I’m beyond despondent and that’s why I haven’t been writing.   Watching the only country I ever knew collapse into fascism before my eyes is like watching a beloved friend or family member die a horrible, painful, death and being helpless to do anything about it.  It’s horrible.

Did anyone watch any of the Republican National Convention?  I saw clips from it and was disgusted and chilled.  It wasn’t like anything I associate with America or American values.   It was basically a glittery, drawn out version of those awful events where they go around a conference table and all Trump’s sycophants and enablers blather on about how perfect and wonderful Dear Leader is while he sits there gloating and soaking it all in.  And when Trump wasn’t being venerated, Democrats and liberals (most who want only to return to democracy and make it better) were being hatefully excoriated as villains and monsters who want to force socialism or even communism on everyone.  It was nauseating.

I don’t have the energy or motivation to write much else, but the article below I’ve posted a link to says everything I’m thinking and feeling, and is written from the perspective of someone who lived through the horrors of authoritarianism.  This may be one of the last times I can freely express how much I despise this sociopathic regime, because our First Amendment rights are being eroded in plain sight.  It’s every bit as bad (or will soon become as bad) as Nazi Germany, Assad’s Syria, Saddam’s Iraq, Pinochet’s Chile, Erdogan’s Turkey, Kim Jong Un’s North Korea, or the Taliban in Afghanistan.  At best, at BEST(!) we will become like Putin’s Russia.  I wish that were hyperbole.  I don’t think it is.

I no longer see any way civil war can be avoided.   Trump’s brownshirts and paramilitaries and ignorant cult members are itching for war.  They HATE us.  They gaslight us, dismiss our very real fears as Trump Derangement Syndrome, and constantly project their own wrongdoings onto us. We have been dehumanized, other‘d.  Peaceful protesters are now called terrorists and anarchists, but a 17 year old punk kid inspired by Trump’s “rough them up” rhetoric mowed down two protesters with a weapon of war and is being defended and protected by the Right because they think he’s a patriot.   These people aren’t going to compromise or give up their delusion that Trump is some kind of holy warrior or savior who is going to “make America great again.”   They aren’t going to suddenly grow empathy and start to care about the rights of people who aren’t just like themselves.

We have moved, as a nation, so far to the far right, that now American values such as democracy, freedom, and justice for all are now dismissed by Trump and his minions as socialism, or even communism. Communism!   We are a police state now, and it’s fast becoming normalized.

Living in America feels exactly like being trapped in an abusive marriage or inescapable family situation.   This is narcissistic abuse writ large.   But you can’t go No Contact, unless you are one of the fortunate ones who have the means to leave the country.

Yes, America has become one of those countries people want to leave.    But because of the out of control pandemic this regime refuses to do anything about because they hate scientists and experts, other countries have closed off their borders to us.   Trump got his wall, only the wall is being paid for by the rest of the world.

We must stop sugarcoating what is actually happening here.  None of this is normal.  Early in Trump’s first term, the German magazine Der Spiegel published an article warning us that Trump was a new Hitlerlike figure, an authoritarian fascist, and would establish an “illiberal democracy” (a euphemism for an authoritarian state or dictatorship).  They knew because they’ve been there.   We didn’t listen.  Now it may be too late to avoid such a fate.   I think there’s a chance we can still wriggle out of this mess, but it’s up to us now.   No one is coming to save us.

Facing the ugly and horrifying truth that America is now being ruled by fascists is our only hope.

Fascism.  SAY IT.



We Don’t Know How to Warn You Any Harder America Is Dying 



13 thoughts on “Despondency

  1. Lucky, I think some of your pessimism is due to the fact that you are living in North Carolina and therefore surrounded by more Trumpian types than I am, living in the Bay Area. Not that my situation is puppy dogs and roses either. We have had all these forest fires and the air is only now getting better. It’s been filled with smoke for days and days. Really depressing not having any fresh air outside my window to breathe. Of course, I’m “sheltering in place” like I’m spozed to which isn’t fun. It’s a constant reminder that our natural environment no longer exists. Our very nature is polluted. Of course, Trump doesn’t seem bothered by the world-wide pandemic as long as he can play dictator. I did watch the first two days of the Repuglican Convention. Yes, it was disgusting. I can’t believe how close in the polls Trump and Biden are despite the obvious evil of Trump and his hideous party. Well, his minions may well demand another Civil War if Trump loses. Personally, I would love to get out there and kill those idiots who want to impose fascism on our country. I can just forget I’m an old woman of 77 and just jump into the fray and cause rivers of repuglican blood to flow if those whiney sore losers don’t want to accept the results of the election.

    But I don’t think it will really come to that. Those sore-head losers are not crazy enough to come up against the might of the US military.

    Well, keep the faith. There are some pretty strong progressive currents alive too. That’s what keeps me hopeful.

    Liked by 3 people

    • I don’t know. I live in a VERY blue dot in my state, so I don’t think that’s it. This disease of fascism also isn’t limited to the south anymore. It’s alive and well in many northern and midwestern states now too. Ohio is redder than most southern states, in fact.
      Also, NC isn’t as conservative as everyone thinks. It’s really purple: it’s a swing state.
      Biden has a chance to win here, if GOP cheating doesn’t work.

