Beware who you befriend on the Internet.

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Not all ACON blogs or bloggers are “safe.” On another blog, which I will not name, my character is being ripped apart and an article I posted which was one of my most honest and vulnerable ones is being used as fodder for the attack. In this abusive post, my character is being cruelly compared with golem (a type of demon). There was no instigation for this attack, since I have made no references at all to this other blogger, their blog, or their friends’ blogs in in over a year. The attack just came out of the blue. Interesting that a post was chosen where I was at my most vulnerable. Isn’t this what narcissists do? The hypocrisy is staggering.

Someone also tried to send me a virus in my email yesterday. I wonder if there is any connection? Hmmmm.

Here’s a little background. About a year ago, I was mobbed and my character ripped to shreds on a few blogs (not WordPress blogs, fortunately) because of a disagreement with a blogger who I had thought was a friend. Boy, was I wrong. This person is part of a tight clique of bloggers who may well have suffered horrendous childhood abuse (no one could make up the stories they tell), but if you have the slightest disagreement with any of them, you will be added to their shit list. You will be called names, vicious lies will be told about you, and you will be accused of doing things they themselves are doing (projection). They are so angry and bitter they can only see in black and white, never any shades of grey. Their rage has turned them into the very thing they hate the most and they are incapable of seeing their own narcissism and abusive behavior. Or they just don’t care. They are wolves in sheeps’ clothing, but claim to be anything but.

I was thinking about just ignoring the post and saying nothing, but why should I? Why should I let this dangerous person intimidate me? Why should I not warn others? I only wish I had paid attention to the red flags early on (or seen them). I know better now. I won’t name these blogs or this particular blogger here, but here are some things to watch out for. If you see a blog that does any of the following, do not comment or get involved with that blog. If you must read that blog, read it as a lurker.

I am setting my other blog to private for now because that’s the source of the article that fueled this sneak attack.

Does the blog you read belong to a narcissist or abuser?

1.  Black and white thinking: they preach hatred and demonize a certain group of people (in this case narcissists) as being ALL bad or ALL evil ALL the time. Sure, some narcs may be *close* to 100% bad, but the seething black hatred that never seems to end is not merely a red flag, it’s a flashing neon sign.

2.  Cultishness: no tolerance for disagreement; they launch ad hominem and personal attacks on commenters who have the audacity to disagree with them;  dismiss the writers of critical (not abusive) comments as “trolls”

3.  Religion is used to shame, intimidate, and threaten (if you don’t believe *whatever* you are going to burn in Hell, etc.)

4.  If applicable, dwell on how they were abused and how they continue to suffer, without seeming to ever grow or change or learn anything about themselves from the experience.

5.  Paranoid and hypervigilant, suspecting everyone who disagrees with them or displeases them in some way as being narcissists or even sociopaths. (Yes, I have been called a sociopath by this group).

6.  Quick to project their own abusiveness onto others

7.  Never seem to take responsibility or admit when they’ve been wrong.

8.   Continue their vicious attacks even after the “danger” has passed (I haven’t had any dealings or made any mention of this blogger or their minions in over a year). This is just plain bullying.

9.   They use information you have given them (or that they have found out) against you or twist it around into a lie. If you have posted something where you admit vulnerability, expect that to be used against you later on.

10.  Usually have allies (flying monkeys) who appear out of nowhere to assist in the abuse when you have offended one member of the group and they have decided you’re an Enemy. May be part of a tight clique of other bloggers or hangers on.

11.   You just feel uncomfortable commenting or being honest on that blog or you feel somehow intimidated or judged — listen to your intuition: it’s telling you something.

Here’s a very good article about these types of online bullies:
22 Signs of Online Destructive Narcissists in Forums and Online Communities

22 thoughts on “Beware who you befriend on the Internet.”

  1. Sorry you had that happen to you! I have only ever had positive exchanges with other bloggers, but then, I haven’t been blogging for that long. I hope they leave you in peace from now on! Take care and be well.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ah, the cult of the broken wheel chair is still raging on I see. It’ll be cyclical. You can only milk a damaged childhood for so many months before you have to find a new sudject matter. It absolutely blows my mind how poisoned people can repeat the same things over, and over , and over. The saddest part is that in a big way, their abusers have won, because they’re still in direct control of the abused minds and hearts. You’re an easy target out here in net land. Hope you let it roll off. 👍🏽

    Liked by 2 people

    • I am letting it roll off, and I was also thinking the same thing as you — that by acting that way, they have let their abusers win. Their abusers wanted to see their souls destroyed, and look, it happened. But they can’t see that.

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  3. I’m sorry that this is still going on… I hope you won’t quit blogging, since your posts are very helpful. But you need to do whatever is best for you. Thank you for this warning post. I hope it will prevent future attacks on you and others. It’s so easy to attack someone who opens up about difficult, personal things. It’s disgusting when people do that… We need people to be more open and tolerant to each other, but things like this bullying will do the opposite.

