Trolls and lack of motivation.

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I thought I had my lack of motivation all figured out, and thought I’d conquered it, but obviously I haven’t, since I’ve been posting a lot less than I used to and it hasn’t gotten any better. I can’t figure out my lack of motivation, because I love writing and blogging has brought me so much insight into myself and my place in the world, and even moments of joy.

I was all set to write up a new post last night (albeit, not a long one). Whenever I start a new blogging session, I always check my comments first. Lately I don’t seem to be getting as many. I have more viewers and hits overall than ever before, but fewer people are commenting. I’m not sure why. I don’t know if this is something to worry about or not. Maybe it’s silly, but I wonder sometimes if people are put off by my frankness and occasionally unpopular opinions. Obviously, they’re reading, and I do know some people appreciate my frankness, so I guess I shouldn’t worry. I know one of my most frequent commenters (who was actually my #1 commenter for awhile) is busy writing a book right now (and also hasn’t been feeling well) and even Opinionated Man doesn’t seem to be getting as many comments these days, so maybe it’s not just me. Maybe it’s just my stupid narcissism making everything all about me and taking everything personally. Maybe it’s just because I’m posting less, duh.

So anyway, last night I was going to write something about covert narcissism and avoidant personality disorder and whether or not they might actually be the same thing. After all, covert narcissism isn’t recognized as a real disorder but AvPD is. I’ll probably still write that article but I do find lately I’ve been veering away from the topic of narcissism and this blog is becoming more of a general interest blog.

I opened up my laptop, and as is my habit, checked my comment folder before starting to write. And the first comment I saw was a very trollish comment which I won’t bother quoting because of how hateful it was. I sent the comment to Trash anyway. The comment wasn’t merely critical (I’ll still approve those and usually respond to them in some way); it was an attack on my character because of an article I posted MONTHS ago. The writer of the comment objected to what she or he felt was my being too soft on narcissists. Bible verses were used to fuel their rage and personal attack on me.

I hate that. I can take criticism if it’s constructive, but can’t stand judgmental people, and I especially can’t stand people who use religion as an excuse to act like assholes. The Bible is wonderful, but so many people these days use it to back up unacceptable behavior, as if this is their holy mission and right. It’s very narcissistic. Churches are filled with narcissists who used scripture as a way to intimidate those they disagree with, so they don’t have to take any responsibility for their cruel and vicious personal attacks. The Internet is full of them too. I can’t say whether or not this person is a narcissist, but their behavior displayed splitting and black and white thinking, and the “us versus them” mindset so prevalent today. Of course, to this person, I’m one of “them.” What they’re doing has a name: religious abuse.

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I know I shouldn’t have taken the comment personally. I know that as a blogger who focuses on a sensitive issue, angering people sometimes can’t be avoided. People are sometimes going to disagree with you. You are going to have haters and trolls, especially if your blog becomes widely read, as this one has. It comes with the territory. I know many people read this blog and get a lot out of it, and still get far more positive comments than negative ones, so why I am allowing one stupid negative comment to intimidate me enough to make me not want to post? But that’s exactly what happened: I decided not to post anything at all last night because of that stupid comment. I said to myself, “I’m over this. I don’t want to deal with these haters anymore. I don’t think I should even blog about narcissism anymore.” It’s true that I have been focusing less on narcissism because I feel like I’ve pretty much said everything there is to say about it already. But I allowed this one comment to destroy my motivation to write about anything at all!

I have a message for that commenter should they read this: I don’t care what you have to say. You’re a bully and a jerk. This is MY blog, and if you don’t like it, don’t read it! Go read something you agree with instead. It’s my blog, and I can write about whatever I want and you have no right to dictate to me what I can and can’t say. You may have a valid point in your opinion and the right to express it, but you have no right to personally attack me. I’m going to continue to write honestly about what I feel, not to please you. You do not intimidate me and neither do the Bible verses you spout to make it seem like you’re on a personal mission from God when in fact your behavior is itself very narcissistic. But thank you for giving me an idea for a new article.

I love blogging and don’t want to ever stop. I’m not going to let one judgmental malcontent ruin my motivation or put a damper on what I love to do. It took me too long to get to where I am. I’ve allowed myself to be intimidated by people like that for my whole life, and it’s a big part of why I never achieved much of anything and always doubted myself and eventually gave up anything I ever undertook.

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11 thoughts on “Trolls and lack of motivation.

  1. You are so sensitive! Maybe you ARE avoidant. Which cluster is that in? Probably C. How do you have a folder with all your comments? How can I get one? We are so different. I would love to get an off the wall comment. I guess I have an inner troll that loves a good fight. –

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    • Well, I do have an AvPD dx, along with BPD. It’s in the Cluster A category (anxiety PDs). Cluster A also includes Obsessive Compulsive PD (not the same thing as obsessive compulsive disorder, which is a neurosis) and Dependent PD.

      You have a folder for your comments. You have to go to your dashboard (WP Admin) and from there you can click on comments. It’s also in the top right hand corner of your blog when you’re signed into it. It’s the little orange thing with the balloon comic graphic in it. When you click that on, all your comments will appear. That’s basically your comments folder.

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  2. I can’t stand when people criticize with a bible verse as well! To me it’s a red flag an underlined issue of covering up there own crap, I dig your will to keep pressing forward!

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  3. If you turn off commenting to guest users, you will get hate comments but the you get less comments as well. People are less likely to leave a hate comment if they have to sign in to comment.

    People just love hiding behind the screen to hate hateful things and they will usually use different names but the funny thing is I don’t think they realize we can see their IP and email so we know they are the same people. I have called out my troll in my blog also. It’s annoying when people leave hateful comments and use names like “N/A” or “whatever” as their name or any name that isn’t a real username.

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    • I didn’t know there was a way to turn off just guest comments. I don’t want to do that though, since most of the guest comments are legit and some people have come here needing to tell their stories or get support. If I want to though, yes, I can check their IP address and compare it with past troll posts. I can also remove or not approve the comment (I rarely approve those types of comments but I get them from time to time, fortunately not too often). I too have noticed the contrived nature of some of their handles, which make it seem like they set up an email account just for the purposes of trolling this blog. What a waste of time! 🙄 I don’t think some of them realize I can see their IP address (and fake email lol). I just wish there was a way to block these users, the way you can block someone on FB or Twitter. I don’t like having to see those kind of comments at all, even if I can send them to trash.

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