The house is all decked out for the holidays more than it’s been in years, thanks to my daughter’s efforts. But a couple of incidents have occurred in in the past 24 hours that have really put both of us in terrible moods and darkened our holiday spirit with worry and sadness.
I don’t really want to talk about what happened, because it’s not really a huge issue (no one died or is deathly ill) and like all things, it will pass, but it’s ruining her Christmas so much she has been in tears for 24 hours. As a person that is much more empathic than I ever used to believe I was (I think some of my natural empathy got freed up through therapy and self analysis), her low mood is affecting my own emotional state in a very negative way. Any Christmas spirit I had feels like it’s gone.
I’m trying to make the best of it, going through the motions, and by tomorrow perhaps I will feel better and be able to enjoy Christmas day. Gift giving is always fun and I have prepared a wonderful lasagna (my own Christmas tradition) and have a delicious buttercream chocolate/peppermint cake for dessert.
Another issue is I have drifted away from my church and religion in general (long story) and although I want to attend Christmas morning mass tomorrow, I doubt I actually will.
I’ve been having a lot of doubts about Christianity. I blame much of this on the way Christianity has been poisoned and corrupted by American right wing evangelical/dominionist preachers, politicians, and megachurches. Like a person with a specific phobia of elevators whose phobia generalizes to include all enclosed places, my entire outlook on Christianity (even the good kind that actually follows Christ’s teachings) is becoming poisoned.
I know the cure for this is to resist my negative feelings and go to church anyway, but every week I say I will go and then I don’t. I can certainly understand why so many people these days are becoming atheists, especially younger people. American right wing Christianity is turning good people away from God completely. And why wouldn’t they? Sociopathic people in power have made a God in their own image: a merciless God that is sociopathic, cruel, punishing, impossible to please, narcissistic, and who takes sadistic pleasure in endlessly and cruelly punishing the hapless humans he demands worship from. I know that’s not what real Christianity is about, but the compassionate, Christlike Christians don’t seem numerous enough, and certainly aren’t loud enough. Instead of fighting back, they turn the other cheek.
I hope you all have a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or Winter Solstice celebration. I hope you are happy this holiday no matter what you celebrate and aren’t bogged down by stress and worry.
Oh yeah. That reminds me. The Winter Solstice. The days are growing longer now, and that makes me very happy.