I need to set the record straight, for all the good it’s going to do.

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reality_check

Several ACON bloggers over at Blogger are VERY upset with me right now. It all started with the article I posted last week about not bashing all narcissists. I won’t bother to link it here. Most of you who follow this blog have seen the article and have been following the ensuing drama.

Somehow now I’ve become a “narc sympathizer,” but not only that, they say I’m hurting victims of abuse and dismissing their experiences. That is simply not true at all. I feel that the person that initially read the article and posted about it on their blog didn’t read it carefully. Heck, even the title was missing the word “all” which does change the entire context of what I was saying! (she finally made that correction but it’s too late — the damage is done).

I’m so sick and tired of this whole stupid drama and just want to move on from it and forget it ever happened. I am sure others would like that too. Maybe I shouldn’t have posted that article at all, but at the time I saw no reason not to. I had no idea it would be as triggering and upsetting to some as it proved to be. If I knew it would be that triggering, I probably would not have posted it, or at least mulled it over a few days before making a decision to post it. But heck, it’s my blog. Why should I not be allowed to post an opinion on my blog, even if it’s not a popular one????

All because of that article, I’ve read the following things written about me on several other blogs: I’m a narc sympathizer; I’m trying to be “popular,” I’m trying to be cool, I’m a narcissist, I’m flirting with evil, I don’t care about or have empathy for victims of abuse, I am trying to SILENCE abuse victims (?!?), I’m trying to get people to forgive their abusers, I only care about the narcs.

But that’s not all! Now it seems I’m a thief too. Okay, I need to explain how THAT got started. About a month or two ago, I linked to an article written by another ACON blogger–because I liked the article. Yes, it is true that I linked to it on the day it was posted (I understand that was part of the objection). That was probably bad manners but I didn’t know that at the time I linked to it. I stand corrected. I did NOT copy the article here, nor did I take credit for it. I credited the author and I wrote a nice intro. To read the article, you must click on the link and will be taken to that blogger’s page. How is that stealing? If anything, it should have brought the blogger more hits. Why is it such an issue?

Here at WordPress, we reblog each other’s posts all the time. I guess reblogging a Blogger post is bad etiquette. (sorry, I didn’t know!) If that blogger wants me to remove the link to her blog, she can simply ask and I will happily do so. Really, I didn’t think it was hurting anyone and if it were me, I would have been flattered. But no, I’m being accused of STEALING the article, because I can’t think of original ideas of my own (“riding on other people’s coattails” was how someone put it).

Let me set the record straight on THAT too: I have original ideas and plenty of them, but there are some days I’m simply too tired or time-pressed to write an original article so I’ll reblog someone else’s. I ALWAYS give credit. Word Press bloggers don’t mind this; we do it all the time. Other bloggers here have reblogged my articles. They don’t ask for permission first. It’s pretty standard form. Whenever I get reblogged I get a notification (pingback/trackback) if it’s a WP blogger. I guess from now on I must only reblog WP bloggers’ articles because at Blogger, this appears to be bad form.

I just saw a comment from another blogger accusing me of favoritism because I didn’t provide a link to her blog in my blog roll. She said that I probably think I’m “too cool” to provide a link to her blog. No, that’s not it at all. I do not think I’m too cool. I didn’t provide a link to it for the simple reason there are far too many ACON blogs for me to include every last one. It was an oversight, that is all. It was not a personal slight in any way, shape or form. I apologize to this person if she took that as a slight, but I’m sure she doesn’t want me to link to her blog now anyway, since now I’m one of the “narc sympathizers” or even a narcissist myself.

I feel like I’ve been unfairly maligned, demonized, accused, and attacked. Words I never said are being put in my mouth, my original message was twisted into something completely different than what I was actually saying, things are being assumed about me that simply aren’t true, and now there’s a hate campaign against me, at least at Blogspot. People I thought were friends have turned against me and have apparently joined this hate campaign. Maybe they want me to take this blog down. Sorry, but I won’t do that.

I just don’t understand why if some people don’t like a blog or its author, just don’t follow that blog? Why pile on and bully the blogger? Isn’t abuse something we are all trying to get away from? Am I attacking other bloggers here? Have I started a hate campaign against anyone? NO I HAVE NOT.

All this coming from people who are abuse victims themselves, people who KNOW what it’s like to be shunned, ignored, mistreated and bullied. People who are supposed to have empathy. Why the need to scapegoat me and this blog, just because they disagree with something I wrote-and didn’t read the article right in the first place? I’m a victim just like they are, have been through the hell of growing up with narcissist parents and being married to a psychopath. I am not a “friend of narcs.” What I have experienced this past week is very hurtful and very damaging. In fact, I’m afraid it’s setting me back in my recovery. Do they feel any empathy at all for the way all this makes me feel? Do they CARE? I wonder about that.

Sorry, but I’m not taking this blog down. No one is going to silence me. I am so tired of some people making wrong assumptions and putting words in my mouth and attributing ill intentions to me and this blog just because they disagreed with something I wrote a week ago. This ABUSE and GASLIGHTING has gotten way, WAY out of hand and just. will. not. stop.
Do these people care how I feel at all?

I just want to move on and post about other things. I’m so sick of the drama. I’m sick of having to rehash the fallout of that article over and over and over. I am sick of constantly feeling like I’m on the defensive.

This blog was the one place I felt safe. It was the one thing that made me happy in my otherwise unhappy life. Now I don’t feel safe blogging anymore. I have no where else to turn. Somehow I must have the courage to keep pressing on and not let haters terrorize me back into my small joyless life where I have no voice at all.

