Do you know a “do gooder” who always somehow makes you feel guilty and less saintly than they are? Everyone knows someone who plays the martyr. Do you know a Needy Nancy or Ned who has an endless litany of problems that never seem to go away? Do they get mad at you when you try to help because your help isn’t good enough or is the wrong kind of help? Do you know someone who never apologizes, never admits wrongdoing, and never even says thank you when you offer help? That “victim” may actually be a narcissist. How can you tell the difference? Red flags. Gaslighting. Manipulation. Guilt trips. Projection. Blaming. They are never wrong but you always are, especially if you dare to suggest their problems may be their own fault. You can’t win with one of these characters.
This article describes the covert type of narcissist, who can be much harder to spot because they aren’t arrogant, grandiose and in your face. They’re good at what they do, so it pays to be vigilant.
It’s Narcissist Friday!
N – Get off the road, stupid idiot! That guy drives just like your brother!
You – Why do you say such mean things? It isn’t like you are a perfect driver.
N – What complaint do you have with my driving? You are always criticizing me. I have to be perfect before I can say anything anymore.
Then, when you get home:
N – Well, you can breathe now. I didn’t say anything mean and we got home without an accident. If you still think you can handle such a mean person, you should probably drive tonight when we go out. That way you can feel safe. Maybe I can sit back and criticize your driving.
Ever notice how the narcissist can become the instant victim? I used to have a relative who could say anything, accuse of anything, or criticize anything. But if…
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