Beware of N’s who use mental illness as an excuse to abuse

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I think those of us ACONs and survivors of narcissistic abuse who post on public blogs that are accessible to anyone need to be very vigilant and careful. I will never make my blog private or require you to sign in first, but due to that decision, I realize I am going to attract MNs and psychopaths whose only desire is to bully, make incendiary and false remarks, and play “divide and conquer” games within the community. I am willing to take that chance because I want this blog to remain as accessible as it is. I want people to feel welcome without having to be “approved” first or having to sign in, because I hate having to sign into any website myself and will usually bypass any site that requires me to do that.

If you’ve been following my posts, I wrote two articles about some drama that was going on between me and another blogger who allegedly suffers from dissociative identity disorder (DID). I provided links to the nasty, character-assassinating articles that were written about me and my commenters and followers on their blog. I was quoted extensively in their rant (as well as several of the people who commented on those two articles) and was practically accused of being MN myself. The things they said were hurtful, but I also knew they were lies and intended to upset me. If this person is a narc, they were projecting their own disorder onto me. And that’s just so wrong, but it’s what they do.

I am letting that go and do not wish to further antagonize this blogger and will just delete or not approve any further abusive comments from them. But in thinking it over, I realized that there are going to be people on the Internet who use their own mental illness as an excuse to be able to abuse and be nasty to other people. That doesn’t mean they don’t have a mental illness, but it’s possible to be mentally ill and also a malignant narcissist who wants to hurt those who speak the truth. I also think there are some N’s (I’m not saying it’s this blogger) who feign mental illness because that gives them an excuse to abuse. We need to be very careful of anyone who says they have a mental illness but then make abusive remarks based on no real information. N’s are out there, lurking our sites and reading.

Not all N’s are going to be abusive to us. Some actually are honest and want to seek help or educate us about their NPD. Those are the ones with insight into their disorder.

But there are others, who may feign another mental disorder (or sometimes actually have it but use it as an excuse to be nasty and mean), who can become trollish and try to destroy our communities with their vitriol or make us fear their wrath. I refuse to let people like that make me afraid to post what I want and keep journaling about myself honestly and openly. I refuse to let them squelch or discourage me in my desire to heal and help others. I am made of tougher stuff than that now, and I know God is behind me, protecting me from the bullies and trolls who may want to attack me and this blog and keep me from speaking my truth.

39 thoughts on “Beware of N’s who use mental illness as an excuse to abuse”

  2. The N “frenemy” I dealt with vascillated between scoffing at the whole field of psychology & saying “I think I may have a bipolar diagnosis” when talking to mental health activists. I myself have a diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder. You can look up statistics, people with mental illnesses are twice as likely to be targets of abusive personalities than perpetrators of abuse.

    Which brings up the tricky question of NPD and sociopathy/psychopathy. These personality disorders have a predatory aspect to them, and I can understand having a lot of anger or needing to vent after being a target. But, these things are disorders too. That doesn’t mean they should get a pass on how they treat others, but sometimes I feel like it’s easier to look at it like “This person also has an untreated condition, however, I’m not capable of helping them. I can only set boundaries for myself and what I need to take care of my issues.” Which in my case involves limiting or cutting off interactions.

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    • That’s all you can do with an N. Yes, it is a mental illness and as such we need to understand they can’t help the way they act, but that doesn’t mean we have to enable them or give into their whims either. Refusing to give them supply, in fact, is the best thing that could happen to them. Because it will send them into a narcissistic rage, and if that fails, a narcissistic crisis–and that is the only time a window may open for healing: when everything that kept their masks sticking to their faces has been lost. Then they are forced to face the emptiness inside. Yes, it’s horrible for them, but cancer surgery hurts too.

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  4. Yeah, why didn’t that guy just take the opportunity to educate on DID instead of have a fit? I mean, if he was so concerned about misinformation on the internet about it, why not do it that way? Like when Sam Vaknin noticed the page numbers of his book wrong, he just came on and told you so. Offering links, education, knowledge. Just saying. But Sam has his own power and his own significance.

    Maybe that guy was so bad off mentally he couldn’t deal with it right. But I still think he was jealous cause you are growing big and he doesn’t like that. He felt insignificant and wanted to take that out on you and us. Instead of taking steps and becoming more visible, to fulfill his need for significance he took it out on you and us. Fulfilling his own need for significance that way. He wants a famous blog but won’t do the work. Some people are like that, they want everything but won’t work for it. Easier to try to take someone else down for working so hard. I’m just saying, I think that is what happened, I read the piece he wrote.

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    • I agree he did seem to resent the number of commenters I had by bashing and quoting some of my commenters. So I think there might have been some envy there too, yeah. I actually think this guy is N. He may be DID too, but I get major N-tantrum vibes from his posts and the things he says.

      I am not sure, but I think he’s a new blogge. Getting big takes time. I even just reblogged an early post of mine where I was frustrated too because I wasn’t getting views and had just 12 followers. I thought it was interesting because this was just before it started to take off. I’m impatient but I didn’t react the way Seeing Plural did. Instead I wrote a whiney little post about how frustrated I was and OM reblogged it. That gave me the jumpstart I needed.