Please, to those of you who keep pressing this issue, can we please just let it drop now? If you can’t feel compassion for the way your treatment of me is making me feel, can you please just ignore me and not visit this blog anymore? I won’t post on your blogs or say anything else about the matter. I just want this to be OVER already.

ETA: It’s gotten worse.
One of the flying monkeys wrote this to mock this rant.
http://rumblestripq.blogspot.com/2015/05/spring-time-for-hitler-and-germany.html
It was followed by this comment from the author:
“If any litigious individuals want to fuck with me, get familiar with the term summary judgment.”

This is beyond cruel and unusual. I had no idea the hatred was this severe or the individuals involved this malignant.
I also read a comment saying my writing makes no sense. It just doesn’t stop.

127 thoughts on “I need to set the record straight, for all the good it’s going to do.”

  2. Please dont take your blog down. I like your writing and your blog. Its very helpful. I do not think its healthy to hate the Narcissist. Actually, if a victim sees the Narcissist as sick and weak it helps the victim recover, because it makes the Narc appear to be pathetic and un-powerfull.

    Liked by 6 people

    • I certainly will not take it down. I have supporters here at WP. and on Facebook. It’s mainly Blogger that’s the problem. So glad I decided to use WordPress and not Blogger when I started this.
      But it’s all so damn depressing. 😦

      Liked by 4 people

          • I can’t hit the like on your last comment because am mortified that there are 3. Well you know what they say. 2 is company…but 3 is a crowd. If they attack you… I will definitely have to counter attack them.

            Liked by 1 person

            • Yes, 3–there may be more. It feels like damn high school all over again. I’m the odd one out. Well, I’m not on Blogger so not really. It’s like they’re in one school, I’m in another.
              But yes, 3 people piling on one–it sucks. 😦
              These people claim to have empathy but I see none. But that’s right, I’m a narc or a narc-sympathizer, so I guess that means I don’t deserve any empathy from them.

              Liked by 1 person

        • Yep, I’m staying with WP too. I get that same feeling about Blogger. I may read articles there, but I’m done commenting on their blogs or god forbid, reblogging anyone’s articles from there. They don’t seem very welcoming. It’s like a clique over there who act like their sh*t doesn’t stink or something.

          WordPress is much more friendly. I haven’t gotten any flack from anyone here and I’m so grateful for that.

          Liked by 4 people

            • Thank you, I appreciate that, and you have been one of the most supportive here. Everyone here at WP has been so kind and friendly and no one overreacted to my ‘offensive” article.

              Liked by 3 people

            • I do try to post articles that make people think. That means sometimes I post something controversial or unpopular if it’s on my mind, and those unpopular opinions do make people think. I welcome debate and I dont’ expect (or want) everyone to agree with me. But there is a such thing as disagreeing CIVILLY like a mature ADULT and not like an immature bully who just wants to use it as fodder to start a hate smear campaign and scapegoate a fellow ACON. Their behavior, sorry to say, is very NARCISSISTIC.

              Liked by 5 people

            • I don’t think most people know what a civilly mature adult means anymore.

              I know I don’t comment or even post much, but you’re the reason I decided to try this in the first place. And like you, I want to write about things that make people think or see another prospective on life and our world. One day I hope to bring my thoughts together as well as you do. Hang in there.

              Liked by 4 people

            • Thanks, it seems like even as a blogger, I’m sometimes not allowed to have an opinion that isn’t part of the status quo. I just need to soldier on and not give any mind to people who would try to bring me down just because they disagree with something and are too immature or petty or whatever to accept not everyone is always going to agree. What I hate though even more than intolerance to differing viewpoints, is the way my words have been twisted into something I was never saying. That’s gaslighting, simple as that.
              And now being accused of theft, WHEN I CREDITED THE PERSON AND LINKED TO THEIR ARTICLE, and even wrote a nice intro to it! That is NOT stealing!

              Liked by 3 people

  3. Unfortunately I don’t think any of this will stop until you completely ignore it, no matter how those pecking hens bait you into reactionary blogging. Your distress feeds the energy dynamic that keeps the clucking going on and on and on. It’s like gas on a fire. Starve the beast and it will burn out. May take awhile, but you’ve got a great blog here so it s worth it, right?

    We all have narc tendencies, and this scenario is a brilliant case study of victims using the defense mechanisms of their abusers in their own lives. I know I’ve projected, slandered, over dramatized ect . The net produces some intricate dilemmas for some. Say you’ve been abused and scapegoated all your life, for decades maybe. Then a miracle happens. You bravely start a blog and for the first time in your life you get sympathy, empathy, validation. People are finally giving you the feedback and respect you’ve craved your whole life. It’s the only safe place you have sometimes. If most of the interactions you get come from the long stinging posts you make describing in excruciating detail the horrors you’ve endured and all the terrific pain that’s been visited on you by people you were supposed to be loved by, then the idea of forgiveness, or even neutrality towards narcs may strike a cord of dread inside many bloggers. What’s so threatening about a fellow blogger, who you’ll never know, or meet, getting less caustic about narcissists?

    It’s seems somewhere ,some victims conflate their new net validation with the attacking of these disorders. If some start making statements like you have, it could be seen as a direct threat to their whole life view, thier whole support system. If they’re not spasming in pain on their blog for the whole world to see, then how will they get the attension and yes, even pity they so richly deserve???

    Just some meanderings I’ve had trying to figure why grown adults would start acting so shamefully over a simple disagreement about this. How we each handle our recoveries is very personal and individual. Don’t let anyone terrorize you into staying focused on the dark places you obviously are ready to leave behind. I’m not reading a few of the bloggers I’ve read for years because I never knew they were so petty , so immature . Life moves on and I hope you continue to honor your own writing and stay brave.

