Replying to my haters.

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love_my_haters

Not everyone likes this blog. I have a few haters. The following are not really troll comments (which I delete immediately or don’t approve) but criticisms of me and this blog. (A few do come close though).

It’s okay to have haters. All bloggers have them. All writers have them. I don’t expect everyone to agree with or understand my motives for having a blog like this. Having haters just means something you said pressed somebody’s buttons. It’s inevitable, especially when blogging about a controversial subject like narcissism instead of posting brownie recipes.

I decided rather than try to reply as these comments come along (which can disrupt the flow of a conversation), I would put them here in this one post. (I’ve been saving them to Wordpad). Obviously this blog isn’t for everyone. I am not identifying the handles of these commenters.

Fortunately, I have not received many of these type of comments. These are in fact the only ones I have received outside of 3-4 troll comments which I will not respond to at all because feeding the trolls is always a bad idea.

1. obviously this post is made to sympathize with you which of course I do and it may seem “callous” but you wrote this article to gain sympathy this article isn’t informative to anyone, what purpose does it have , im seventeen years old and I’ve had a turbulent life growing up to say the least , but come on woman your just giving your husband or ex the satisfaction ,he wanted you to crumble , he wanted you to feel empty , helpless , its the past , you also mentioned that you noticed several times that what he was doing was morally wrong but does that justify your actions stop making up excuses and take some responsibility ,why did you stay with him because the way you explain him makes him seem like he had nothing to offer .Also diagnosing everyone with a mental disorder I’ve noticed is quite common among America as a norm like “what a pyscho” I do not doubt that your husband was not a psychopath but labeling everyone a narcissist without actually being a psychologist is ridiculous , did you ever ask Helen why her son didn’t like her because he could have made up so many fabrications . There’s not much you can do but move on and try to improve yourself , writing articles like this just allows you to dwell in sadness and feel sorry for yourself . this article just sounds very narcissistic , honestly no matter how bad it was how could you leave your son or both children with someone who mentally fucked you up , I feel as though this post was immature and it makes me sound like a total bitch but you chose to stay with him you chose to have another child with him you chose to go out with someone who previously had alcoholism , im not blaming you for his behavior im just stating what everyone else ceases to notice , don’t reply with something about my age and how I would have no idea because that argument is invalid because I did not actively post my story over the internet , I bid you farewell and wish you the best in your future endeavors

You are seventeen and obviously too young to understand what I am trying to do here. I am not an expert or a mental health professional, and I never pretended to be. My disclaimer in the header explains all that. It’s not that I don’t “take responsibility.” I’ve been hearing that shit all my life by my abusers (my mother and ex, but others too) and have been badly damaged emotionally. I take responsibility where it is necessary to do so.

I blog about my experiences not to get yours or anyone’s pity (I hate being pitied) but as a form of self therapy. It helps me. It helps others too. Think of it as a public journal. I am not “wallowing in sadness” at all. Writing this blog in fact makes me happy. Being that I cannot afford therapy, writing this blog has helped me sort out all the things that happened to me and has made it so much easier to deal with all the toxic emotions we victims of narcissists had to deal with all our lives. There are plenty of other blogs like this one. I realize that a blog like this can seem narcissistic. I get that and I get why. But before you judge, why don’t you try to put yourself in someone else’s shoes instead of making snap judgments about things you obviously know nothing about.

2. This post seems like the pot calling the kettle black. Anyone who would write about such personal matters on a public website and then invite people to “comment” and “Like” your personal dirty laundry seems like a narcissist to me. I think all bloggers are narcissists but especially bloggers who air their dirty laundry all over the Internet.

I “air my dirty laundry all over the Internet” as a form of self therapy, not because I want attention and sympathy. It’s helped other people too. If you don’t like what you read here, you are certainly free to go somewhere else. As for the comments, I have that option because allowing comments builds a community. Sometimes that’s the only way we can talk to others who have gone through similar experiences. The option to “like” does not have to be checked. Most bloggers use a “like” feature. Sorry, there is no “dislike” function.

