3 childish and infuriating things narcs do to make you shut up.

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There are two variations of the Silent Treatment that are common in narcissists (and bratty children, who narcissists resemble).

Your Narc ever do either of these things to you? My MN sociopathic ex used to do these things ALL the time whenever I was trying to make an important point and/or defend myself from his abuses. Whenever he did either of these things, I wanted to shove his face through a wall.

1. The Sing-Song Game.

cant_hear_you

If I was trying to tell him something important, he’d actually stick his fingers in his ears and sing “LALALALALALA!” Like the Silent Treatment, this tactic is an effective way of making you feel not heard, with the added advantage of implying that your message is unimportant or stupid enough to attract such a childish reaction. It’s infuriating–and of course that’s the intention.  They’re trying to get a reaction from you, because an emotional reaction (even a negative one) gives them an easy fix of narcissistic supply.

2. The Echo Chamber.

pleasekeeprepeating

Echolalia (repeating everything you just said) might be even more infuriating than the Sing-Song Game. It’s another thing both children and narcissists love to do to cut down anything you have to say. You say or ask something, and they repeat it. You ask them to stop, and they repeat that. And on into eternity. They may even mock your tone of voice while doing this or your mannerisms. My ex also did this all the time.

You: “I wish you’d chew your food with your mouth closed.”
N: “I wish you’d chew your food with your mouth closed.” (said with mouth full of food)
You: “I asked you not to do that.”
N: “I asked you not to do that.”
You: (sighs)
N: (exaggerated sigh)
You: “Do I have to leave?”
N: “Do I have to leave?”
You: (becoming angry): “STOP IT!”
N: (exaggerating your angry tone of voice): “STOP IT!”

If you respond with silence at this point, you’ll be met with silence too. After all, this is only a variation of the silent treatment. The best thing to do is leave. Nothing you do or say is going to stop them, until they become bored.

3.  Smile!

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Sometimes, when you’re trying to talk about a serious subject, the narcissist will smile or even giggle inappropriately. Oh, they know you’re being serious, but again this tactic is meant to undercut the seriousness of what you’re trying to say and is intended to annoy or anger you.  It’s a simple but effective weapon to kill communication.

Can you think of other infuriating, childish things  narcs do to kill communication?  I may add them to this post.

14 thoughts on “3 childish and infuriating things narcs do to make you shut up.”

  1. 1. Shouting out a barrage and then storming off in a sulk when they don’t get their own way.
    2. Defending or denying their own harmful words or actions and then ironically accusing you of exhibiting those behaviours yourself even when you don’t.
    3. Talking for ages without interruption so that you are unable to share your point of view.
    4. Mortification that renders one speechless.

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    • Point two is so unjust and frustrating that you end up backing down and shutting up as you get no where.

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    • 1. Yep, they do that too.
      2. Projection. Mine did it all the time.
      3. Yep. Everything’s all about them.
      4. You mean saying things that shock you into silence? Yes, that too.

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      • Yes on point four. They either embarrass you directly or are rude to others so that you struggle to find the right words to respond and stay quietly fuming. I’ve apologised to complete strangers when it hasn’t been my fault.

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  2. The tactic to confuse humiliate and degrade shuts off communication attemps because real communication cannot be allowed by narcs. Their shallow empty lives depends on hiding the truth that if you peel off those barriers they create you’d find nothing under them. A relationship with a narc is a non relationship they can’t do real relationships thus they avoid anything that might bring about growth and understanding
    My marriages were all about frauds hiding their true selves not real marriages so they didn’t do the work required nor did they want to..
    Two methods of blocking out real relationship both my husbands did was to alternate between random unpredictable violenice or turning their back toward me. One husband spent several days turning his back towards me. I’d walk in the room he’d turn the other way making sure that I only saw his back. It took some real work to keep that up. It made me feel so alone and I really was narc marriages are extremely lonely experiences
    A had a boyfriend for awhile after my divorce who’d randomly say in the middle of a visit “leave now” and would literally throw me out the door before I could gather my things There is something really degrading about being thrown out the door like garbage

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  3. The ex narc in my case would do no.3 on several occasions, that I can recall. I got shocked and asked him why he was smiling when I was close to tears? It just was such an alien thing to do, that I felt like I was in a madhouse.
    He didn’t use no.1 or 2 that I can recall, at least not frequently so that I would remember it…
    His most used tactic was to 1. Start talking about something else completely (avoidance), or if on a text conversation, to just send something completely random as a response, like a photo of something…. infuriating!! And his other favorite tactic was no.2) To tell me that I had “anger issues” or that I “was never happy and always negative, and that he CHOSE to be happy and positive instead! (So infuriating that I wanted to punch his face! But of course I did not)…

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    • yep… I was driven to actual homicidal thoughts with my ex. its when I knew I had to leave. he was beyond exasperating til my brain shut down. I would daydream about homicide.JUST in daydream, I knew the difference by the way! point is.. I was fantasizing about it which is a desperate attempt to save my life . I could think of things he did now, as above BUT im so afraid they weren’t even intentional! im afraid to “go back there” and remember how he was a true sociopath and the things that drove me mad..may not have even been realized by him. even though I always expressed the annoyance ..the rage..the hatred for what he did or said.. til this day I still don’t think he ever understood. I had to waiver between… “he is doing that on purpose to antagonize me” to “he really has no clue”
      both too much work.

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      • Susan, I think homicidal thoughs are normal when you are in a position of helplessness at the hands of a sociopath who is doing everything in their power to destroy you short of actually killing you. And their abue DOES kill–it kills your soul and eventually your body and mind suffer too. That’s why getting away and going NC is the only thing you can do, espcially if you start to have those homicidal thoughts (which are perfectly normal in victims like us)

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  5. Oh yes indeed…..I sure do agree with the comments and the interpretation of “soul-killing” and the importance of NC.

    It’s an extremely aggressive maneuver to ignore someone. It’s just about the most invalidating thing that you can do to a human being. If you are dealing with someone who is engaging in this tactic on a regular basis you are dealing with an extremely hostile and rage-filled person who wants to inflict as much pain as possible. It’s also a gas-lighting maneuver because they can pretend that it’s not happening depending on how they perpetrate the behavior. These types of behaviors are not only childish but they are downright viscous in nature. Ignoring tactics are based in control and manipulation and are very abusive.

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  6. For me, I like to say, “if you are going to act like a child, do it by yourself.” Then I leave. Life is too short to tolerate that behavior. If they want to change, they will if they don’t nothing I can do will make them change.

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