    Liked by 9 people

  4. Reblogged this on galesmind and commented:
    Good grief if they don’t like your blog they can stop reading it. Don’t they have anything else to write about? You try to be fair if that is wrong then I guess I don’t understand blogging.

    Liked by 4 people

    • I don’t get it either, Gale. If they think I’m a narc, well I can’t be one because narcs love negative attention and I FREAKING HATE IT! I’d rather be ignored. I wonder why they can’t post about other things? Why are they so obsessed with this blog and what I write if they hate it so much?

      Liked by 2 people

            • That’s what I need to do Gale. That’s why I changed the focus of this blog a little, but so far, all I’ve been doing is fending off blows and going on the defensive. I really should just ignore them and they will get bored and move on. My pain probably feeds their desire to bully. That’s usually how that works.

              But it sure doesn’t help any that two of these people I thought were my friends. I feel so betrayed. I wouldn’t care so much if they hadn’t been friends.

              I’ve heard it said that having haters means you’re successful. I have more supporters than haters, but as I’ve said before, I’m the type of person who can walk into a party where everyone is happy to see me, but instead of being glad most people are happy to see me, I focus on the one person scowling at me. It’s not a healthy way to be.
              Somewhere there’s a lesson in all this.

              Liked by 4 people

            • Intelligent people can disagree without being disagreeable. In my experience these kind of attacks come when less intelligent people start to lose an argument. If you want to write about things that are meaningful you will have people disagree with you. If they have something to add fine but there is no excuse for personal attacks. Just keep doing what you do and don’t lower yourself to their level or allow them space in your head.

              Liked by 4 people

            • Some people are very sensitive to criticism due to attachment& personality issues, etc. I’m one of those people whose world gets rocked by that kind of stuff and I know Lucky is too. People have been telling us our whole lives to not be so sensitive. I think what helps us the most is reassurance/validation and tips on how to move forward. I’m speaking for Lucky here but she can agree/disagree as she sees fit. Just my thoughts.😊

              Liked by 2 people

  5. to hell with them all Otter, I started following peep over there because she wrote a heinous post awhile back telling everyone that cancer was a punishment or the persons on fault ( whichever) I blasted her ass to kingdom come and called her everything but a white woman in my reply, ( it was back in Feb) anyway she deleted that reply in a hurry lol , ever since I have kept tabs on the dumbass( sorry I know you like her as a friend , but I find her self centered and opinionated to the point of not listening to differing views) she uses her blog to bully and silence others from what I have read, and god forbid anyone disagrees with her she and her “friends” will try to crucify them, they are a bunch of old hens over there, never happy unless they are bitching about someone , it’s amusing actually lol

    Hang in there, you never said or did anything wrong at all, don’t let a bunch of old hens with no life get to you, keep writing as you do and make no apologies, you have nothing to be sorry for.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Butch, I agree and now I have seen what this woman’s agenda really is, and it isn’t pretty. But I’m not going to smear her name the way she has tried to smear mine. I’m over it. I no longer consider this woman a friend, and she probably never was one. I just wanted her to be because as an abuse survivor and fellow Aspie, I thought we had more in common than we really do. She is a good writer and I’ll probably still read her stuff sometimes, but I realize now she never was a friend. When you are recovering from abuse, it’s all too easy to latch onto the first person you find who has a story similar to your own. But I should have seen the red flags. Now I see them all over the place and can’t believe I missed them. But it explains why I always felt like I was walking on eggshells with her. I always felt afraid to say certain things because I got vibes that she is very judgemental. I was right and should have listened to my instinct.

      Liked by 2 people

    • I agree Butch. She’s deleted several of my posts, or moderated them out. I sobbed myself to sleep every time.lol.

      Talk about persecution complexes.

      Liked by 3 people

      • I have heard several people say this too, Alex. Apparently she will not approve comments she disagrees with. That tells you something right there, that something is just not…right.
        I will always approve comments I don’t agree with, because I want this to be an open discussion and I welcome differing viewpoints, as long as they aren’t abusive and are civil.
        The fact she will not approve viewpoints that don’t agree with her own is another huge red flag. I have heard at least 3 people say this about her blog. I’m sure there are many more.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. 😦

    Wishing I could give you a hug, Hon. It’s a physical pain, isn’t it? Like a knife in the gut, or a hollow-bullet in the heart — or both at the same time. The pain of rejection HURTS. I think it’s the worst pain there is.

    In this post you kept asking if these former “friends” and fellow ACON bloggers who are bashing you in their comments and posts, even CARE about the way you are hurting? Sadly, I think they do care — but in an evil, vicious, vindictive way. I think it makes them feel good, proud, strong and victorious, to know that they are causing you PAIN. Why? Because they need, like Alex so brilliantly explained, to believe that they are RIGHT and you are WRONG. And if you are WRONG, they think that means you need to SUFFER. This is a Holy War to the black and white thinkers.

    Your haters remind me of my judgmental, self-righteous, holier-than-thou, Bible-thumping, malignant narcissist/sociopath mother. When my first husband was BEATING ME, hitting me and kicking me and slamming me against walls and even shoving me once out of a moving car, causing me to miscarry my first pregnancy, my mother came over to our tiny efficiency apartment — on my 17th birthday — to tell me that I needed to act like a good Christian wife or else I would lose my “wonderful” husband.

    I said, “But Mom, he beats me!” And in her ugly piercingly shrill voice, my momster said: “I know he does, he told me so himself, and I told him that I don’t blame him one bit! The Bible says that if you spare the rod you will spoil the child. If you are acting like a spoiled child, you need to be beaten into submission. The Bible says that the man is the head of the house and the wife has to submit to him as unto the Lord!”