    Liked by 2 people

    • No, I definitely won’t stop blogging. In fact, this makes me want to blog more, and this sort of thing needs to be brought out in the open. I know I’m not the only one.
      But I agree with what you’ve said and the intention is to make their target STFU. But it’s not going to happen! I did set my other blog to private but that’s temporary, until the dust settles.

      Liked by 2 people

      • I think it’s good that you posted about this. People need to be made aware of the ACON wolves in sheep’s clothing, so if they ever become a target of their online bullying, they will know they aren’t the only ones.

        When the attack happened to me, I didn’t know anyone else who had gone through that. I was very new to the ACON blogging community and felt like I had found my home and my soul family when suddenly, WHAM. I said something ignorant and although I immediately owned up to it and apologized profusely, my new online “family” turned on me like a pack of rabid beasts.

        All their verbal abuse made me question my own sanity. It made me flash back to the abuse of my childhood and first marriage. I felt like I was in a time warp from hell! It was truly horrible.

        Writing about it now, from the perspective of all the healing and growth I have experienced since then, it seems silly that I even cared about what a small group of mean spirited hate mongers said about me. But at the time I felt like my world had ended.

        I wouldn’t wish that horrifying nightmare on anyone. I started to say “except on them,” but on second thought, no, I don’t. Because it’s too horrible of an experience even for my worst enemies.

        Liked by 3 people

        • I felt the same way when they turned on me. I was viciously gaslighted and accused of all the following: having an “agenda,” getting paid or otherwise compensated (?) by Sam Vaknin to promote his views (say whaaaaatt???–just because he had commented on a couple of my posts about him), being a sociopath/malignant narc, love-bombing one of the bloggers who I had thought was a friend and I approached at first, being a narc sympathizer, spreading misinformation, not really being an abuse victim, stealing someone’s post and passing it off as my own (I had merely LINKED to and quoted from it!), being confused (okay, I admit there’s truth to this), and other things. All of these are lies and my words (in private) to one blogger were twisted around to be used against me by the whole group which descended like a pack of rabid vultures. I was told by one that my religion was the “wrong one” (their narc parents were the same religion so obviously it’s a trigger for them) and I would be going to hell unless I repented. I was sent cruel anonymous troll comments (which I trashed because they were abusive, not merely critical). This crap goes on and on.

          Yet these are the same people that act all holier than thou and claim to hate narcs so much they are compared to demons. They say they are “seared” and you cannot pray for them or hope for them to change because that in itself is a terrible sin and God will send you to hell for even that. (I want no part of such a “God”). They use the Bible to back these claims, but then I want to ask: what about Paul? Saul was an extreme, maybe malignant, narc and he saw the light! But they conveniently forget this, also Jesus’ words about forgiveness and loving the sinner but hating the sin. What hypocrisy. These are narcissistic people who worship a cruel, narcissistic God and are so blinded by their own hate they can’t see that they’ve become what they hate. They wonder why their lives continue to be so miserable. Forget about the afterlife–they are already living in hell. They won’t change until they see what their hate has done to them. Forgiveness? They have none. One of the bloggers (the one who is attacking me right now — I refuse to read the comments) even has a sadistic, cruel streak and seems to take pleasure in cruelly making fun of people they dislike and trying to garner laughs at their expense. The post about me has zero value to anyone, just as the posts about you had zero value–their only purpose is to poke vicious fun and get laughs from the flying monkeys.

          A couple of these blogs do have value, for someone just coming out of an abusive relationship–righteous anger is a healthy emotion when you’re going no contact. (But they should have warning labels on them to not get involved). But beyond that, all that anger becomes toxic to its bearer and you will start seeing narcissism in everyday human behavior and eventually become one yourself. That’s the danger of staying stuck in rage and hatred. It poisons the soul and there is no emotional growth. It’s very sad.

          I’m not alone. Others have had the same experience. I know there are other forums/blogs where the same thing has happened to others (the article I linked to is based on that blogger’s experience on a message board that I never participated in). I had another run in with another narc-posing-as-victim on Facebook but who showed their true colors early on before any real damage was done. You have to be very careful. The problem with abuse victims is narcissism is contagious and it seems that many victims become infected.

          Liked by 4 people

          • Just face it Otter, you’re cover as a double agent has been blown. Sams checks in the mail, and don’t forget that meeting we have next week with the Councel o’ Foreign Relations. I’ll send the drones out for damage control…LOL.

            I’m thinking some have a cptsd loop that turns over and over in their thought processes constantly. Only God knows how much of their deluded thinking is involuntary and how much is an actual craving for sadism like the very kind their all victims of to begin with. No matter , we avoid and go no contact just any disordered person. I know for years after the spell broke I was constantly raging and emoting about old wounds , fresh wounds, and even more memories that came flooding back after I achieved some peace in my life. I know if I didn’t stay in fight or flight mode , I would immediately feel intense vulnerability. If some never move out of that dragon slaying stage , I would imagine they often run out of ghosts to throw punches at, so maybe others suffer transferred aggression. Their problem, not ours. Glad you’ve grown and strengthened so much since I started reading. Way to go!