      NC isn’t AT ALL like South Carolina, Alabama, or Mississippi. Maybe it was once, but it’s not anymore, probably thanks to the many colleges and universities here. The populace is more urban and educated, though the rural areas do tend to be conservative.

      I will give you that the West Coast does tend to be much bluer than the rest of the country, and I predict it will secede or join Canada eventually. But even there, there are right wing lunatics. If you doubt me, Google Matt Shea, a Republican from Washington state. That is one scary mofo, and even scarier that his extreme views are become mainstream.

      Liked by 2 people

      • “…the West Coast does tend to be much bluer than the rest of the country, and I predict it will secede or join Canada eventually.”

        Crazily enough, I woke up today day-dreaming about moving to Nova Scotia. It seems so peaceful and calm. I can even picture the house I would move into. I don’t think I can survive another four years of the far-right GOP and Trump.

        Liked by 2 people

        • I dream of Canada also, but I don’t see how it could happen for me. It’s expensive to relocate, never mind relocating to a new country, where you know no one. I’m also too old, and I hear they prefer younger people with better prospects than I would have at my age.

          Besides, the only part of Canada that wouldn’t be too cold for me ( I HATE cold weather and snow) would be coastal British Columbia.

          Right now though, there are few countries in the world that are open to us, because of the pandemic. Even third world countries handled the virus better than we have, and understandably, don’t want us coming in and reinfecting them. Hopefully, Biden/Harris will be elected, Trump will be frogmarched out of the White House in handcuffs (my fantasy!) and we can get back to things being normal again. Hopefully we will have learned a few things and do things differently in the future to avoid another trump.

          Liked by 1 person

    • Good article! I wish more people would realize that just making abortion illegal but not providing social supports to make it easier for women to have a child is NOT pro life! There’s a reason why abortion rates are LOWER during Democratic administrations and also lower in BLUE states! Most women who seek abortion are desperate! They don’t see any other options. But the religious right loves to act as if women are just lining up to have abortions like it’s some kind of a fun thing.
      The fact these people don’t seem to care about life that’s ALREADY HERE makes it pretty clear that their true motivation isn’t saving the unborn, but controlling women.

      Liked by 3 people

  2. Despondency. I feel exactly the same way. After George Floyd was killed, it seemed the bottom dropped out of my life. My immediate world is so quiet, quiet neighborhood, quiet neighbors. But there is this virus hanging over us. And the deaths of so many innocent black people are multiplying out of control. I honestly do not know anyone who feels this Despondency as you so aptly described. I feel useless, helpless. And I don’t have anyone to tell this to. I have been struggling with migraines, side effects of medications, probably fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue, sleep disorder, expensive home repairs. I spoke with both doctors by phone. In the middle of trying to get repair people in here, my phone robo-called my sister. I disconnected. I had to get repairs lined up. And I am exhausted. Later I wrote an email to my sister, saying that my phone robo-calls people, that I am trying to get repairs done, my nervous system is shot. And not one word from her. It’s been weeks and I have not heard from her. I wish my sister could “hear” me when I hit bottom. But she goes silent. You would think that with all the education in psychology that the three sisters have combined, that we could “be there” for each other. But my sisters do not seem to be able to offer some moral support. We three are severely dysfunctional. So was the family we came from. But in a pandemic, I wish the three of us could just “be there” for each other. I am Despondent. I am grateful for your words. It is a deep dark hole our world has fallen into. And I am not so sure that in November we Liberals will prevail. I read the link to the article about Survivors. Yeow! What a punch. Some say that that line of thought is too dark. It is dark. But it is also hitting the nail on the head. Americans have problems looking into the darkness. I had a professor in grad school. He introduced me to the art of looking into the darkness that is truly there whether we want to acknowledge it or not. He assigned our class Ernest Becker’s Denial of Death. I am probably the only one who actually enjoyed the book!! Between my professor and Ernest Becker, I learned to face the darkness in my life whether I liked it or not, whether I wanted to or not. The problem is that there are so few others who want to face that, let alone talk about it. And I crave so much for someone to share that darkness with. Shared darkness makes it a little lighter!?! Thank you for your blog today. It came in my email. I needed to know that someone else feels the darkness also. And I used to live in NC when I was small. I remember it fondly. The climate then was very temperate. And Fall was beautiful. Thank you.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Well written post! I wish there were better things happening in our country to write about
    You said “we have moved so far right as a country” but to me the scary part is the country at large hasn’t and will not trend that way
    We are seeing an ever diminishing minority fighting tooth and nail to maintain as much power as humanly possible
    Has never been good when that happens
    Ask S Africa or Ireland or the American South…

    Liked by 2 people

  4. What I don’t understand is how they think that fascism will benefit them. They too will suffer they are just too stupid to know or care. It frightens me how easily people are manipulated, and how stupid some truly are.

    Liked by 1 person

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