    [comment deleted per request].

    Love you~

    Liked by 3 people

    • Wolves in sheeps’ clothing, Alaina. Narcissists can really fool you. That’s why they are so dangerous. The behavior they are showing is extremely narcissistic and they are projecting their own narcissism onto me. I don’t think they are all narcs though– a couple of them seem to be flying monkeys.
      Narcs are the first ones to accuse others and point fingers, but they never take any responsibility for their own bad behaviors. Just because someone hates narcs doesn’t mean they aren’t one. Sadly, most are not aware they have the disorder at all. (I’m not diagnosing anyone because I am not qualified to do that but the red flags couldn’t be more obvious if they were flapping against my face right now).
      Gaslighting…hindering my recovery, making me question myself, question whether I was in fact what they said I was, making me feel self conscious and afraid…it’s all part of the pattern.
      It’s been very educational. I can learn a lot from this experience. I am already learning a lot.

      Liked by 3 people

      • You freaking amaze me, Girl. You are what — about six or seven years younger than me? But you seem so much more grown up than I am! I am really scared now to ever again allow comments on my blog. I have been a big magnet for this kind of online abuse in the past and I don’t ever want to go through that hell again. I am not strong enough to take it.

        By the way, if you’ve emailed me since this thing blew up, I am so sorry but I haven’t seen your emails. I got so depressed over the loss of our sweet Lady-dog back in March that I haven’t read any of my emails in weeks, and now I have hundreds, maybe thousands, of unread emails. I haven’t even read emails that my daughter, aunt, and granddaughter have sent, or the many things that my husband — who is sitting in the same room with me — sends me all the time to read or look at. I am going to have to declare email bankruptcy.

        A few days ago, an author friend of mine from way back sent me an email asking for help because she was feeling suicidal, but I never read it because I haven’t even been logging into my email, that’s how dysfunctional I have been. Luckily she had my phone number and texted me…. whew. So we talked on the phone for a good long time and I got her to go for help and now she is in a much safer place.

        This blogging world can be dangerous sometimes. We are all hurting puppies and we are all at different places on our journey. The very first person to follow my Healing from Crazy blog, committed suicide in December. I was trying so hard to help her, as were a lot of others. Then she got some haters on her case, and…. it all went downhill from there.

        DON’T let them do that to you!!! XOXO

        Liked by 2 people

        • No, I haven’t sent you any emails. I’m not very good about checking mine or replying to them promptly either. I’m so sorry about that follower or yours who committed suicide due to online bullying. How very sad. People think the Internet is safe because the people you meet you don’t know irl and have never seen. So people who haven’t been a target of this form of abuse can’t understand why it can be so damaging. But it can. Read all the newspaper articles about all the teenagers who attempted or committed suicide because of online bullying. It’s real and it’s serious. Yes, it can lead a person to become depressed and even kill themselves. I am not going down that road, don’t worry. But it is very depressing and is hindering my recovery. I feel angry about that. Why should I allow some judgmental blogger and her sycophants to do that to me? I won’t but I can see how that sort of thing can be incredibly harmful. (I wonder if I’m the first victim?)
          I’m glad to hear your author friend texted you and was able to get through. Don’t feel guilty about not checking emails while you were grieving. People in mourning cannot be held responsible for not responding the way they normally would. I hope you are recovering from your loss, Alaina. I know how much Lady meant to you. 😦

          Liked by 2 people

          • I don’t think my online friend committed suicide because of the bullying, she had a lot of painful debillitating health issues, financial problems, and relationship issues, in addition to complex PTSD due to extensive childhood abuse, and all of those things combined had her mired in a horrible depression. But it dertainly didn’t help her frame of mind to be treated so harshly online. Most of her blogger friends were very loving and supportive, but there was one self-appointed 12-step guru who posted a long comment on my friend’s blog full of unsolicited advice, with minute details on how to live her life — things like “set a timer for 10 minutes when you call your mother so you don’t get overwhelmed” — etc etc — then the person with all this wonderful advice blew up when my friend appropriately replied that NO, you don’t get to come here on my blog and tell me how to run my life like I’m a helpless 3 year old and you’re my helicopter mom! That’s when the “helpful wise guru” flipped out and left a bunch of comments on my friend’s blog telling her what an ungrateful B**** she was! Oh, man… it was beyond crazy.

            But…. I even have compassion for that woman. Our trauma issues can make us so ignorant and blind! I know my issues have done that to me a lot over the years! And I never know how stupid I am being in a situation… until it’s too late and I have already made an a** out of myself.

            Liked by 1 person

      • I got kind of freaked out by all of this, on top of some other stuff that’s been going on in my own life lately, and… I set my blog to private again, for my eyes only. And now I feel like a really big wuss. 😦

        Hatefulness sucks. What really sucks is that it makes me want to be hateful back. I hate that. I don’t want to be hated on and I don’t want to hate anybody else, either. [comment deleted by request]

        Liked by 1 person

  8. I am also sending you a big (((((hug))))). As children of pain, we are so used to having pain dealt to us that when we decide to stand up for ourselves and are misunderstood, the disapproval of a stranger, who has their own issues, is painful. Personally, I love your blog. It’s open, honest, and gives so many of us a chance to connect with feelings we feel but may not be willing to speak about. Take heart, kiddo. We’re here for each other. ♥

    Liked by 3 people

  10. That’s shameful. Those people demonising you shouldn’t be reading your stuff if they’re still so readily triggered, and should still be in therapy if they aren’t already. It’s depressing that the only thing they seem to know to disagree with someone is to hurt them right back. I feel sorry for them- they’re not far enough along in their recovery to be able to look at things objectively for an instant. Whilst it’s ok and even healing to feel hurt by the past, it’s never okay to use the past to lash out. Xxx

    Liked by 3 people

  11. Perhaps the only good thing about internet haters and controversy bandwagoners is that they are easily bored and/or distracted, and so hopefully all of this senseless drama and idiocy will blow over soon. People will either cool down and realize their foolishness, or else fuck themselves right off. Keep fighting the good fight!

