Mindf*ckery

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I knew it would happen. I just didn’t think it would be this soon.

My daughter will be out of jail in 3 days and isn’t looking forward to moving back in with Paul with her MN father living there, but at the same time she struggles with feeling responsible for whether her father has a place to live or not.

She’s not.

He tells her she is.

He’s full of shit.

He cajoles, he manipulates, he lies. He threatens suicide.

I stopped falling for that suicide crap a year ago. He will never kill himself.

Paul called me and we talked for two hours. He told me everything that’s been going on.

The way Michael lies on the couch all day trolling political websites and sleeping, and stays up all night pacing the house. Like a damn vampire.

The way he puts the dirty dishes in the sink but never rinses them and never puts them in the dishwasher.

The way he’s using some of Molly’s old drug using friends to triangulate against Paul, messaging them on Facebook that he’s too controlling (when he’s the best thing that ever happened to her).

WHO DOES THAT?

He squanders his disability on lottery tickets and never has any money to contribute to household expenses.

He trashed my character and told Paul how crazy I am and what a horrible person I am because I finally had the guts to kick him out.

“That crazy bitch made me homeless,” he whined. It’s an endless refrain, on an infinite time loop.

He sneaks around and listens to Paul’s phone calls to Molly.

Paul is going through (on a lesser scale) what I went through. He knows. I will never need to worry again that I might be thought the crazy one.

Now he wants him gone. Out by January 1. Good.

It was all a game, an elaborate fortress built of smoke and mirrors and lies, to obscure and deflect the truth. Now it’s all come crashing down and Michael has lost all his narcissistic supply. Oh, boo hoo.

Paul is afraid Michael living at the house when Molly returns will destroy his relationship with my daughter. He’s right: he’ll attempt to create a wedge between them with his gaslighting and triangulating and lies. He’s already started by telling him lies about Molly when she’s not even there to defend herself. He does all this because stirring up drama and creating wedges between people is his sick idea of fun.

When he threw me out of the house when Molly was just 11, he told her I left of my own accord because I didn’t love her and her brother. I never knew this until years later. Molly held that against me for years and it messed up her head and she got addicted to drugs to escape and that’s part of the reason she’s in jail. She may be N herself. But that’s what he does. He’s a rapist who rapes people’s minds instead of their bodies. Even his own kids. Because he’s an evil excuse for a human being. An empty rusted out tin can with sharp edges lying on a toxic waste dump.

rustycan

To Paul, I wanted to say “I told you so” but instead I told him I’d not wanted to get involved and just let the cards fall where they may–but always had a feeling this would happen. I’d hoped he’d have better luck dealing with Michael because they don’t have a long past behind them. They don’t have kids together. Maybe Michael would be different with him. Maybe he’d change! It wasn’t any of my business anyway if he lived with them or not.

Michael hasn’t changed. Of course he hasn’t. Narcissists never change. He’s the poster child for the Needy Malignant Narcissist. He cares about no one and nothing but himself, acts like the world owes him a living but without him giving anything in return. He likes to destroy relationships because he’s bored and miserable and evil and that’s his idea of fun.

No doubt when Michael finds out he has to leave he’ll either fly into a narcissistic rage or cry and whine and threaten suicide. Paul says he’ll give him his first month’s rent back so he can go find a place. Knowing him, he’ll spend it on cigarettes and lottery tickets instead and he’ll have to go back to the Salvation Army, and then try to tell me what a douchebag Paul is.

I might have to renew my restraining order in February–just to make sure he doesn’t try to come back here.

He’s alienated everyone. No one wants him around anymore. And that’s no one’s fault but his own. Of course, in Michael’s disordered mind, he’s blameless and it’s everyone else who’s at fault for his sorry condition.

I was thinking about my mental state a year ago compared to today, and it’s as if I was a completely different person. Barely a person at all. Living like I was on automatic pilot. Going through the motions of life but not living. Marking time until death. I didn’t care; I thought I was dead already.

Now I feel like I’ve grown younger instead of older. I’ve found God. Doors that seemed locked to me forever are starting to open. Things I’d thought I’d lost for years have been found. Things I can’t believe would ever happen are starting to happen.

All because I got rid of the narc.

Now I can go over and see Paul and Molly on Christmas Day and bake my lasagna without having to deal with that sick piece of human waste lurking around and making everyone miserable with his stupid mindfuckery.

If you still live with your narc, beg, borrow or steal the courage if you must, but GET RID OF THEM. Hold your ground. Get angry. Righteous anger is our weapon and is healthy. It can even save your life. Go No Contact. There is no other way. These are dangerous people set out to destroy you and everything good you have. Don’t let them turn you into an empty shell. Don’t let them turn you into one of THEM.