      I did a lot of the things OM said to do to make your blog a success, and his advice works. For awhile his site was like my blogging Bible. Maybe Seeing Plural needs to read OM’s blog and try his suggestions instead of lashing out at bloggers who have been around longer and have more followers and more activity.

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  5. Well said, LuckyOtter.

    There is a saying: “Hurting people, hurt people.” I think that can be true, but I don’t think it is always true. I have found that the more hurt I go through, the more compassion and empathy I feel for the pain of others, which makes me even less likely to ever want to hurt anyone. However, I am ashamed to admit that there have been times in the past, before I found some healing for my PTSD, when I was in so much pain and confusion that I lashed out and hurt some others, without even being fully aware, at the time, of what I was doing. Later, when I realized my error, I was very mad at myself, and I apologized and tried to make amends wherever possible.

    When someone is lashing out and hurting others, I am reminded of an animal that has been hit by a car and is terrified and confused and in a lot of pain. It could be the sweetest animal lying there, even your own loving pet, and still he may lash out and try to bite you if you come near, even though you are only trying to help. Severe pain can have that affect on living creatures, animals and humans alike.

    HOWEVER, that being said, if I were trying to help an injured animal and it was trying to bite me, I would do my best to protect myself from it’s teeth. In other words, I would not just stand there and submit to the abuse because “the poor thing can’t help it.”

    Also, I am absolutely believe that some people lash out and hurt others for the sheer mean enjoyment they get out of it. They aren’t doing it because they are in pain, they are doing it because they get a sick perverted pleasure out of hurting others. Is it because they were born without a heart or a conscience? If so, does this mean they can’t help it either, so therefore they aren’t to blame, just as blind people aren’t to blame for being unable to see?

    The thing is, we can guess, but we can never know for sure if someone is hurting others out of sheer meanness, or if they are doing it out of unbearable pain, and we also have no way of knowing for sure if they are unable to help being the way they are. But regardless of their reasons or whether they can help it, my policy is this: NO, you may not abuse me and NO, I will not stand silently by and watch other people being abused, by anyone. Period.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m not sure why Seeing Plural lashed out so badly. He seemed to be in a lot of pain, but I’m not sure if that’s due to his illness or something else. It could just be he’s a sadistic MN who likes to ruin other people’s days. His envy was evident. I’m not saying he doesn’t suffer from DID too. It’s sad. He will never have a successful blog acting that way.

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    • It was not a popular post, because I think that these people tend to go unnoticed. And so does their abuse. This is a worthwhile topic and valuable to me. Thank you.

      Liked by 2 people

    • That’s interesting Joan. You wouldn’t think the mentally handicapped would be narcissists would you? But intelligence has nothing to do with it. Obviously the more intelligent would be better at masking and hiding their evil motives. Thanks for sharing this.

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        • The times she used to torment me by telling me she would go to my boss with a complaint, she would have me in full panic mode. I couldn’t lose that job. And her face would be twisted up, in pure narcissist fashion.

          But yeah, the boss kinda did use her a flying monkey, to cause me pain. Nowadays, I’m uncomfortable with handicapped or mentally ill people. They have this weapon to hold over us, that makes them more dangerous. I don’t have the ability, as of yet, to deal with them. Normal narcs, ok, I can rip them a new one, but the ill ones, I’m stuck.

          Oh and about plural, he was using his mental illness by saying this made him cry all day. My senses tell me he was lying. Funny, like three year old, maybe I shouldn’t judge it, but just my opinion of course. MN’s are at the emotional level of a three year old.

          Big blogs are a huge responsibility too. I don’t think he could handle that. Plus, all the grief he would have to handle. 3-5 posts a day and 20 commenters at a time. It takes a very special person for that, I know I can’t handle it. You are just making him feel insignificant, and he needs to take you down. Thats JMHO. That’s a 3 year old.

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          • That was another red flag to me. The obvious lies about crying and shaking because of my post that didn’t insult anyone and was in no way abusive to him (them, I should say 😉 )

            Only a MN would do that. A histrionic “drama queen” MN even might go so far as to squeeze some tears out to manipulate you but it’s fake. This is the Internet though, no need for SP to do anything but lie about that. SP is a seriously disturbed person with no insight that I can see. Sad. He looks young in the photo I saw, almost a teenager. Maybe with age he’ll have more insight if not more empathy. But they say narcs get worse with age, so idk.

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  8. Well, I attempted to read at least part of the blog post you linked to (by the blogger who was outraged that you had the temerity to write about a disorder that you yourself do not suffer from)… but I had to quit, because the writer was so unhinged and incoherent that I could feel my brain cells dying off as I tried to follow his/her/its/their lunatic ravings. He/she/it/they appeared to be asserting an absolute right never to be offended or hurt by anything that anyone else posts online, and to demand that anything he/she/it/they find offensive or hurtful be removed. Sorry, sport, but it doesn’t work that way. Honest to God, I don’t know where people get such bizarre notions.

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    • Thank you so much, that means a lot. I hope you and your friend can find healing from being cyberstalked. It has happened to me, and it’s no joke. It’s every bit as awful as being victimized by a IRL bully/ies.
      I’ll be praying.

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