3. I don’t like the way you and all the other idiots with these sort of blogs make fun of people with NPD which is a real mental illness. You say you have empathy but then in the next breath you are calling people with NPD “Narcs” and N’s and other horrible names like devils or posessed by satan. I don’t have NPD but they arent devils they are human like everyone else. They deserve the same respect like everyone else. Not everyone is all bad, you know.

I have had this complaint a few times. I do not hate narcissists and “narc” is really just a shortcut term we ACONs use–maybe it has become a pejorative over time, but that’s not the reason I use it. I rarely use “N.” I have said many times that narcissists are not devils or monsters but they have a disorder which makes it impossible for them to feel empathy for others or even act like very nice people. Some of us were raised by narcissists or were married or in long term relationships with them, and it’s definitely no picnic.

Like you said, most narcissists probably have some good qualities. They might have a special talent or dress well or are good cooks, and some non-malignant narcissists can even sometimes be genuinely nice. But only sometimes. Malignant narcissists and psychopaths are something different and I do think those people are actually evil, even though they still may have a good quality or two. Hey, even Hitler loved dogs.

If you are offended by my joke page, its purpose is not really to make fun of people with NPD, but to make them seem less dangerous to people enmeshed or trying to escape a relationship with one. The jokes help make them seem less frightening. Sometimes it helps us to laugh.

4. What the hell is it with you and that idiot Sam Vankin? Why do you post so much of his shit and talk about him so much? That convicted criminal is a charlatan and faked his degree, Everyone knows that. You seem intelligent, but why would any smart person read his garbage is beyond me. He’s an idiot. I bet he must be paying you off to promote his shit here. He is also a horrible writer. JMO. Sorry I like your blog but it had to be said.

There is nothing with me and Sam Vaknin. He doesn’t “pay me off” LMAO!
For awhile I was writing a lot of articles about him because of my own fascination with him. You may not like his writing or his ideas, but he’s no idiot with an IQ of 180. He knows a lot about narcissism, probably more than some mental health professionals. That being said, he’s controversial and not everyone likes his ideas or agrees with him, and as a self professed malignant narcissist/psychopath, he’s not that nice a person either. There are a lot of smart people who read his stuff. I don’t agree with all his ideas, I just think he and his ideas are interesting. I don’t care about his criminal past or his degree status. It’s of no consequence to me. I think he’s as qualified as anyone else to write about narcissism because he has the disorder and can write about it from an “insider’s POV,” which someone who isn’t a narcissist cannot.

That being said, I am trying to focus on him less because of the fact he’s so controversial and there are many other people who have contributed as much to the field as he has.

I’m glad you like my blog though.

5. All Bloggers are Narcissists. Heres some advise. Get a job or a real hobby and stop writing about things you don’t know jackshit about as if your shit doesn’t stink. Thank you.

Excuse me, this IS my job (although it’s not paid) and my real hobby. It’s what I love to do more than anything else. No, I am not a mental health professional (which is stated in my disclaimer) but I do read a lot and I also think my experiences having been raised by and married to malignant narcissists makes me qualified to write a blog about this disorder. I write about a lot of other things too.
Also, learn how to spell or use Spellcheck. Your grammar could use some improvement too.

6. What gives you the right to act like your some sort of expert. Do you have a pyschology degree? If not then stfu and write about your kids school projects or something.

[This is the same person who write comment # 5.]
I never said I was an expert, but I do think I’m qualified to write about the things I write about. I do have a BA in psychology.

Sorry, but I will not “stfu” and I don’t want to write about my kids’ school projects. They’re 21 and 23 and are adults so they wouldn’t have any school projects anyway.

BTW, in your first sentence, you should have used “you’re,” not “your.” I hate grammar nazis but that drives me insane.

54 thoughts on “Replying to my haters.”

  1. I am sorry you that there are some pple who may not like this or any other blog, there is the option to stay away I was once cursed so such a vengeance I shut my old blog down, then I said
    no way, so I reopened a new blog. Hang tough! You have a fine blog! I love it.

    Liked by 4 people

  4. I can’t help but giggle and roll my eyes a little when haters use bad grammar or misspell words…that is “not” an effective hater…I have a whole stack of hate notes and texts from the abusive ex…pretty pathetic

    Liked by 4 people

    • I have the same reaction. They almost always have bad grammar or spelling too, especially trolls. Their inability to put together a proper English sentence doesn’t give them a whole lot of credibility, does it?

