Solipsism syndrome.

dave the solipsist

A few times throughout my life, usually when overtired/anxious (and once when VERY high), I’ve had this peculiar (and terrifying) feeling of being the only person in the universe (the time I was high and it happened it was even worse–I was disembodied consciousness, a singularity in space/time–I finally came to the conclusion at the time that I must be God and must have created the entire universe and everything in it from my mind–talk about narcissism lol!). It’s a rather frightening experience, if truth be told. If you’ve ever experienced it, you’ll understand the overwhelming feeling of immense and indescribable loneliness, even though your rational mind is telling you it’s an illusion and isn’t true.

I was thinking about this today for some reason so I looked it up on Google. I found out this feeling of nothing else existing except your own consciousness is a fairly common dissociative experience called solipsism syndrome. It’s a form of derealization. I never knew it had a name.

Some Eastern religions are built around the concept of solipsism and many philosophers throughout history have considered it a possibility too. Of course I don’t believe in it but during the few times I’ve experienced it, it does feel very real.

A similar phenomenon is the feeling/belief that everyone else is just yourself in another incarnation and/or is a projection of yourself. Solipsism seems extremely narcissistic, even though it has nothing to do with NPD and is a fairly common experience in both psychotic and dissociative conditions, drug intoxication (especially psychedelics and dissociatives), and PTSD and C-PTSD. It’s also common in astronauts who spend long periods of time living in space.

solipsism+syndrome

I read this story today and wanted to share it.

The Egg
By: Andy Weir

You were on your way home when you died.

It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me.

And that’s when you met me.

“What… what happened?” You asked. “Where am I?”

“You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words.

“There was a… a truck and it was skidding…”

“Yup,” I said.

“I… I died?”

“Yup. But don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,” I said.

You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. “What is this place?” You asked. “Is this the afterlife?”

“More or less,” I said.

“Are you god?” You asked.

“Yup,” I replied. “I’m God.”

“My kids… my wife,” you said.

“What about them?”

“Will they be all right?”

“That’s what I like to see,” I said. “You just died and your main concern is for your family. That’s good stuff right there.”

You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn’t look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty.

“Don’t worry,” I said. “They’ll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. They didn’t have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it’s any consolation, she’ll feel very guilty for feeling relieved.”

“Oh,” you said. “So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?”

“Neither,” I said. “You’ll be reincarnated.”

“Ah,” you said. “So the Hindus were right,”

“All religions are right in their own way,” I said. “Walk with me.”

You followed along as we strode through the void. “Where are we going?”

“Nowhere in particular,” I said. “It’s just nice to walk while we talk.”

“So what’s the point, then?” You asked. “When I get reborn, I’ll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life won’t matter.”

“Not so!” I said. “You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don’t remember them right now.”

I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. “Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It’s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you’ve gained all the experiences it had.

“You’ve been in a human for the last 48 years, so you haven’t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, you’d start remembering everything. But there’s no point to doing that between each life.”

“How many times have I been reincarnated, then?”

“Oh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different lives.” I said. “This time around, you’ll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD.”

“Wait, what?” You stammered. “You’re sending me back in time?”

“Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from.”

“Where you come from?” You said.

“Oh sure,” I explained “I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know you’ll want to know what it’s like there, but honestly you wouldn’t understand.”

“Oh,” you said, a little let down. “But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted with myself at some point.”

“Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you don’t even know it’s happening.”

“So what’s the point of it all?”

“Seriously?” I asked. “Seriously? You’re asking me for the meaning of life? Isn’t that a little stereotypical?”

“Well it’s a reasonable question,” you persisted.

I looked you in the eye. “The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature.”

“You mean mankind? You want us to mature?”

“No, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect.”

“Just me? What about everyone else?”

“There is no one else,” I said. “In this universe, there’s just you and me.”

You stared blankly at me. “But all the people on earth…”

“All you. Different incarnations of you.”

“Wait. I’m everyone!?”

“Now you’re getting it,” I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back.

“I’m every human being who ever lived?”

“Or who will ever live, yes.”

“I’m Abraham Lincoln?”

“And you’re John Wilkes Booth, too,” I added.

“I’m Hitler?” You said, appalled.

“And you’re the millions he killed.”

“I’m Jesus?”

“And you’re everyone who followed him.”

You fell silent.

“Every time you victimized someone,” I said, “you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you’ve done, you’ve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.”

You thought for a long time.

“Why?” You asked me. “Why do all this?”

“Because someday, you will become like me. Because that’s what you are. You’re one of my kind. You’re my child.”

“Whoa,” you said, incredulous. “You mean I’m a god?”

“No. Not yet. You’re a fetus. You’re still growing. Once you’ve lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born.”

“So the whole universe,” you said, “it’s just…”

“An egg.” I answered. “Now it’s time for you to move on to your next life.”

And I sent you on your way.

