Once again, my MN/ASPD sociopath ex has proven what a conscienceless shell of a person he has become. Maybe he’s always been this way but it seems to become worse the older he gets. Maybe he just masked his true nature better in the past, and pretended to be a decent person, or maybe he’s really gotten a lot worse. He used to have some emotions; now he appears to have none at all. He doesn’t even bother pretending to be a decent person anymore. He’s a man who is so cut off from all feeling and whose heart has turned so black that he can’t even squeeze out any empathy or drum up any human decency to his own children. To him, they are just objects to use for his convenience and maybe, for a few lulz at their expense.
Unlike some lower spectrum narcissists, this man is so malignant he’s beyond redemption. He has zero self awareness and never will have it. He’s way far too gone. If the Dark Triad had a poster boy, he would be it. A long time ago, he sold his soul and it’s never coming back. One of his favorite forms of abuse is financial abuse. He used to abuse me financially all the time, mostly by freeloading and refusing to work, although he used to steal from me too.
As most of you know, my daughter has been staying with me while she tries to save enough money to move into a place of her own. She’s been working hard–faithfully going to her job every day where she works long, grueling hours, and she’s saving money diligently, adding something to her apartment fund every time she gets paid. Since she doesn’t make a lot, I don’t charge her rent so she is able to save more easily. Her saving money and not spending it all is an improvement for her. It’s a good sign that she’s becoming more mature and less impulsive–and she told me the other day how proud she is of herself for being able to resist impulse buys and save money instead.
But she made a mistake. She didn’t put the money in a bank account. She keeps it in a box next to where she sleeps. She trusts me and knows neither I nor my housemate would ever dream of stealing money or anything else from her.
My daughter is a very codependent sort of person, and still thinks of her dad as her sun, moon and stars. She loves him dearly, although he doesn’t deserve her love. She knows how sociopathic and narcissistic he is, but loves him because he’s her father and the concept of family actually means something to her.
Today, while I was at work, she let him come over to the house for ten minutes, because they had been somewhere this morning and she wanted to change her clothes. She was going to make him some coffee before he left.
I don’t allow this man into my house and she knows how I feel about him. But at least she was honest. She texted me and said he was only staying for ten minutes and then leaving. I told her I wasn’t pleased, but that fine, make sure he leaves in ten minutes and watch him. Don’t take your eyes off him for a second. He’s a thief and a snoop.
Right then she got a phone call from someone she’s dating and went into the bathroom to take the call, not thinking her father would have time to do anything. When she returned, he told her had to leave. She said fine, but before he left, she told me she had the urge to go look in the box where she’d been keeping her apartment savings fund. Unfortunately the box had been right next to her father the whole time. She opened the box, and it was empty. All the money was gone.
She burst into tears of hurt and betrayal. She told him she’d been saving money in that box so she could get a place of her own. She didn’t want to accuse him of anything, but she knew he’d taken it. She told him how hard she’d worked for that money, and how hard it was to save. It wasn’t that much (only about $225) but it had taken about three months to save, being that she can only save about $20 a week. Her tears didn’t move him. She told me later she saw a flicker of something that might have been remorse or guilt, but that look quickly disappeared and was taken over by his usual expressionless, cold, flat stare.
“I didn’t take your money,” he said. “You must have misplaced it,” he continued, gaslighting her. “Or maybe your mother took it.” Of course, there he went blaming me, even though I wasn’t even there. She kept crying, but he showed no empathy, didn’t offer any words of comfort or a hug or anything. He just started talking about the election instead, and then said he had to leave. This is a man who doesn’t need financial help. He gets over $2,000 a month in SSDI and gets food stamps and Medicare. He has very few expenses and sits at home all day long trolling political websites and painting miniature lead soldiers. He took her money because he could. Because he’s a conscienceless POS.
I told her she needed to go No Contact with him. She knows it’s worked for me. But she’s too softhearted and can’t do it. “He’s still my dad,” she said. She loves him even after this. I know she won’t let him in the house again. She learned her lesson. She knows how dangerous he is. Maybe one day she will cut ties from him completely. I can only pray for this. She’s going to keep saving her money, starting from scratch, and put it in a bank this time.