            Liked by 4 people

            • Alex, thanks for the laugh! 😆 You made an interesting point and I’ll add something to this–the dragon slaying stage becomes an addiction. I went though it too–my early posts on this blog were a LOT more angry and even “hating” than my current ones. At the time, the righteous anger served me well and gave me the courage to stay no contact, it validated that choice. But I was able to move on and discard the rage, which no longer served me. Am I angry at what my narc parents and ex did to me? Hell, yes! But I’m at a point where I can begin to feel pity for the way they became due to the abuse they suffered and no longer think of them as these all-powerful demons, just broken people utterly incapable of raising a mentally healthy child or having healthy relationships. That view gives them a whole lot less “power” over me than the “OMG they are soulless machines!” view did. You live in terror if you continue to think that, and that terror causes you to become narcissistic yourself. Once I was able to let go of that, I could begin to look at myself and grieve over what I had lost and begin to try to reclaim it. It’s no longer all about THEM, it’s about ME and recovering. But you can’t reach this stage without seeing those “dragons” as the pathetic broken people they actually are. Of course, you have to STAY no contact–they are still dangerous! I’m actually going to write my next post about this–how we give the narcs more power than they actually deserve and that is exactly what they wanted us to do!

              Liked by 2 people

  6. I am very sorry to hear that there has been no growth in this group of ACONs. I know the people you are talking about. They gleefully shredded my character to bits several years ago when I was most vulnerable, battling a life-threatening depression. Their evil judgments almost put the final nail in my coffin. But thanks be to God, I bounced back stronger than ever.

    I wish I could take the hurt away, Lauren. You are awesome. You are wise, deeply insightful, a brilliant writer, and breathtakingly honest. Your beautiful soul shines through on the pages of your blog. People who have allowed their hearts to turn dark and ugly hate it when they see light and beauty in anyone. That’s why they try to destroy it.

    ((HUG))

    Liked by 4 people

    • Yes, they hate the light. Also, narcissism comes disguised as many forms–even anti-narcissism! LOL! Sometimes I wonder how aware they are of this. It doesn’t matter though. One day maybe they will see the light. Or maybe not. It’s not my problem. All I can do is worry about my own growth.
      I remember what happened to you too, and it was as out of the blue as this new attack on me. I remember it just came out of nowhere, YEARS after the original incident that set it off. Must be pretty horrible to hold a grudge that long and never let go of the hate that has poisoned your soul. But you know what? They NEED that hate. I think it’s very sad, actually. I pray for them.

      Liked by 3 people

      • This is a good reminder to not get stuck in the rage. I know there are stages to narc recovery and there is a stage of being very angry. Years ago on a mental heath support board I was absolutely skewered. That warm loving place began very toxic and it was taken down when the flame wars were so bad that people were hospitalized or threatening suicide. Moderated boards are important and yes, be very careful.

        Liked by 2 people

        • That’s a shame what happened on that support board and I’m sorry you got skewered there by mean spirited people. Sadly, this happens all the time online, no matter what the subject matter. I agree with you that forums should be moderated, but sometimes even the moderator gets caught up in drama, takes sides or act as flying monkeys to a narc, or even are narcissists themselves. So moderation isn’t foolproof.

          This might interest you. For awhile I posted on the NPD board on a mental health forum. Some of the posters were admitted narcs (though most did not have a diagnosis and were probably not actually narcissists). The bizarre thing was that even though this was a forum FOR people with NPD (even though most probably didn’t have it–including myself), the level of civility and respect on the forum was actually very high! I saw no gaslighting, ganging up on anyone, bullying, or abusive behavior. Even stranger, there was no moderator! There was no need for one. I’m not defending narcs here, and like I said these people probably just *thought* they had NPD but did not (this was when I thought I had it). It’s believed (and is probably true) that most people with NPD will never admit they have it, never mind wanting to change. It’s also said that if you *think* you have NPD, then you do not. Maybe these were a few who did though. Who knows?

          If they *did* have NPD, maybe they were on their best behavior because that level of self awareness (and a desire to change–which is why they were there) made them mindful of the way they were treating others so they made an extra effort to be courteous and kind, but it was still interesting that these “narcs” on a NPD board were far nicer to deal with than some of the victims on narc abuse support forums and blogs. Maybe it can be explained this way: if these posters did have NPD, they were not malignant, because malignant N’s are the ones who can’t see their own narcissism or be self aware enough to try to be mindful of it. A malignant narc wouldn’t be caught dead on such a forum. Anyway, I learned a lot there and when I realized I was not NPD, I moved on. It was an interesting experience, that’s for sure.

          For the record, the BPD forum there was a snakepit and had 3 moderators. It needed all of them.

          Liked by 2 people

  7. Your Blog is worthy and should not be allowed to be shuttered. Remember that nobody but you controls the hurt you allow to impact your life. I know this is a tough truth to employ on a day to day basis. Keep up you fight whether it be here or in private. It’s worth it to your growth.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Hey Lauren. That’s awful about what happened to you. I hope that this doesn’t ruin your day. Just keep doing what you’re doing. You don’t deserve any of this. Hugs.

    Liked by 2 people

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