      Liked by 1 person

      • No credibility at all… I work in the field of disabilities, so I completely understand that a person is so much more than their academic life….but when you add a mean spirit on top of it, well, the nasty magnifies. It’s hard to feel great compassion for someone who is trying to damage your spirit!

        Liked by 3 people

    • I agree. I’d like to see how a 17 year old would have handled the things I had to go through. Sure, I made a lot of bad choices, but I was in a position where I wasn’t able to think clearly and suffering PTSD and a host of other mental problems as a result of abuse. I have to laugh when a 17 year old tells me I should have made better choices, not married my narc, and not had a second child, etc.

      Liked by 2 people

  6. I always think it’s interesting when people spew venom. If they don’t like what we’re writing, why don’t they just move on? There are plenty of blogs in the world! I for one really enjoy your posts, and learn from them. Keep on doing it!
    ~Audrey

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Reblogged this on galesmind and commented:
    You are an excellent writer. You must be good if you were boring nobody would care. It amazes me when people feel they have to attack you personally when they disagree. My final point is all bloggers are narcissists. Really Otter you have to stop tying people and making them read your blog. As far as me as a narcissistic blogger well I am fabulous aren’t we all? Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 4 people

  9. As my granddaughter likes to say, “haters gonna hate.” My granddaughter turned 23 today, BTW. How did I get so old? How did my 40-year-old daughter, her mother, get so old? And yet I still have a 17-year-old telling me I’m a narcissist for blogging?

    Can’t get any respect these days. 😀

    Have you seen this YouTube video of a Dover Police officer lipsyncing to Taylor Swift’s “Shake it Off”? Over 32 million have seen it so far. I love it, even if I am an old great-grandmother:

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Reblogged this on Diary of a Mad Scapegoat and commented:
    The following is a reblog of one of LuckyOtter’s many terrific posts. It hit a cord with me, because my Complex PTSD is badly triggered by “haters.”

    But as my granddaughter likes to say, “Haters Gonna Hate.”

    My granddaughter turned 23 today, by the way. How did I get so old? How did my 40-year-old daughter, her mother, get so old? And yet I still have a 17-year-old telling me (via LuckyOtter’s blog) that I’m a narcissist for blogging?

    Can’t get any respect these days. 😀

    Please read and comment on LuckyOtter’s post, then take a look at this hilarious YouTube video of a Dover Police officer lipsyncing to Taylor Swift’s “Shake it Off.” Over 32 million people have seen this video so far. I love it, even if I am an old great-grandmother.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I’ll have to take a look at the video. It sounds hilarious.
      Yes, it’s pretty outrageous that a 17year old can tell me I’m not qualified to make a diagnosis (I don’t anyway) or write about narcissism or other personality disorders, but they can still call me a narcissist for blogging. LOL!
      Thanks for reblogging.

      Like

  11. You sure have fun, don’t you? I have yet to get a real nasty comment, but I’m still new here. People sometimes are just looking for a reason to throw stones, Too bad you have such nice manners, and aren’t more like OM. He would rip them a new one, and feed them their old one. Great post Otter, sorry for all the troll wannabees.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you. I try to be nice, but I do call them out, by turning their nasty comments into a whole article. They either love that (if they’re narcs) or it really ticks them off because I’m making them look in the mirror at themselves.
      Fortunately these are the only ones I’ve gotten except for a few troll comments–until this morning when that kid came back with a few more insults which I have trashed. I probably stirred the pot a little with this article. Oh well.

      Liked by 2 people

  13. so far I’ve been lucky and haven’t had any haters troll my site …….yet , but I am sure they will come eventually, the thing is opinion’s are like ass-holes, everybody has one, some just don’t wipe before they type!
    you are a great writer, and you have been teaching me about narcissism , heck before your blog I had no idea what one was ! I just called them ego maniacs that fell out of the ignorant tree and hit every damn branch on the way down type of people! , well I still think they are all that , but at least I know the proper name now lol

    Liked by 3 people

    • Butch, you probably don’t get them because your blog is different and less controversial than this one. You write mostly about your family and way of life in the country, and while always interesting, what’s there to troll?
      I think you are a fantastic writer too!

