My narcissist hipster upstairs neighbor.

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I live in a duplex with a shared parking area.  I’ve had new upstairs neighbors for a few months.  They are youngish hipsters (probably in their mid 20s)  who seemed okay at first.  When they moved in I wanted to make them feel welcome, so I gave them a bottle of locally made wine (knowing that as hipsters they would probably like such a gift) which was pretty expensive too, and offered the use of my front porch anytime.

It seems like my efforts at goodwill didn’t mean much.  They fight every night (it’s always him I hear) and are completely uncooperative in every way you can imagine.   Or at least the guy is.

I never see the fiancee, who is supposedly an artist of some kind, but the guy has proved to be a passive-aggressive d**k.  His behavior seems to indicate severe, possibly malignant, covert narcissism.   I wonder if his fiancee is so silent and invisible because she suffers from PTSD.

First was the problem I had with their cat.    They have two Himalayans, and for about a month, one of them was always sitting in front of my door and would try to get inside whenever I went to open it.   My roommate told me this cat would be sitting out there all day on one of the porch chairs.  It seemed like they expected us to take her in, and maybe they thought I was a “crazy cat lady” because there are already 3 cats in this small apartment.   My daughter’s cat, BabyCat, has anxiety and territorial issues, and was beginning to act very sketchy and neurotic, compulsively grooming and meowing anxiously whenever the neighbor’s cat was outside my front door, which was most of the time.

I called my neighbor about the problem and he said snottily, “well, we can’t keep her upstairs, because she doesn’t get along with our other cat, and she doesn’t like being inside anyway.”

Well, then, idiot, why don’t you re-home her?   I didn’t tell him this.   He did nothing. The cat was still outside.  She was dirty and unkempt and it looked like she was never fed.  I called him again a few days later and left a message.  I got no response.   Being an animal lover, I hated the fact I had to start chasing her away, but what else could I do?   Even if I could have taken in another cat, which I absolutely can’t,  he probably would have been angry about it.

One day he saw me chasing the cat away from my front door and gave me a look that could kill, so I knew he was mad (he probably thinks I’m “cruel to animals” even though I’m anything but.  But after that, I didn’t see the cat again.

mangy_cat

Not their cat, just one I found on Google but the expression on this cat is epic. 

Now I’m dealing with the parking issue.  They have two cars, and between myself, my daughter, and my roommate, we have 3.   So there a total of five cars parked in a space that can really only hold three.   The neighbors are environmentalists and don’t want to “ruin the grass”,  even though they have never once mowed it (mowing the shared large front yard and the back yard falls on me, or whoever I can get to do it–and their side of the house is covered with 3 foot tall weeds). So what they do is they park both their cars on the gravel, and don’t bother to angle their cars so that I can get out easily in the morning (I have to back up over the gravel driveway to get out).  This guy is completely uncooperative, as you can see from these two phone conversations.   His tone seems snotty and entitled to me and he’s a liar too.

First text conversation:

textconv1_1

He was lying.  I could hear him and a bunch of their friends upstairs.  They never did move the car, and the next morning I almost hit it trying to back out.

In the second text conversation, the last message got sort of messed up, but I was trying to explain that I couldn’t use the other entrance because that goes into the parking area of the apartment complex next door, and they don’t want us to drive through there so it’s usually blocked off.  I would be forced to drive through the yard to get around that. So backing out is really the only way.

Second text conversation (this was today):

textconv2_1

textconv2_2

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I finally got him to agree to angle his car differently so I can get out, but not until I threatened to call the landlord about the problem (that part can’t be seen in the text conversation, because I told him this over the phone) and that if he didn’t start to angle his car, I would probably hit it trying to get out.

I hate the way this narcissistic brat is forcing me to resort to threats and aggression.  That’s not me at all, but it’s the only thing that seems to work with him, and the fiancee might as well be a ghost because I never even see her at all.  I wonder if they’ll make it to actual marriage.

17 thoughts on “My narcissist hipster upstairs neighbor.”

  1. What frustration, its particularly galling that a young able bodied man isn’t mowing the lawn at all but leaving it to you. I know how miserable a bad neighbor can make the neighborhood. But I’ve found the hard way that expecting a narc to change and become neighborly is an exercise in frustration. I confronted a narc neighbor one time, politely and respectfully and she declared war on me. The next 3 years were a living nightmare of walking on eggshells IT was so not worth saying anything to her. Because narcs aren’t reasonable. A reasonable request is seen as a declaration of war and no punches are held back after that.

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    • True! He was SO PO’d at me that I chased his scraggly cat away even after I’d asked POLITELY that they keep her upstairs or rehome her, and explained that she was bothering one of my cats. He’s very passive aggressive. I wonder about the fiancee. I wonder why she’s so silent and I never even see her.

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  3. For the fiancé’s sake, I hope they don’t make it to marriage, because really, what a jerk. (For all I know, she’s as bad as he is, though, just in a different way.)

    Gosh, I feel so bad for you; narcs just seem to be cropping up everywhere, or maybe that’s because we’re learning the signs. And geesh, I’m all for environmentalism, I’m pretty staunch that way myself, but one patch of grass being killed isn’t that big a deal. Grass is resilient like that. And if they’re such big environmentalists, why do they need two cars? Walk or bike or bus to wherever you’ve got to go, or rearrange your errands, I mean, really. And then to treat your poor cat (not to mention your neighbors!) like that and complain about killing grass is just sick.

    Gah. Here’s hoping you can find some way to live with them, or else that one or the other of you can move out soon.

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    • I have nothing against environmentalists either, Wolfgirl. But these neighbors are hypocrites. Not only do they have two cars, but they ripped up the carpeting and then threw it on the front lawn three weeks ago and it’s still there! And they care so much about the poor grass, lol. They didn’t seem to care about that poor cat at all. They throw away more trash than anyone I’ve ever seen. Every week the trash barrels are overflowing and they don’t even bother separating the stuff to be recycled from the regular trash, even though there are two large bins clearly labeled. And they order a bunch of crap constantly so there are always boxes and lots of styrofoam in the trash and no room to put any of my trash. For such “green” people, these two leave a VERY big footprint! 🙄

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  5. Hi I really think you are over personalising this and suffering as a result. The expression it takes two to argue comes to mind. Don’t get me wrong, I understand you as I tend to take lots of little things personally too but since trying DBT techniques to reduce my emotional reactions and also looking at the “will this be important in 5 years? scenario” helps me to reduce my reactions.
    I think also you are falling into the trap of labelling. Not everyone has a PD. Some people are just inconsiderate and it is more about him wanting a convenient parking place than wanting to upset you. Do you do DBT at all? Might help you accept things you can’t change such as others’ behaviour. We can only change our own reactions.
    Sending love

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    • I’m not really all that upset by this. More just annoyed, and needed something to post about today. I actually think it’s kind of funny in a way. You have a point about the over-labeling, he could just be an everyday a-hole, but there’s definitely a lack of empathy on his part. Whatever, problem is solved. For now.

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  6. frustrating. ive written management in my building several times due to loud music,drills at 8 am that go one for weeks and door slamming.. noise pollution is my worst pet peeve..actually it triggers really bad ptsd in me…because I get ANGRY due to the injustice and simultaneously feel weak and unheard and helpless…. they fight too.. yell scream..

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