    Liked by 3 people

  12. I’ll be perfectly honest with everyone on this blog. Very few people are supportive with victims of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. As a matter of fact, I met a few very damaging individuals. One of them named Marguerite who was an Australian was on Sam’s page…who turned out to be a serious Narcissist. She text and wrote me almost 24/7…with an agenda to try to get me to sign up with some kind of a life coach. She never listened to what I said my life’s interests were. Which was music, bands and being in a healthy relationship. She started telling me what I should eat…how I should think… How I should become atheletic and run the marathon. And like any other malignant narcissist… All you have to do is disagree with them and they go nuts. She devalued and discarded me during the holidays, which actually caused a relapse.

    There are very few people on these blogs that reward you for your strengths and understand the addictive, dopamine chemicals that exist in your brain during narcissistic abuse. I myself am very disappointed. I found some guy on Sam’s blog to be very supportive. I found a female poet to be very inspirational. I also found Sam’s wife to be extremely supportive. She is a lovely person.

    You will see in my private message I sent you. I am not happy with some of the negative people on these blogs. They turn the abuse around and victim blame. My real friends in person were awesome!!

    Liked by 4 people

    • Yes, victim blaming is exactly what is happening with certain people, who themselves accuse me of blaming victims. Projection much?

      Sam’s wife is very codependent, but I agree she is a lovely person and inspirational too. I know the female poet you are speaking of (AM?), and I find her inspirational too. I have reblogged a couple of her poems here (she never accused me of stealing but I did “warn” her first lol). She was also there for me when I was having another crisis like this one. I consider her a friend, just as I consider you a friend. You have to be so careful on FB though. There are many who pretend to be something other than what they are. You can tell someone is a narcissist if they tell you how you must think, how you must worship, what you must wear, eat, think and do. It’s outrageous tthat woman would tell you you should be someone you are not. Narcs don’t accept you the way they are, If they want you as supply, they try to turn you into their own image, otherwise you are nothing to them at all.

      Liked by 2 people

      • And the most disturbing part about that woman is that she is in the Lindekin network of cult group. So you are 100% correct. You do not know who is trolling you on Facebook or the entire internet. But I have learned that Con people can create an illusion on social media. Which Sam Vaknin did expose in his analogies about Narcissism and also the man who wrote the Labrynth of the Psychopath exposed it also. They said you do not know who is on the other end of your conversation on social media unless they give you their real name.

        Predators will troll all kinds of self help websites in attempt to find vulnerable individuals/victims to exploit. As for this women Marguerite, she is a real person who as I said lives in Australia who makes money and is connected to these life coaches that take your money and instruct you to live a lifestyle that does not fit your own personal dreams and goals. So what they do is they troll places like Vaknins page, websites or even your blog to search for potential clients. They recruit for others and my guess is that they receive kickbacks for recruiting. These people are very narcissistic to believe they know the formula on how you should live to achieve happiness. I was shocked when I looked at Lindekin and cross checked the network of the people who viewed my page. I really never use Lindekin though.

        Liked by 1 person

        • I really think we need to become a network of watchdogs. I think we need to call out the people and moderators that are obtructive with narcissistic recover and victim blaming. I also think that the empathic way to narcissistic recover is the way to go. I remember the woman Marguerite kept attacking me and correcting me because I was empathic. The truth is that…empathy is a sign of strength and not weakness. It is a part of the brain that is needed to be whole and happy. Anyone who berates another person for recognizing that Narcissists are empty lost souls must be narcissistic. You are not telling the victim to engage with the Narcissist. You are pointing out a narcissists disorder and the sadness of a person who lives a horrific life because he has no ability to feel empathy. You are NOT telling victims to engage. I think the people knocking you happen to lack intelligence.

          Liked by 1 person

            • Yes. And they have the choice to take it or leave it. No one’s holding a gun to their head saying they have to have one molecule of empathy for what made narcissists the way they are or have any wish to see them get better (for those who can).

              Liked by 1 person

          • They are twisting my words. I said a little empathy might be appropriate for SOME narcissists, not for ALL of them, and that empathy in no way means we should enable, tolerate their abuse, or continue to stay in a relationship with one. No contact can be “tough love” not based on hate.

            The whole reason I even brought up that topic at all, wasn’t to say narcs deserve love and acceptance, but that bitterness and hatred IN GENERAL destroy our own souls. Sure, anger has a purpose when we are trying to get away or go No contact, but after that all it does is destroy the person harboring the hatred. I saw it starting to do that to me, and it alarmed me. I don’t want to be a bitter person filled with hate–isn’t that exactly the problem narcs have? Showing compassion, even for a narc, proves that the person with empathy is NOT a narc. It doesn’t mean we have to enable them or put up with them. But somehow my words got twisted into me being a “narc hugger” and “blaming the victims.” All of that is a big fat lie told by people who have nothing but ill will toward me and this blog. And that, my friends, is narcissistic.

