When I used to paint.

I don’t do much painting anymore (except painting the walls in my house), but during my 20s and 30s painting–whether on ceramic tiles or canvas–was very relaxing and enjoyable to me. I sold or gave away most of my artwork, but here are two I refuse to part with.

This first painting, which is an interpretation of a National Geographic photo of mountains in the Pacific Northwest, is hanging over my mantel. There’s a dark and rather eerie moodiness to it that everyone always notices but wasn’t present in the original photograph. I didn’t believe them but I remember looking back at the photo I painted this from and realizing how right they were.

I had been married to my ex for two years at this time and I think his subtle abuse was already beginning to take a toll on my state of mind and my soul.


I used to enjoy painting on tiles too. Here’s one I painted in acrylic (before I got a kiln* and started painting with fireable ceramic paint, which are tricky to learn to use because the colors in the jars are not always the colors they’ll be after firing!)


This is actually a depiction of myself and my fiance (the same man who almost destroyed my life for the next 27 years) during the height of his “love bombing.” It was a whirlwind romance, straight out of a storybook or Harlequin romance.

Beware of men (or women) who come on strong with the romance and sweep you off your feet–they are probably predators who have targeted you as prey.

All cynicism aside, I still love this painting and it hangs in my bathroom. We’re shown far away in this idyllic (and idealistic) scene (naked in the pond, naturally!), but I thought the likeness was still pretty accurate.

* I have not had the kiln since 1993. One of my cats at the time, an unfixed male, used it to “mark” and everytime I’d fire it up after that, the smell that permeated the house was unbearable! I couldn’t even sell the thing.

7 thoughts on “When I used to paint.

    • I lost interest in everything for over 20 years. Only in the past year am I starting to pick up my old interests again. Right now it’s been writing; maybe later on (when I can afford some art supplies and some extra space in which to paint) I’ll take that up again too. As a child I wrote little illustrated stories every day after school. But I had a bad experience with that after my dad found them and stole them from me. 😡

      Liked by 2 people

  1. I have lost interest for several years also. I use to write poetry as a teen. I’ve tried to start doing it again. But it either feels real forced, or to depressing. I’ve been having a really hard time connecting with my creative side. Have you had this problem? And how did you resolve it? Any thoughts would be welcomed. Thanks for your advice.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I couldn’t access my creative side for many years. In fact I’d thought I’d lost all my creativity and intelligence too. That’s what abuse can do to you.
      I started to get back in touch with my creative side once my life was narc-free. I started by blogging. I still haven’t really got back into anything else yet though.

      Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.