“A human being is a part of a whole, called by us a ‘universe’ a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest… a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.” (Albert Einstein)

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8 thoughts on “Solipsism syndrome.

  1. Coolness. I think just like the man who wrote The Egg but I never knew anyone else had that idea. Since time and space do not exist in the spirit world, we are all incarnations simultaneously. I love the way god said there is only me and you. That’s so trippy and true. The idea that everything is a dream one is having is something I thought of at 17. But it was just an intellectual construct. I didn’t “experience” it. But when I did ACID (after “receiving the knowledge” from Guru Maharaj Ji) and had sex, I experienced just what you described. I didn’t feel lonely but I felt responsible. After all, everything was me. It was a scary feeling. I thought, so this is what all the gurus seem to be withholding from us and it’s only because we don’t want to take the responsibility of Knowing. All I saw was white light. Slowly, our figures emerged from the light the way figures on a top emerge as the top slows down. But we were ennobled like gods on Mount Olympus. Remember when Harry Potter “died” and he found himself at a train station?

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  2. This is an intriguing hypothesis. I enjoyd reading it . We will never find the meaning of life but can only live in the moment, very frustrating! Thanks Otter.

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  3. For over 40 years i so wanted to believe that at the end of my life, i would not be held accountable – that i would either not exist or become a tree or whatever. But wishin’ don’t make it so. Throughout those four decades, various phrases from a certain book would run off the dream. And i’d go chasing after to reclaim it. Over and over again. But the last time was like a still small voice saying something like, you ignore this call, no further calls. Not running after dreams any more. That warning stopped me in my tracks. That book contains all that matters. Dverything else is going to melt away.

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      • It’s scary, but only during extreme stress. Defense mechanism gone awry?

        I have had extreme demonic harassment. Mostly in my younger years. I narrowed the worst physical attacks down to the years I had this beautiful tapestry of two Egyptian gods on my wall. I so loved that image. Little did I know energies can be carried by antiques.

        Long after I got rid of it I still had occasional issues . I’d lose roomates over blatant events that were inexplicable and supernatural. People don’t like mysteries, even if benign ones, like pennies floating in the air for a few tense seconds.This upset me, even though it was a comfort to know I wasn’t mad. (Or was it? ) Needless to say I dontt buy anything second hand anymore. After a few old mirrors, and statuettes went sour I surrendered to cheap, Walmart decor! Lol.

        I pray a lot now. There certianly is a spiritual warfare going on. I never would have believed how hand to hand it was if I hadnt seen and felt it myself.

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  4. I have never experienced this. I don’t say this to make you feel alone in having this feeling though as it sounds horrific.

    We all have a right to our beliefs but since you spoke on the subject of solipsism, I just wanted to say that if anyone believes in God and that He is The Source than solipsism cannot exist because solipsism clearly is about a oneness that separates as this blog mentioned.

    So if anyone is experiencing or had experienced solipsism, I would seek God for the truth to why this is happening to you? I have Jesus Christ, not the religious fake Jesus, but the gnostic Jesus Christ who is spirit and has nothing to do w flesh. Since I have Him, and what I mean by this is I have consciously chosen to TRUST IN HIM and FOLLOW HIM so when anything and everything happens to me in my life, I seek Him in solitary and I am gifted, led in the spirit that dwells within me “Holy Spirit” to seek and then to find. Find answers that gift Peace Within. Peace can only come from knowledge. Many people seek the world for knowledge but don’t have spirit so can’t discern fact from truth. They end up believing many lies. Solipsism would for me, be an example to man’s end if they continue on without seeking their Source of Divine Light that is WITHIN. If one is born from spirit they return to spirit, but solipsism is absolutely unlike the unity that is felt in spirit and in truth and light.

    Maybe solipsism is part of the matrix mind screwing?! I suggest others looking into flat earth as there is no such thing as space or universe. So my belief in solipsism happening to people is the matrix is messing w you. I call this being messed with “demonic attacks”. Archon’s minions attacking similar to Neo in Matrix being attacked as he was awakening. Problem is, solipsism is not an awakening in the Light, because it did not create Peace, that’s how we who know The Light know this syndrome is truly an attack by darkness. So the question for people is, do you want to know the truth to why this happened to you? Or others? What it means? Or do you fear the truth and so accept what you hear and then move on? To grow in the Light we must seek truth. It never ends. I know this is a blog and I am writing a book, lol, but this is greatly concerning to me for you and others as this to me is like a forewarning to deactivation in matrix. Be warned. Don’t take it lightly. Turn to God and be healed. That’s all. Free will is about trusting in truth and light. I hope people find as this is a disturbing topic I could never imagine experiencing.

    Know this – we don’t have to be what we fear. Fear is the greatest weapon against us. The way through fear is to walk right into fear, proving it lies and by doing this, we are set free, at every level of fear. Keep seeking truth, and that’s how knowledge works to break those chains to fear. Fear like of solipsism for some. God bless!

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