            Liked by 1 person

            • Maybe the acon online community will see factions develope as it grows bigger. One dedicated to scorched earth damnation to all the disordered and thier sympathizers , one keeping all the rational rules of self preservation and no contact firmly intact while also welcoming the healing balm of not identifying yourself as always a victim/angry/resentful and making a place for forgiveness and moving on,,,and a third type of those things you read , “how to make a narcissist love me” variety. (Shudder)

              Im actually in the scorched earth category right now , but for the life of me I can’t seem to feel one ounce of outrage or alarm that Otter n others may be in a different place. Go figure.

              Liked by 2 people

            • I was in the scorched earth category for months while I was disconnecting from my narcissists. That’s healthy but it was no longer healthy for me once the danger was past because it was turning me as bitter as they are. (obviously the danger isn’t past, but I still am tired of dwelling on how much I *hate* narcs.)

              It’s certainly not my intention to divide the ACON community, but it is large enough that factions are bound to develop. I’m sure I’m not the first blogger to suggest the “scorched earth” mindset is not working for me anymore so I doubt this blog or that post will have that kind of power anyway.
              I appreciate your being open to the second category, even though you are still in the first. Not all are so tolerant.

              As for the third category, does it exist? I haven’t seen anyone writing about “how to make a narc love me” unless it’s a joke, lol.

              Like

        • I agree with this. You have to be careful with the social media groups especially. Narcs on the prowl–they know those are hunting grounds for easy prey.

          I rarely use LinkedIn either and really only use it to share certain articles. I find as a website, LI is far too business and “networking” oriented and so few of my articles are appropriate to post there.

          Liked by 1 person

        • No, Doug. If you’d read the post and comments you will see I will approve and reply to comments that disagree with me, and sometimes I learn something from them and even have admitted when I’m wrong.

          Have you even read this post or gone to the trouble to research the history behind it? I am objecting to bullies who gaslight and misrepresent me and call me things I am not. That has nothing to do with disagreement.
          Perhaps you are one of their flying monkeys? 😉

          Liked by 1 person

          • You guys don’t seem to get the difference between dating a narc and being raised by one. We didn’t have a choice on the matter you guys do and you choose to stay

            Liked by 1 person

            • If you are Borderline as you say there will be no winning in a war of words with you. You will be like the energizer bunny and keep going and going and going and one day we will look up and it will be winter and you will still be arguing. That’s my way of telling you adios. One of your supporters is certifiably insane. If you can’t guess now you will soon.

              Like

            • No Doug. Many of the blogging victims were raised by Narcissistic parents and them they date or marry partners that are like their parents because they feel comfortable, as if they are at home.

              Liked by 1 person

            • For your information, Doug, I was raised by one AND married to one for 20 years and spent another 7 years with the jerk. You seem to be assuming a lot but are making an ASS our of U and ME (even hear that one? It’s from “The Odd Couple.”)

              Liked by 2 people

    • Lucky doesn’t have a problem with someone who disagrees with her. There is an intelligent to put across a difference of opinion. What Lucky faced was a triangalization of bullies.

      Liked by 2 people

            • Hi, Lucky Otter Lauren. Thank you for liking my comment. Just that tiny affirmation means so much, you know?

              I shouldn’t have come back here and read what Doug-the-pig wrote after his first snarky condescending “Dear” comment. I have managed to avoid reading anything he has written since 2012. But a little while ago, I stupidly gave in to curiosity and came here and read his comment saying that one of your supporters is certifiably insane… and I knew he was talking about me. And even though I know beyond a doubt that he is a drunken, tortured soul who is projecting his own insanity onto me… it still hurt. I probably shouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing by my response that I read what he said and that it hurt. But I really don’t care about his feelings, satisfied or otherwise. I care about my feelings and your feelings, and the feelings of everyone who has been beaten down and verbally abused within an inch of their life.

              Yes, when I was 14 I was diagnosed with schizophrenia and put into a state insane asylum by the abusive parents who had broken my mind in the first place. Not quite two years later a new psychiatrist decided that I was not mentally ill, and he released me. That was almost 50 years ago. I have raised three children, I went to nursing school and was elected class president, I graduated with straight A’s and scored in the top 1% of the nation in the licensing exam — and I have the paperwork to prove all of that. I wrote a novel in 2000. Didn’t sell much, but still. I was on the Oprah Show in June 2000. Still have the video tape to prove that. And no, I wasn’t on there for being insane, on the contrary, Oprah used my story as one of her “inspiration” vignettes.

              In 2003, I took my divorce settlement money and, instead of paying cash for a nice little house that I had already picked out, in desperation I checked myself into a renowned mental health clinic instead. I had lost my health insurance along with my monthly support in the divorce, so I had to pay cash, thousands of it up front, to cover my expenses in the clinic. But I gladly did so, even though I left there almost broke, because I was hurting emotionally so bad that I couldn’t take the pain of being me anymore.

              The reason I was hurting so badly was because, despite all of my accomplishments in life, I had never been able to shake off the old “mental illness” stigma from when I was put in the insane asylum at the age of 14. My life was turned around in that clinic in 2003. After all their psychological and physical tests, the head doctor of that clinic, Paul Meier, MD, who has himself been on Oprah’s show and who has written, or co-authored, over 80 books, many of which are best sellers — that wonderful doctor looked me straight in the eyes and said: “You are NOT mentally ill. In fact, with your trauma history, you are one of the strongest and sanest people I have ever met in my over 30 years of practicing medicine. You DO have PTSD. However, having PTSD is a normal response to overwhelming trauma — just as it is normal to bleed if you are stabbed.”