      I am sure there are MNs and psychopaths reading my blog because its subject matter is probably a magnet for them, so of course they’re going to be mad at being forced to look at themselves in the mirror. Why they want to read about themselves and then get mad, I don’t know.

      Liked by 1 person

      • That is true, I tend to keep my blog safe and quiet and not too controversial, the only shocking comments I get are things like …”you’re not born a man? or holy crap I didn’t know what Butch meant!! lol , I can see how your blog would attract a lot of attention from the trolls , you force them to look in the mirror and they don’t like what they see so they lash out, just keep writing and de arming these people , the more others learn about these type of people the better.

        Liked by 1 person

  14. If you write online you will have trolls and haters. You should see all the jerks I had who called me fat and blamed me for it and that usual nonsense. In earlier posts I told a few of them off. I don’t get too many putting me down for my narcissism articles, maybe because being fat trumps that area for the trolls and haters? Oh you get the types who claim how dare you diagnose anyone like we can’t make any decisions while abusers kick us in the teeth. Please. One thing sometimes trolls can be useful for article ideas. I’ve used them before. They usually run like cockroaches when you shine a light on their crap.

    http://fivehundredpoundpeeps.blogspot.com/2014/09/smug-thin-people-who-bash-fat-people.html

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks! This is what I needed to hear because the 17 year old had a few more comments this morning, which went into the trash. Basically they were telling me I was the personality disordered one, and probably deserved the abuse I got from my ex. Hah!

      Yes, the “you’re not qualified to write about psychology issues” is the most popular type of negative comment I get.
      I will read your article. I know you’ve struggled with the fat haters. I say to hell with them! Keep writing about whatever you want. There’s a need for what you have to say.

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Someone who accuses bloggers in general of being narcissists probably doesn’t understand the term, at least not as much as you. And the comments and likes just for pity or sympathy points, etc.? Does this person even use WordPress? We have strong B.S. detectors—it’s pointless trying.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Right, I doubt they understand what NPD really is and have just read a few articles that say blogging is narcissistic and spout what they read. They probably have never picked up the DSM or a psychology book and think if you talk about yourself in public it automatically means you’re a narc.

      Liked by 2 people

  16. I actually found those comments humorous. It’s funny how some people can be so cruel all while telling you you’re being mean. Makes no logical sense. Personally, I think their comments say a lot about their own psychology rather than yours, and to put it bluntly, some of them sounded nuts. I really hate when people come into my house (blog) and try to rearrange my furniture. Get the Hell out of my house.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I agree, those comments are hilarious. The snap judgments, generalizations (ALL bloggers are narcissists!) , and especially the pathetic grammar and spelling. Why are trolls always such horrible spellers and use such bad grammar? I always wonderered about that. It doesn’t give them any credibility when they can’t even write a simple English sentence.

      I actually find them more funny than hurtful. I don’t know these people and realize by blogging about the things I do, there are going to be haters and trolls.
      I say, let them hate!

      Liked by 1 person

  17. I dont even bother listening to people who troll my site. Especially a 17 year old who has not even lived. As you said, Trolls and haters all belong in the same category, and give themselves away by their bad grammar and the fact that they are mostly illiterate anyhow. Who actually cares what they think. We all know what types of idiotic cretins they are in real life. Let them blog about the things you do, You are an intelligent woman, who has lots of followers on here. Perhaps they may learn a thing or two from them, and you of course.

    Like

  18. Reblogged this on Marilyn Munrow and commented:
    I dont even bother listening to people who troll my site. Especially a 17 year old who has not even lived. As you said, Trolls and haters all belong in the same category, and give themselves away by their bad grammar and the fact that they are mostly illiterate anyhow. Who actually cares what they think. We all know what types of idiotic cretins they are in real life. Let them blog about the things you do, You are an intelligent woman, who has lots of followers on here. Perhaps they may learn a thing or two from them, and you of course.

    Like

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