Just a little update about my annoying, narcissistic roommate. It’s getting very difficult for me to hide my increasing annoyance with her. I don’t want to be unkind because she acts so needy but she invades boundaries and whines constantly about her multitude of problems, most of which she’s brought on herself. Of course, all of these problems are someone else’s fault, never hers.
I thought I used to be bad as far as worrying about people hating me, but I was never THAT bad! As an adult, I always try to respect others’ boundaries and don’t like to force myself on other people if I sense they don’t want to be bothered, even if their lack of attention worries me or makes me feel paranoid. If I really care about their friendship, I’ll approach them and ASK if I can talk to them before asking them if anything is wrong.
It was different when I was a bullied, openly emotional child. I was sooooo sensitive–I used to constantly ask if people were mad at me. I don’t ask people that anymore because it sounds really immature, and most of the time, I realize I don’t even CARE if that person likes me or not, unless I’m seeking their friendship. I usually prefer to be alone most of the time anyway.
My roommate acts like I did when I was a kid. Almost every day, she comes in my room (usually without knocking–I’ve literally had to push her out the door if I was getting dressed or undressed) and asks if I am mad at her. Of course I tell her no. But her paranoia is becoming a self fulfilling prophecy.
She ran up my electric bill for February to almost $300. That’s an outrageous amount–like the kind of bills I had when I was living with the parasitic “homicidal” narc sperm donor. I know it was her using all the heat, because her room was always hot as an oven in January and February, and both my daughter and I don’t leave the heat running all day, even when it’s freezing cold. If I’m not home, I actually turn the register off (we don’t have central heating–it’s a very old house). My daughter uses a space heater and it’s only on if she’s home.
I approached the roommate and showed her the bill. At first she agreed to pay part of it in addition to her rent, and I thought everything was settled. But then about 5 minutes later she stormed into my room announcing she’d changed her mind. In a snotty tone of voice, she said she shouldn’t have to pay anything because my daughter was using the heat too. I replied sarcastically that was fine, and I hoped she’d like not having power next month since I can’t pay such a huge bill without her help–and why should I? Because my daughter is between jobs right now, she has no income to help, but it wasn’t her using all the heat anyway. Finally I suggested to my roommate she pay a lesser amount than the one I’d first proposed.
She was upset by this and started in on me not liking her again. I told her I liked her (a lie) but was getting annoyed with her self centered, entitled attitude. I even said I thought she was narcissistic.
Immediately, she deflected the attention off of herself onto my daughter, who had nothing to do with the situation. She said my daughter was the one with the bad attitude. I returned to the original point and told her she was failing to take any responsibility. Of course she denied this and started talking about how she cleaned the house for me for free and that I should be paying her for this service (even though I never asked her to clean the house). She feels like she is OWED free electricity. Of course the high bill is not HER fault.
I don’t like her attitude toward my daughter at all. Something really weird happened a couple days ago (I know my daughter wouldn’t lie about this or have any reason to). The roommate walked out into the living room where my daughter was sitting with her friend, naked from the waist up. She asked my daughter if she thought she was attractive (she isn’t–and she’s 53 years old exposing herself to a 21 year old?). My daughter told her straight out she didn’t think that was an appropriate question and she and her friend left the room. I thought she handled it maturely.
So after this happened the roommate came to me complaining that my daughter hates her.
I think she is jealous of my daughter, who is young and very attractive, and always finds ways to take little digs at her body, her personality, her attitude, her friends, whatever. Or she may be envious of the close relationship we have with each other, because her own daughter won’t speak to her.
Occasionally though she gets in these weird maudlin moods and start crying and tells my daughter she loves her because she reminds her of her OWN daughter, who doesn’t speak to her (I wonder why!)
Speaking of mood changes, I’ve noticed that about some narcs. Their mood changes are unsettling and disturbing. Sometimes they act like they have a dissociative identity disorder with all their rapid personality (mask) changes. My mother used to do this a lot. She’d act sweet as pie and the next moment, for no discernable reason, start screaming at me or slap me. She did the same thing to my father (except she didn’t slap him–she pushed him down the stairs once though and he broke his arm). These sudden mask changes used to really scare me because I didn’t see them coming. It’s like some narcs hear voices in their heads or are seeing things that aren’t there. They really do seem to be out of touch with reality. It’s creepy as hell.
Sometimes my roommate also gets this weird LOOK out of nowhere–like her eyes are boring into my soul and she’ll get this bizarre SMIRK on her face. It reminds me of my mother, and many other narcs I’ve known. I also noticed when she gets this LOOK her eyes turn flat and black.
She sold her car for $150 and whines nonstop about having to sell it because she didn’t have the money to fix it even though she goes nowhere and her disability is more than I earn. I just want to box this woman’s ears and tell her to shut the hell up. I get tired of hearing her grating voice constantly droning on about how terrible her life is.
So now she’s talking about moving back to Florida, even though she says no one in her family there talks to her. I hope she does, because I don’t know how much more of this I can stand. Since she’s paying rent, I won’t kick her out without notice, but I think I’m going to give her until May 1 to leave. That will give me time to find someone else. Next time I won’t use Craigslist.
Narcs don’t scare me anymore, even though their behavior can be unsettling and creepy. I know I’m stronger than they are and they know it. My education over these past six months has given me the tools I need to handle their evil games. I can smell a narc a mile away.