              So, Lauren, I have been certified SANE — by more than one expert psychiatrist over the years. I know that I am not crazy. I also know fromt the things that Doug aka rumblestrip Q writes, that HE is the one with a really serious mental illness. And yet…. even though I know these things… when I read his comment a little while ago about one of your supporters being “certifiably insane” — I wanted to crawl into a hole in the ground. Because, after years of being verbally abused by my parents and my ex, with those very words: “YOU ARE CRAZY” — nothing hurts me like that does. It’s a trigger. A very big trigger.

              I logged back on here thinking that I would take my blog down again and delete my wordpress avatar and never read and never write another blog post. And then I saw that you had “liked” my comment, and I thought…. no. NO. I will not let EVIL win.

              Liked by 3 people

            • I’m glad I liked it. It’s funny because I was at work and only had my phone but in between jobs I try to check my comments and like them to at least let people know I saw them, even if I can’t comment right away (I hate typing on a smartphone!) It’s fortuitious I did that today because sometimes when we get real busy I don’t have time to even check my blog for comments until I get home. It would have been horrble if you went ahead and deleted everything. 😦 You deserve to be here and you are definitely sane in my book! You have more insight than most people and are anything but a narcissist or crazy. I’m sorry Q and crew are giving you such a hard time, but at least you have company this time. I will email you more later, I want to be careful what I say here. I know you understand. But I’m glad you decided to stick around and not delete everything.

              Liked by 1 person

            • Thank you. I am hurting. Really bad. And telling myself how STUPID I am to be hurting over that little nut-case. It is an old deep wound, a huge trigger. I am still really close to deleting my wordpress account and never going near a blog again. I don’t want to give the haters that satisfaction… but more than that, I want to stop hurting. I am so emotionally fragile it is embarrassing.

              I don’t know how you have been able to stand reading all the haters’ evil posts and comments these past several days. Lucky! Just ONE meant LIE from the pig directed at me and I want to fold. I guess part of why it hurts so bad is because he used to be my friend! And the only reason he turned on me was because I stupidly tried to be “helpful” in leaving a comment on one of his long-time ACON blogger’s posts — a younger married woman that he clearly had a big crush on — all I did was suggest in my stupid anonymous comment that maybe she was being a little too harsh in her N-labeling and judgmental bashing of a particular person that she kept going on and on and on about. It seemed to me that her complaints were ridiculously petty, and the person she was bashing kept telling her how sorry she was…. I was honestly trying to be helpful to all the parties invovled when I left the anonymous comment that started Q and his minions going after me like a pack of demonic howling wolves, I was NOT trying to be mean! But YES, I was very wrong to leave that comment annonymously… plus it was really none of my business to stick my noes into another blogger’s business. The minute that I saw how upset she was, because she apparently thought my comment was left by one of her mother’s flying monkeys, or maybe by her mother herself, I immediately owned up to the fact that I had left that “well-meaning” but critical comment. So then I was tarred and feathered, I was a Narc, I was evil, and of course I was “certifiably insane.” Argh. I will never ever ever read another word written by “Doug” or the Q-piggy again!

              Liked by 2 people

            • I will email you later, I prefer not to reply to this here. But you are normal to be upset about this. It’s very toxic behavior. I don’t think there is anything wrong with you. The behavior that crew is showing is unconscionable. That’s all I can say here.

              Liked by 1 person

  14. I am sorry these events have occurred, including the massive over-sharing that you do in a public space and the concomitant fallout.

    What did you expect to happen when you share details, usually kept private, and controversial opinions with unknown, unreliable, already-wounded members of the public?

    You run the risk, obviously, of getting untold numbers of reactions, many negative, if anyone reads your posts at all.

    So, congratulations: you have a lot of readers. Now, you can choose what to “feed” them.

    If you really feel compelled to journal publicly, you would do well to develop a thicker skin.

    My unsolicited advice: Stop oversharing/being controversial OR stop caring what others think. Those are your choices.

    BTW: I didn’t read the original post or anyone’s reactions, I have no idea what ACON is, and I don’t care.

    Best to you,

    Sally

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sally, thank you for sharing your thoughts, they have been duly noted.
      It’s true I do a lot of sharing of extremely personal matters since I use this blog as self-therapy, eg journaling (since I cannot afford a professional therapist) and it’s helped me immensely.

      You are so correct I need to grow a thicker skin and accept the fact that if I blog about controversial opinions publicly, I am going to have haters. OM (Opinionated Man) has been a huge inspiration. His blog is one of the most popular personal blogs on the web, and he says himself he has many haters. But he has a tough skin and doesn’t let his haters and detractors get him down, he just keep soldiering along and doesn’t allow them to intimidate him or dwell on their negativity.

      Being fairly new to blogging, and a person who is “over sensitive,” it’s hard for me when I realize someone has ill will toward me or this blog. It hits me right where it hurts the most, since the stuff here is so personal. Since I have no desire to hold back certain things on this blog and believe being completly honest has been healing for me and has helped many others, I am not going to change that. Which means, as you pointed out, I need to learn to not let haters get me down.
      In fact, this has given me an idea for my next post. Thanks.

      Liked by 2 people

      • I hope you don’t stop over sharing. 🙂 wonder if there’s any spray on skin thickener sold on eBay?? Hmmmmm.

        Liked by 1 person

        • I agree with Alex, please don’t stop over sharing. Your over sharing has helped me so much.

          You can get Armor All Protectant Spray in a big 28 oz bottle on Amazon for $9.99. Spraying on your skin thickener may be a little messy, though. They also have a two-pack of Armor All Protectant Wipes for $6.88. However, there are only 25 sheets per container. With all the over sharing you do, it might not be enough.