15 thoughts on “Mindf*ckery”

  1. I know exactly what you are talking about and you are right. NOBODY can ever change or help a narc – they are beyond reasoning with and will just drag you down and suck every bit of energy and life out of you. Good luck with everything!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, and you are so right. You can’t reason with them or change them. I can’t believe now I was this afraid of him. I can’t believe how strong I really am and never knew it.

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  2. You never knew it because he made sure you never knew it. I’m only guessing here obviously, but from my own experience with a narc I do know that they are incredibly clever manipulators and sap at your confidence like nobody else.

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    • You’ll get there. Keep reading this blog and any other blogs like it. Read, read, read. Educate yourself as much as you can. I have a list of resources in my tab in the header. Use them. If you believe in God, ask him for help too.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Congrats on your daughter returning home. Its too bad she can’t look forward to it because of Paul. Let’s all hope they hold their ground to get rid of Michael for good. They have no reason to feel sorry for him, he has a steady income. He can find a roof to put over his head.

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    • I hope so too. Paul is stronger than Molly and I’m sure won’t be manipulated to let him stay there the way I was for so long. I hope Molly can see his point of view and not let her feelings of responsibility toward that scum take over. I’m glad she found someone like him, but her dad is already trying to convince everyone, including her, that Paul is trying to control her, which he isn’t.

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  5. I hope he sticks to throwing him out. There is housing for the disabled in most towns where they would only take one third of his income for the rent. That is where he needs to go. I hope Michael does not succeed in destroying her relationship with Paul. I am sorry he told so many lies but that is the thing they do. Yes keep your restraining order updated. When he is homeless he may come skulking back around. It is not her responsibility to take care of her father.

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    • Hey, good to see you here again, Peep. 🙂 I hope everything’s been okay with you.

      I know his reasoning for trying make Paul the “villain” (similar to the way he made me a villain) is so he can regain his daughter as his narcissistic supply and in the process, destroy her even more. She can’t fall for it. I’ve told her and told her he’s not her responsibility. She knows this but she still loves her dad. If she really loves him she won’t keep enabling him. If she colludes with him she will fall further into evil and could even become MN herself. She’s halfway there but there’s still hope for her. Like Henry Rollins sings in his song, “Liar”:
      I’ll rip your mind out, I’ll burn your soul.
      I’ll turn you into me
      I’ll turn you into me
      Cause I’m a liar.”

      They have that kind of power. They are evil and they can and will “convert” a person to the dark side. If you stay with a person like that too long and allow them to get into your head too much, you can develop Stockholm Syndrome, identify with your abuser, and eventually become MN yourself. It can and does happen. They steal your soul. They are very dangerous.

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      • Hi Otter, I am still sick but able to type more on line. Thanks for thinking of me. Yes he is already trying to drive a wedge between your daughter and Paul, who knows in his mind he is hoping she will leave Paul and support him. It would destroy your daughter and her future. I hope she doesn’t fall for it too. With this one give her direct warning even if she gets angry. Yes love would not be enabling the guy. He was given a sweet set up and continues to play the fool. I hope she does not collude with him, it will trash her life. I agree about them converting people to the dark side. Mine have done so successfully, it is sickening. I think that is what exactly happened with Aunt Scapegoat. Total Stockholm Syndrome and can’t even think for herself and the people they hate [like me] becomes the people they hate. She had her soul stolen. It gets worse with age. Your daughter is still young enough where the tide could turn the other way.

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  6. I was just thinking about your daughter getting out of jail a couple days ago after reading another one of your posts. Seems a bit bitter sweet, eh? Is it in the Christmas spirit that Paul is waiting til the first of January?

    Funny (not haha) how people can care about the narc still even after all the exhaustion they cause. Paul should boot him to the curb immediately. I hope your ex doesn’t try some trick to get away with staying. I’ve seen horrible stories about that on news shows.

    One of them was about a nanny who wouldn’t leave these people’s house and she got away with it for a while too. Eventually the authorities got her to leave but not until a long drawn out drama took place. And this is the story I thought about when you wrote about Molly’s dad moving in with Paul.

    It’s sad that Molly sees herself as responsible. I hope she can get out of that trance soon…while she’s still young.

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    • It probably is in the Christmas spirit that he’s waiting until Jan 1. He’d better not wait any longer than that.
      My daughter is partially brainwashed by her dad. She needs to go NC ASAP!

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