Me and jokes.

Posted on by

grumpycat_notfunny

Having my kind of disorders (Avoidant, BPD and possible [self-identified] cNPD), I have a hard time coping with jokes made at my own expense. I try to hide my anger/hurt and joke back, but it never goes over very well and people can usually tell I’m offended or hurt anyway. It makes me feel too exposed and vulnerable, and that’s why I prefer solitude than being around people.

I also don’t care for those old fashioned jokes you have to “get.” It’s not that I can’t understand the joke, but that I always feel pressure to “get it” and spend the whole time they’re telling me the joke worrying that I might not get it and they’ll think I’m stupid. 😳 😕

It’s a self fulfilling prophecy too, because I spend so much time stressing over maybe not getting the joke that I wind up *not* getting it! And then feeling stupid when I have to fake-laugh.

Most people always want to tell you those kind of jokes and I stress too much about it.
I much prefer random, goofy, wtf humor you don’t have to “get.” Like Roz Chast cartoons. 8)

21 thoughts on “Me and jokes.”

  1. I hate when I don’t get jokes. And depending on who’s telling it when I don’t get it will depend on whether I ask for an explanation or not.

    I’m on the other side sometimes too. I kind of think toward left field at times and there are those times I crack a joke aaaannnndd….crickets.

    Liked by 2 people

    • OMG… LOL…. the CRICKETS! Me, too!

      Lucky Otter, I also have a hard time with jokes that are supposed to be “funny” but to me, they are nothing but PAINFUL. Coincidentally, I just posted about how my college education was derailed many years ago when my favorite professor told a humorous story about her rebellious teenage daughter. When she finished with the punchline: “…so I told her, ‘Missy, I brought you into the world and I can take you out of it’!” — I burst into tears and blubbered something about how no parent has the right to kill her child just because she gave birth to her. Then, seeing the shocked looks on the faces of the professor and my fellow students, I gathered up my things and fled in humiliation, never to return.

      Yes, I knew at the time that the professor was only kidding. I also knew it was a fairly common “joke” among parents. But even though I knew all of this, back in those days, when my PTSD had not yet been diagnosed, I had no knowledge of “trauma triggers.” So I handled my pain and embarrassment the only way I knew… by running to my apartment, climbing into bed, and hiding from the world. Because, you see, my professor’s careless “joke” were the same words my mother had used when she tried to gas us all to death — that she had the right to kill us, because she had brought us into the world.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I just read your post. Adults don’t realize these “innocent” jokes they tell can be damaging to younger people and children. I probably would have been as upset as you!
        Thanks for posting that.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Linda- I thought of the same sort of idea when I read the post as far as not thinking certain jokes are funny.

        Before I was aware of the fact that I was indeed traumatized, I laughed at jokes I wouldn’t laugh at now. One of those being the type you’re talking about as well as many others in the realm of abuse of all kinds.

        Liked by 2 people

        • Speaking of trauma and abuse not being funny, I still haven’t gone past age 3 on my timeline. How did you do on yours? I’m thinking of trying again today.

          Anyway, not to be a complete wet blanket, my husband and I do manage to put the FUN in dysfunction most days, if only by laughing at our own goofiness. Which two people with PTSD tend to have a lot of. 🙂

          Liked by 2 people

            • Linda- Yes, I still have a sense of humor. But it’s very different now. Goofy…is definitely fun. 🙂
              As for my time line. I have not been doing it. Pretty much my MO. I get scattered, feel disorganized and then I get paralyzed.

              Thing is I have a psych eval I had done with a lot of what happened in my childhood. Not sure what I’m going to even do about this therapist right now. Not having gone through therapy herself may be a deal breaker. I’m still thinking about that.

              Liked by 2 people

            • Yeah, me too. Not so. After she told me that, I googled it. I didn’t find a whole lot but found out again, (after the therapist told me) it is indeed not a requirement.

              I was looking for things that other people did when they got this news. Just out of curiosity. It doesn’t matter though. I’ll make my own decision either way. I didn’t find anything on that but I did find an article by a psychiatrist spouting on about how asking a therapist about whether they have gone through therapy or not is inappropriate. (I’m summing that up and paraphrasing, as he didn’t use those exact words, but that was the idea.

              If I find it I’ll come back and link it. I think a majority of these people are more damaging than helpful. And what a crock. Asking a therapist that question is not inappropriate. In fact he compared it to things like, “Your internist sees and touches your body, but the reverse isn’t true.”

              Seriously? Yeah, but an internist probably has an internist!

              Liked by 1 person

            • I think a patient has the right to know if a therapist has been through therapy themselves. It’s part of their training, after all. So, although for most people it would be an inappropriate question to ask, if you are looking for a therapist, I think it’s important for the patient to have this information. I know i wouldn’t want to deal with a therapist who had not been in therapy themselves and would find that highly suspect.

              Liked by 1 person

            • Exactly. It’s where I’m sitting right now. And it’s not the only issue. I like her. She seems like a good person who is validating and understanding. But the no therapy thing is really bugging me. Not to mention that she has not (until now) worked with adults, nor has she treated for C-PTSD (or trauma in general).

              There’s more to it and I posted about it on my blog.

              Finding a therapist has become the single most frustrating thing of my life. I’m about to give up the search. I think the search as well as the the therapy I am getting is doing more damage than good.

              Liked by 1 person

            • It sounds like you definitely need to find a better therapist with more experience treating people with c-PTSD. It sounds like she could be in over her head and not well versed enough in what trauma victims experience in trying to cope day to day.
              Finding a good therapist is definitely not one of the simpler things in life!
              I just commented on your post.

              Like

            • Sorry for the confusion, that’s from a discussion safirefalcon and I had on her blog, about her therapist wanting her to make a life history/trauma timeline. When I read that in one of her recent posts, I thought that was a great idea and decided to make a trauma timeline history of my own. I haven’t been able to get past age 3 without wanting to scream.

              Liked by 1 person

    • Oh, telling a joke and getting crickets is almost as bad. 😳 But I never remember jokes anyway and since I don’t like being told jokes myself, I don’t usually tell them. I do have a sense of humor, but it’s a goofy, more random one.

      Liked by 2 people

      • I can only remember three jokes, one of which I made up. One could be considered slightly offensive, maybe, but I like it and it always gets a laugh. The one I made up is “politically incorrect,” but my grandchildren liked it, at least they did when they were little. The third joke is just really stupid, not offensive, just plain dumb. It always gets a groan.

        I have no idea why these three jokes are taking up space in my head. 😦

        Wait, I just remembered a fourth joke — but that one is BAD. The only person I ever told it to was my husband. He liked it.

        Liked by 1 person

        • My dad used to tell awful jokes–groaners. He has a photographic memory for such jokes. I can never remember jokes though, so I guess I didn’t inherit that particular talent. He’s also good at languages and I never have been.

          Liked by 1 person

          • Those jokes are a big part of the loving and lovely and happiest memories of my dad that I retain. They may have been part of the way he dealt with painful childhood memories that I know he had, which are bringing tears to my eyes even now. IDK if he laughed at abusive types of jokes but I know that I simply cannot. Anyway, clearly all of us humans don’t have a common sense of humor or bases therefor.

            Liked by 1 person

            • I love my dad very much, in spite of him probably being either a borderline or covert narcissist. If he’s a narc he’s not high on the spectrum. I know he always loved me, but he’s so codependent and always dominated by MN women.

              My dad’s not doing too well these days (advanced Parksinsons). I’m not NC with him but I cannot afford to travel and his wife (who is his fulltime caregiver) doesn’t like me. I think there’s some jealousy there tbh.

              Like

Comments are closed.