I’m not afraid of this woman because she’s not very intelligent and although she tries to play all the narc games like gaslighting and triangulating, it doesn’t work because she has no charm whatsoever and is just too stupid to effectively recruit flying monkeys or not fall on her face looking like a buffoon. I think the most effective narcissists tend to be intelligent. Those are the dangerous ones.
My roommate isn’t particularly dangerous or malignant due to her lack of intelligence, but is extremely annoying and like Chinese water torture, the constant barrage of tiny annoyances build up over time. Her constant snide remarks, complaints, weird looks, and boundary violations are wearing me down and bringing out ugly parts of my personality I’d rather avoid. I think under normal circumstances I’m pleasant to be around (if not always very forthcoming); I’m not a bitch. My roommate’s irritating behavior is turning me into one. I noticed I’m getting snappish and impatient with her. I can’t help it. I don’t like that side of myself at all. I don’t take pride in being a bitch but in her case, it’s getting so hard to be nice. The moral of this story is that even an unintelligent narcissist can bring out your evil side.
I can deal with one more month, but that’s all. That gives her plenty of time to find another place. I haven’t told her yet. I know she’ll fly into a rage and I’m not looking forward to that, but I just can’t stand her personality and can’t live with someone like that anymore. She’s bad for my health.
Good for your daughter establishing boundaries.
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It’s really amazing how much she’s matured since her jail experience in November and her short lived relationship with a psychopath from October – December. She learned a lot.
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I was wondering how things were going with your roommate situation. I guess you answered that one!
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I saw that and it scared me to death. 😮 Good movie.
I love that meme too. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory was much better than the remake with Johnny Depp IMO. (even though Depp is awesome).
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Yes, I agree the original was better than the 2 nd. The first one, the color, it was brighter and colorful? 2 nd one, it was like darker mostly gray colors? Not as colorful?
Oh yeah! Depp! He’s gorgeous!
I read your post again and it still gives me the heebie jeebies reading about your roommate.
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I completely agree with you about the first movie.
And yes, roomie is very creepy.
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I hope she moves out for your sake soon and you can get someone else in, who is more quiet. Waltzing around half naked is weird. She should pay more of that electric bill and help you out. I hated living with roommates, and I had my years in boarding houses. It can be such misery. Some of mine never left me alone either, and nagged me about cleaning and everything else.
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I am demanding she pay more on both the water and the electric bill this month. I’m in over my head even with her contribution to the rent.
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It was definitely weird the way she waltzed into the living room half naked with my daughter and her friend in there and then asked them if she was attractive. Ugh.
Definitely a somatic narcissist. She sure ain’t a cerebral one because she’s so damn stupid.
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Oh yeah! Just too weird! I am rather concerned for your daughter. Geez. Nasty!
I see the words, somatic narcissist, cerebral.
No idea what that is. Just happy to know that you know it’s not cerebral because she’s stupid. I sure as hell wouldn’t know! Is cerebral bad?
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I think she is moving out again (my daughter that is). She is getting fed up too.
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Oh, I am sorry to hear that. How do you feel about her moving out? Will you be okay?
Where the heck did you meet your roommate anyway?
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Oh, yes. She was only living here temporarily anyway. I’m not sure when it’s going to happen.
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Well all right but then you’ll be all alooone with your roommate! Sleep in your room with the door locked! Ahem? She won’t be reading all this will she?
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LOLOLOL! And no.
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I think you need to find a new roommate and move this one out. Then disable the thermostat in that room so this doesn’t happen again. Good luck.
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It’s getting hot now so I doubt she’s running the heat. No air conditioning (my room has the only air conditioner), only fans.
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OH! Your room has the only ac! Bet cha she’ll be a moving in your room!
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No. effing. way.
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My bills this month are terrible. My power bill is $289.53 and my water bill is $178. The high water bill is due to the pipes bursting during the deep freeze in Feb. and leaking for 2 weeks before my lazy ass landlord had someone come fix them. Oh, and there was no available water during that time.
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Shit you need a roommate you can count on start inteviewing.
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I can count on her, she’s just extremely, incredibly, unbearably annoying.
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Then just smile and tell her I am sorry but I really have work to do when she bugs you. Nobody is perfect I guess and being a roommate can be really tough.
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God, I wish I was financially stable enough to not have to deal with any roommates at all. Money and me seem to repel each other like negative-positive magnetic charges. I’m sick to death of being poor and never having money after I pay all my bills. It really sucks.
Maybe someday I’ll actually write a book (I really want to) or get married again (I’m scared to death of dating again though, and that would sort of be a requirement). I also feel like I still need to work more on myself before getting involved with someone.
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It’s a shame that one person can’t live alone because it’s too expensive. Not right.
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Agreed.
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Maybe that is the source of some of your irritation with your roommate.
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That is a possibility.
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What? No water? I so won’t be liking that!
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I lost it for 2 weeks in Feb. when our pipes froze and then burst when they started to thaw.
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2 WEEKS! Isn’t it illegal or something? Geez! No nothing? God!
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Almost 2 weeks, yup. I’m not sure of the legality if it’s a private house. It probably isn’t really legal but I’m not sure.
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Bloody hell! People like that get away with it. Yeah, I think it’s illegal. What kind of house is it?
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a duplex
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