Lame excuses.

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lameexcuses

Many months ago, I wrote a post saying I was going to join the choir.    I really intended to!  But me being the worst procrastinator in the universe, every week I’d say to myself, “I’ll go next week.”  Each week it seemed I had a different reason for not going.  Weeks turned into months, and now Easter is almost here.

I’ve always wanted to sing in a choir.  Music is very spiritual and I always feel closer to God when I sing in church, but I’d always make excuses for not showing up to choir practice.  Pick any of the following  (I used every one of these at least once):  I’m too tired, I don’t like to be around other people, I’m not a very good singer, I don’t feel like driving, it’s too cold, I haven’t had dinner, I’d rather blog, I have to answer emails, I have a headache, I might have an anxiety attack.

Even I knew these were lame excuses and I just didn’t want to commit myself to anything requiring any effort on my part, even an hour and a half once a week.

But I finally made the commitment and signed the paperwork, so I have no reason anymore not to attend practice.   So  if you see me blogging or commenting here tonight between 6:30 PM and 8 PM, please yell at me.  Tell me to get my derriere over to the church and get the hell off the Internet.

20 thoughts on “Lame excuses.”

  4. Good for you! Yes make most of this day, every day. This is no dress-rehearsal. Live your life making each day count. With as-needed breaks of course, but, you know when they’re needed. I at 50-ish am starting to feel a little bit like I’m running out of time. I would think family scapegoats would feel that way anyway, as I’ve read many feel their lives have been wasted. Whatever the length is left on my life, I just really started living it in the way I want to. I donated something today, I voted, I asked someone if they wanted to go to coffee. Things like that:)

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    • I do feel like I’ve lived a wasted life (I’m learning that isn’t so but it still feels that way). My parents love to talk about what a “loser” I am and how I wasted my life, but I can and will prove them wrong! We don’t have to believe the lies they tell. Unfortunately,we scapegoats internalize these messages that we’re nothing and f**k up everything we touch and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

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      • When I learned the truth I was relieved, but later, I became a little angry about it because I’m pretty certain family views me as the problem when I see me as more of a fall-guy. I think more than anything we want some kind of justice(I know I do).

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  5. O darn it Lucky Otter, your raining on my “not going tonight because I feel to shy” party I’ve been having all day, I signed up online for this thing at a church that I’ve never been too. On the other hand, one time I pushed myself to go to something and had such a panic attack in the lobby they called the ambulance thinking it was a heart attack. I wanted to sneak in quietly too. They had a prayer meeting for me while the ambulance was hauling me off and then I never went back. Okay, looks like I just talked myself into not going tonight again but next week! In fact, could you pray for me because I don’t think I can walk into a group of strangers without some divine help.

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    • Yikes! Having an experience like that, no wonder you’re reluctant! I suffer from panic attacks too, and being up in front of the church is anxiety producing for me. At least I’m not singing solo. I can’t even imagine.
      Oh, I just got back from practice and no panic attacks! But I’m tired. Singing can be exhausting.

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    • I’ve had those kinds of attacks, Katie. People calling 911, the screaming ambulance ride, hooked up to IVs and monitors, questions asked, blood tests, an EKG, poking and prodding. And all the while you are trying to be brave and gracious about the fact that you are probably dying. Then after a couple of hours the ER doc comes into your cubicle one last time with a very put-out look on her face and tells you that there isn’t a darn thing wrong with you, while the nurse standing at the foot of the bed actually rolls her eyes.

      But the fun doesn’t stop there. The people who called the ambulance in the first place and have put your name on a dozen nationwide prayer lists want to know how you are. Your insurance company won’t cover the ambulance or the ER expense because it was “all in your head.” So now your credit goes into the basement while you strain your budget every month trying to pay the whole fiasco off already. And every time another bill comes in the mail you can feel your face turn beet red with embarrassment and anger.

      It would be a lot cheaper and far more therapeutic to go on a cruise.

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      • LOL… this sounds so familiar! And, the ambulance people will hunt you down even if you are in a homeless shelter to pay the bill. They don’t care if you go without food, they will be paid. The little voice I heard in my head about how shameful it was to use medical resources when I was “unworthy” was part of the legacy of being the child of narcs. I’m only now beginning to understand that even if I wasn’t having a heart attack that I don’t have to kick myself for being human. Standing by own self “in sickness and health” for “better or worse” is something I can now permit. I think I used to do a sort of shame penance to try to make me acceptable to a family that wanted me groveling in shame for being a child with a need now and then.
        I agree too, a cruise, a trip to Hawaii, paying for college classes is a lot more helpful than a medical bill in a place where you were humiliated. It looks like we have some medical misadventures in common!

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        • Your experience illustrates why medical care should not be a profit-oriented business and we need single payer health care like other western countries have. But others may not agree and I hesitate about spouting too much of my political opinions here.

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          • I agree with you absolutely about a single payer system. I know you don’t want to get side tracked on political comments but in a way narcissistic abuse happens on the marco level too. The criminalization of homelessness, rat infested schools with peeling paint while the richest corporations avoid any taxes at all using loopholes to do so; Is that not societal narcissism? Until health care reform the insurance industry had no caps on their profit. Their profits were massive while they refused to reimburse or did so at a rate that bankrupted people. One of the leading causes of bankruptcy in the US at one time was medical bills.

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