My “crazy” dream.

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wishes

No, not a dream of the sleeping kind, but I have this crazy pipe dream, a strong but probably a little out-there wish.   It isn’t very realistic on several levels, but my life would be complete if I could…help someone heal from NPD.    If I could be a therapist to an NPD patient and help them find their true self within–if it’s still reachable.  To  watch a hardened, manipulative, cold, almost soulless narc reclaim their emotions and vulnerability; to help them be able to love, really love, someone else–not for the supply they can bring, but for themselves.  To help them come to terms with their own  past, to help them discover why narcissism was the only path they believed was available to them.

Going back to school at my age is a daunting and probably not realistic goal, and even if I were to go get an advanced Psychology degree, NPD is one of the most difficult, if not THE most difficult, disorder to heal anyone of.   Even getting one to cooperate with therapy and stay long enough for any progress to be made  is like making a cat love the water.  Even so,  it’s a powerful desire of mine.  I think about it a lot.  Sometimes I even wonder if ultimately this is what God wants me to do.  Yeah, I know.  Crazy.

Other bloggers and some of my readers have taken issue with the fact I care about narcs who want to change themselves.*  I see them as abuse victims too.  I don’t think they are all hopeless.  Narcissism is a spectrum disorder, and those who aren’t very high on the spectrum haven’t completely jettisoned their humanity.

Not everyone agrees.  I have lost followers and gotten hate because I don’t hate narcs.  I hate the things they DO.  Make no mistake, I don’t believe in enabling or having contact with them.   The best way to help a narc (and of course, yourself),  is to withdraw supply, which means making yourself unavailable.

I’ve been called a narc-hugger.  I’ve actually been called evil because of my unconventional views.  I’ve  been mobbed for having these views.   But I don’t care.   I feel strongly about this and I don’t think I’m evil or crazy.  As someone who had BPD and no longer does, I know from personal experience that healing from a Cluster B disorder is not impossible.  It’s  hard, frustrating, scary, excruciating work, and you’re left with residual PTSD that must be worked through (the basis, in my opinion, of all PD’s), but for many, Cluster B doesn’t have to be a life sentence.

If this dream ever came true, if I could help someone heal from NPD, I think it would change me profoundly.   As for the question of why any of us who were narcissistic abuse victims, didn’t turn to narcissism ourselves, all I can say is (much as I dislike this expression because of how condescending it sounds): “There but for the grace of God go I.”  We were the lucky ones.

Here’s an article written today by a friend of mine, a Christian, who is thinking along the same lines as me.   I agree with her post.

Why Hating a Narc Harms Their Victim: https://dreamsofabetterworldblog.wordpress.com/2016/04/17/why-hating-a-narc-harms-their-victim/

* I don’t think a cure is possible for narcissists who have become malignant/sociopathic or for those on the psychopathy spectrum.

Further Reading:

Paper Tigers: Why I Choose Understanding over Rage

 

 

 

23 thoughts on “My “crazy” dream.”

  2. You wrote: “Other bloggers and some of my readers have taken issue with the fact I care about narcs who want to change themselves.* I see them as abuse victims too. I don’t think they are all hopeless. Narcissism is a spectrum disorder, and those who aren’t very high on the spectrum haven’t completely jettisoned their humanity.”

    I completely agree with you. As an abuse survivor I’m too angry at them and to disgusted by them to be of any value in helping them heal but that certainly doesn’t mean that they don’t need and deserve treatment; especially one that may have glimmer of health it would take to know that they are ill.

    We should heal as many as we can to stop them.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you for honoring my blog and for your hard work to come to love and understanding. Ultimately, light does overcome darkness but having the courage to keep the light on in the face of criticism, fear, pain or doubt is how we grow. It doesn’t mean we deny the abuse, minimize it or excuse it, but opening up the crushed heart to let love flow out it, heals that heart. Its a miracle when it happens and proof that God exists. We can say yes to that miracle

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  7. Once I realized that my mother suffered from NPD I could forgive her. She could not help her behavior and that helped a lot as I was no longer the ’cause’ of her behavior. – Lucinda author of Walking over Eggshells. Btw I also married a sociopath!

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    • My story is the same, why do we seem to marry people just like our N parent?
      I can forgive my mother because I know what was done to her as a child. It wasn’t a choice. I feel badly for her but I still don’t have anything to do with her!

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  8. Just for the record: I had a sponsor (12-step sponsor) with (what was called at the time) mpd, and who had npd, She was a dedicated sponsor, and worked the steps to the best of her ability. Without the help of a good therapist, because her last therapist abused her horribly, she did recover. The mpd (or what is now called D.I.D.) was getting better as well, when she had a game-changing stroke. I’ve never met her in person, and if I hadn’t known her for more than three decades I might doubt her honesty and recovery, but I don’t. We can recover from anything if we have the courage and ability to be honest with ourselves.

    I don’t know about curing someone else with npd, but I am honestly awed by what this woman was capable of.

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    • Your sponsor had both NPD and DID? Interesting. Was only one of the alters NPD? I’m sorry she was abused, narcs (especially covert narcs) can be abused too if they’re taken in by a bigger, badder or malignant narc.
      I think you can recover from almot any mental illness too, if the motivation and desire is there, and it sounds like it was for this woman.

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      • Some of her had npd, some of her didn’t, but even though I knew her for a long time, I couldn’t always know which of her selves I was talking to. For myself, I always thought of her as one person so I was sometimes on the side of receiving abusive behavior. When she was able to let herself, I could give her a verbal hug, show her compassion. Something that was very lacking in her life. I think it is hard to have compassion with a person w/npd, but they need it is much as they need ‘tough love.’

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        • That poor woman. She must have been very badly abused not only to have DID (which usually comes because of horrific abuse) but have alters with NPD. The human mind is fascinating isn’t it?

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          • It is fascinating. She and I shared some abusers – as far as we know. We both had a most horrific past. We shared some people who were heroes, too. And we haven’t met f2f in decades. It is an amazing world.

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        • That would make a really interesting topic to write about — DID with one or more alters having NPD — I’d write about it but I don’t know very much about it at all.

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