          HEY I know… maybe you could do a GoFundMe to pay for your skin thickener so you can continue to post the way you want to post on your own blog? Just a thought. ;-D

          Liked by 1 person

            • Well, if you do find a can of Armor All, you probably shouldn’t put it on your skin. It’s an actual product made to protect the finish on your car. 😉

              I just read a good post that Butch reblogged, about how Mother’s Day is painful for a lot of us, for a lot of reasons. The author, John Pavlovitz, stated that if we are hurting, we need to allow ourselves to feel our hurt, because we have the right to our feelings. (Sorry I am paraphrasing. You can read what he said here: http://johnpavlovitz.com/2015/05/09/for-those-who-hurt-on-mothers-day/)

              I was shamed so much growing up just for having my emotions, so it always feels good to be reminded that I have the right to feel them. How many times in my life have abusers HURT me, then either questioned my perception of reality: “….you say you are being bullied….” OR they accuse me of being “thin-skinned.” Talk about twisting the knife, when someone wounds you with judgmental, patronizing, condescending words — and then tries to make you feel like a schmuck for being in PAIN!!

              I tried really hard to toughen up, to look good in the eyes of my abusers and judges. But then I figured out that I would far rather be thin-skinned than hard-hearted. Yes, I would rather be hurt, than hurt others. You see, I, too, have been guilty of lashing out and hurting someone who I thought deserved it. I have been patronizing, condescending, and a know it all. (Hello, don’t you know how high my IQ score is? Uh, before I had a mini stroke and a really bad concussion and drank heavily for a couple of years….)

              Yes, sorry to say, I have been guilty of behaving like a jerk, more than once in my life. Only I discovered that I really didn’t like how that felt. Because of the fact that I am “too sensitive,” I feel the hurt when I hurt someone else. So… now I try not to do that. I use my tender feelings to share empathy and compassion, instead.

              Like

  15. This is what makes your blog so wonderful… you understand what forgiveness truly means. Those haters are so deep in their pain and hate that they see no other recourse than to keep perpetrating more hate… it is a cancer eating them alive and they don’t even recognize the symptoms of their own demise. Please please please, Otter, do not stop posting! And please keep writing the difficult, hard to swallow articles. The adage, “sometimes truth hurts” applies so well here. You and I discussed your article when you posted it. I even reblogged it because it deserved to be read by others. Only one who has lived with a Narc or psychopath can fully understand that forgiveness is for YOU, to settle your soul, to give you back control. It is NOT for the Narc… they wouldn’t accept it even if you tried to give it to them. I rarely visits blogs over at Blogger… so I don’t really know their etiquette, but what you did about posting an intro and then the link to the blog IS proper webetiquette. It is in no way stealing. They are just looking to keep the flames against you burning. Snuff it out by giving them no more recognition. Even if it means cutting ties to the whole ACON community there. You don’t need them. Many blessings to you, Otter… you are definitely on the road to full recovery!

    Liked by 2 people

  16. Don’t worry about this BS, your blog is original, clever, and great and you should keep writing.

    The responses you’re getting indicate that primitive splitting is going on in the people who are criticizing you. That is, they use splitting to view themselves as all good and their narcissists as all bad. They are upset that you suggested a more mature, balanced view – the view that not all narcissists are 100% evil and not all narcissists should be attacked all the time, which is realistic. They are disturbed by this ambivalent, balanced, more mature view of yours. Rather than try to engage with it in any healthy way, or to update their view of the world to be more realistic, they attack you and thereby maintain their skewed view of all narcissists as evil irredeemable. Just laugh at them, they are like little children emotionally.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thank you. I was looking forward to finding out what you would think of this whole ridiculous kerfuffle. There’s a world of wisdom in this comment. Yes, it is a type of splitting they are doing–black or white thinking, very narcissistic in itself.

      You do not always agree with me, and we have had debates. But because you present your arguments in a mature, civil and intelligent way, I have no problems with you when we disagree.
      There’s a world of difference between the disagreements we have had, which are more like educated debates, than the childish bullying these folks are engaging in.
      I feel sad that these people are so trapped in their hate that they will probably never be able to move onto a place of balance and healing. Even worse, they turn against and use their bitterness and hate to attack someone who is on the same team they are! They cannot tolerate disagreement because to do so would make them face the truth about themselves and that’s something they will never be able to allow as long as they hold that ALL people with NPD are demons and monsters. Because to do so, they would have to face the fact they could well be narcissists themselves. Narcissists hate the truth.

      Liked by 1 person

  17. One of the flying monkeys at Blogger wrote this to mock this article.
    http://rumblestripq.blogspot.com/2015/05/spring-time-for-hitler-and-germany.html
    It was followed by this comment from the author:
    “If any litigious individuals want to fuck with me, get familiar with the term summary judgment.”

    This is beyond cruel and unusual if you ask me. I had no idea the hatred was this severe.
    I also read a comment saying my writing makes no sense. It just doesn’t stop.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Reblogged this on HarsH ReaLiTy and commented:
    Ignore the hate and the trolls in this case. They are on a different blog site and I am honestly surprised that many “grouped together” on blogger. I visited the link and the blogger took down the post. I’d chalk that up as a win and move on Otter. Feel free if they return to tell them I hate everything they love and see how that goes. 🙂 -OM
    Note: Comments disabled here, please visit their blog.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks for the reblog , OM, I appreciate it as always. Yes, he took the article down but is continuing to bash me (without mentioning my blog specifically though) . I really need to just ignore them from now on. I get so much support here I shouldn’t worry about a group of 5 or 6 malcontents on blogger.
      Besides that, I make money the more hits I get, even from my detractors. 😉
      I’ll tell them you hate everything they love, lol! Thanks again!

      Liked by 1 person

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