COS AUTISTIC FOLK SOMETIMES CANT SPOT THE CLEAVER THAT DR HARE PUT THROUGH PSYCHOPATHY FOR THE GOOD OF EVERYONE..
THERES A BIUOLOGICAL FORM AND A BEHAVIOURAL ONE AND THEY HAVE NBOTHING TO DO WITH ONE ANOTHER EXCEPT ONE IS A CONSEQUENCE OF EXPOSING NEUROTYPICAL OR NAIVE AUTISTS TO PSYCHOPATHY FROM AN EARLY AGE…OR LATER AGE..
THEY ARE EVIL..
THERE OS NOTHING BEHIND THE LASK EXCPET HATE FOR YOU AND A NEED TO CONTROL AND CAUSE PAIN.
PDA AUTISM?
IS SIMILAR SADLY, THESE PEOPLE AE NEVER GOING TO SHOW OR HAVE EMPOATHY IN ANY WAY..
AND TYHE WORD IS PSYCHOPATH
ORIGINALLTY AUTOISTIC PSYCHOPATH WHICH INDICATES THE UNREATABLE NON MEDICAL IDEA THAT ITS A DISORDER RATHER THAN ILLNESS.
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ALL PSYCHOPATHS ARE INVINCIBLE NARCISSISTS, NOT ALL NARCISSISTS EVEN INVINCIBLE ONES…ARE PSYCHOPATHS,,,THEY ARE PDA AUTISTS OR PDD-NOS AUTISTS,,,
AND THEY WILL TELL YOU THEY HAVE ASPERGERS OR OCD HAPPILY CONFUSING THE WHOLE DISCIPLINE WITH AN OFFHANDF COMMENT TO TRY TO SHOW THEY HAVE INSIGHT.
CHEAP FAKES..
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PROTECT YUSELF FROM NARCISSISM AND THE DESIRES OF ANOTHER COERCING AND CONTROLLING YOU…
BUT I FEEL SLIGHTLY NARCISSISTIC WHEN I BUY MY GIRLFRIEND A PRESENT AND SHE SMILES AND MAKES ME FEEL GOOD:)
THATS HEALTHY NARCISSISM.. I CONFESS I AM A NARCISSIST,, BUT IN ACKNOWLEDHGING MY EGO AND SELF CONFIDENCE IM OK WITH IT. YOU SHOULD BE TOO, WE ARE ALL NARCISSISTIC TO SOME EXTENT..
WHEN ITS ALL ENCOMPASSING THEN YOU HAVE A NARCISSIST.
AND NOT NECESSARILY A PSYCHOPATHIC PREDATOR..
OFTEN THE NARCISSISM IS TO PROTECT THE INNER SELF FROM THE EMOTIONALLY INSTINCTIVE PREDATORS …THE PSYCHOPATHS AMOING US..
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THAT VAKNIN,,, PROPER SLIPPY BASTARD ,,,AND JOHN ROINSON TOO, READ WHAT HARE HAD TO SAY ABOUT HIM…..
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YU SAY YU AINT AN ACOLYTE BUT THAT MANS AN INFECTION,, HE LIKES FEMALE PSYCHOPATHS , HAS AN AFFINITY WITH THE BOLDER ONES,,, HES CUED UP THAT SITE TO BAN MEN BASICALLY AND FILL ABUSED WOMENS AND PSYCHOPATHIC REACTIONARY HARLOTS HEADS WITH BULLSHIT ABIUT NARCISSIM WHEN HES TALKING ABOUT PSYCHOPATHY,,,
HES JUST A VERY NARCISSTIC AND POMPOUS PSYCHOPATH,,,SO HE PRJECTS WHAT HE HATES ABOUT HIMESLF ONTO THE CONDITIONA ND GETS A LOAD OF EMOTIONALLY HONETS BEHAVIOURS BLAMED AS NARCISSTIC..
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IF YU WANT TO LEARN ABOUT PSYCHOPATHY AND ITS SPECTRUMS OF VARIANCE.. WATCH HOLLYOAKS , EASTENDERS AND EMMERDALE…
THEY KILL EM OFF IN CORONATION STREET OR STITCH EM UP FOR THE MOST PART,, ECCPET KEN BARLOW AND HES A MILD ONE,,, JUST OVERLY SEXUAL ON CONVERSATIONALLY COERCIVE,,, HISTRIONIC PSYCHOPATHY AND PDA AUTISM?
IS THERE A DIFFERENCE?
THEY ALL SQUEEK LIKE THEY ARE TRAPPED WHEN YU ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS,,
ITS NOT WHAT YU SAY…ITS HOW AND WHY YU SAY IT…UNDERSTAND MOTIVE AND YU CAN PROTECT YURSLEF,, CRIMINOLOGY,,, THATS THE PAY DIRT..
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Irregardless of your opinion, these repeated comments constitute as spamming. I’m going to have to stop approving your comments if it continues.
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Thank you for sharing. I grew up with a narcissistic father but never had a term for it until recently. Life was a living hell growing up and I always thought there was something wrong with me, that I was unlovable. I’ve done a lot of inner work and since discovered that wasn’t the truth at all. Now I love myself more than ever, feel loved by those around me, and spread love to everyone I meet. My favorite prayer is the footprints poem. My mom had it on a little mirror inscribed in golden letters that I often read to myself as a child. I have a footprint tattooed on my ankle in reference to those words that got me through my childhood ❤
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Whether on the topic of narcissism or not, you’ve put together a great grouping of writings in this post to help ease an aching soul. Thanks! 🙂
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You’re welcome! I’m glad someone actually saw this page, I didn’t think anyone read it.
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🙂 Well, I recently had something printed in a Chicken Soup for the Soul book, so thought it might be related! lol. Anyway, it was a nice surprise to see your collection of feel-good writings to help when the going gets tough. Nicely done.
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Thank you for your lovely website. I love reading your posts and the sense you make of what it does to you to be around a narcissist. I’m only just starting to recognise my father was one. Some of my friends are. One of my exes was. And at times I’ve behaved in ways a narcissist might (being the victim, being demanding etc). But it’s teaching me to understand and let go of those behaviours, and avoid those people – to stop trying to ‘win them over’ to be happy, to empower themselves, and I won’t try to behave how they want so they’ll like me!! Argh! There are so many lovely people in the world. There’s no need to give narcissists supply. Whatever you give them is never, ever, ever enough. And I am done trying to feed them out of guilt. That won’t work anymore! Thank you for sharing your experiences, insight and inspiration about it all.
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